Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Still I wonder though, when is the right time to actually "give it up"?
I'd say somewhere between the 3rd and 10th date, when you're confident the guy is amenable to a LTR. It can be funner to take it slow (for the guy too), but definitely make progress with each date. Unfortunately the risk of a broken heart comes with the territory, so all you can do is hope for the best. You'll gain something with each relationship no matter how it ends.
Hi everyone, I can't believe I'm writing this on such a public space but I just have to get this off my chest:
I'm 20 yrs old, in my 3rd year of college at an accredited university, & I am suffering from post-Valentine's Day blues...I haven't had a serious boyfriend but I have had dates, all of which have ended on a bittersweet note (most of the guys I have dated have just been "hookups" (ie-only physical if you know what I mean)...
Anyway, I think I'm a pretty nice girl...I don't drink, party, or smoke...I volunteer regularly at an abused children's shelter & am part of a co-ed service fraternity. Most of the guys I've dated have said that I'm "too innocent" and that they "don't want to corrupt me", my friends have said that I give off an innocent vibe too which boggles my mind because I don't see myself as innocent...I've only kissed one guy & we kind of fooled around but I ended it before we went "too far". I just feel like most guys just want to be w/ me for "physical" reasons only...
Long story short: are there any nice guys out there because I seriously feel like my time here at college is running short & there will be a limited pool of available bachelors left for me to choose from? I do want to get married & have a family but it seems like there aren't many guys willing to do that until much later & I'm aware that guys mature later than girls...
Can anyone give me some advice/encouragement? Thanks...
@ Fickle: My personality is pretty quiet, I am a reserved kind of girl...shy but not rude...I am also pretty soft-spoken & not a huge flirt...I guess that's part of the problem huh
"Why do I feel like I'm missing the boat?"
Well, are you at the train station?
Just kidding.
Hey, you just went through that stupid holiday where commercialism makes you go out and buy someone flowers just cause they want to keep their flower shops open. Then all the people who don't have that special someone feel they are missing out. Well, it's over now so let's move on to St. Patty day where we drink green beer and act like idiots.
Seriously though, you aren't missing anything. Just be yourself. Keep that special gift for someone who will cherish it. Someone who REALLY cares for you. Don't follow the mainstream in thinking EVERYONE is getting some.
There is a girl that was selling her virginity. Can you believe that? Once it's gone...it's gone. No more. Don't give it away for nothing.
There were some good posts on here saying you will change alot in the next couple of years and the boys in college are just after some tush.
You can play the game and run your finger across the chest of the cute guys and say in a sexy tone, "Looking good." Or you can just talk sexier to get alittle more excitement. To be noticed.
Alot of ladies that have had alot of success have not slept with everyone to get where they are. They just know how to walk, talk and tease. You know, lead them around like dog with a steak in your hand. Don't dress slutty, just play the game. If you want to. Nothing more exciting than a girl who knows how to push the buttons even if nothing ever happens.
"You'd like some of this now wouldn't you?" You can say. "Someone so innocent yet mysterious all at the same time. Keep wondering...keep dreaming."
Well, anyway, you have alot of time. You are only 20. Come on. You still have alot to explore and learn yet. Enjoy.
This is a very difficult format to debate in. People take you out of context to make a point. My point is this isn't so much about marriage as the preparation for it. The women and men who don't over think things can do as well or better than those who approach it as an intellectual exercise or business management scenario. I wasn't married at 20 or even 30. I think I was 33. I had female friends but no girlfriends all through my 20's. When I started making serious money at 30 I was having to beat them off with a stick. Miu is right, 30 is a fine age to think about settling down but in my culture women make the decision in about six weeks based on the material evidence. They are dashed when their chosen doesn't come to the same realization that she is the one as quickly as they have. Some guys want some face time and, ahem, to make sure what is going to be a lifetime committment actually has an even chance. However, Miu continues to make distinctions on the perceived worth of a man based on his education and career path. You have women from low attainment backgrounds competing for the same men that women from high attainment backgrounds want. All I am saying is humans want all kinds of things and many of the things they want and the social constructs they have evolved are not at all compatible with our biology or our psychology.
You know, lead them around like dog with a steak in your hand. Don't dress slutty, just play the game. If you want to. Nothing more exciting than a girl who knows how to push the buttons even if nothing ever happens.
"You'd like some of this now wouldn't you?" You can say. "Someone so innocent yet mysterious all at the same time. Keep wondering...keep dreaming."
I think most men are too savvy to fall for that nowadays. They'll just move on to the next one. She'll seriously limit her selection of great guys with that strategy.
However, Miu continues to make distinctions on the perceived worth of a man based on his education and career path. You have women from low attainment backgrounds competing for the same men that women from high attainment backgrounds want. All I am saying is humans want all kinds of things and many of the things they want and the social constructs they have evolved are not at all compatible with our biology or our psychology.
H
Speaking from my own personal experiences AND other college educated women, including my mother... what's very difficult about a marriage between an educated woman and a man that isn't her intellectual equal is that having an initial romantic spark isn't enough for us. Once the infatuation has worn off, a man that isn't our intellectual equal or well matched with us in terms of education will end up boring us with what he can discuss with us. Women are very verbal creatures. Quality verbal communication touches us emotionally and turns us on sexually. So a man just being a tradesman, has the potential to let us down in that department. When we watch tv together, he's going to prefer American Idol and football while we prefer a Masterpiece Theatre presentation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
Educated men with a woman of lesser education is not such a mismatch as men are more visually stimulated creatures. If she's pretty and cute, that's enough for most men. I've posted this study before, but the gist of it is:
Quote:
In a nutshell: smarter men are willing to marry relatively dumber women. This leaves a deficit of smarter men for the smarter women to marry. This problem is not unique to Japan by any means.
Anyway, during my adulthood, there have been several times where I was single for a few years at a time. To me, it's not worth compromising what I want in a mate just to have a warm body in bed next to me at night. And with my current boyfriend, I have a man that loves me for my brain as much as my body. And he could never be with a woman that wasn't his intellectual equal, no matter how hot she looked. And there are other men just like him out there, but they won't be found at parties or singles bars. Guys like my boyfriend don't actively search for girlfriends because they are busy doing more productive things with their lives. And I've found that the best way to meet a good potential boyfriend is to do hobbies and activities that make me happy, and these men end up sharing the same interests.
Hi everyone, I can't believe I'm writing this on such a public space but I just have to get this off my chest:
I'm 20 yrs old, in my 3rd year of college at an accredited university, & I am suffering from post-Valentine's Day blues...I haven't had a serious boyfriend but I have had dates, all of which have ended on a bittersweet note (most of the guys I have dated have just been "hookups" (ie-only physical if you know what I mean)...
Anyway, I think I'm a pretty nice girl...I don't drink, party, or smoke...I volunteer regularly at an abused children's shelter & am part of a co-ed service fraternity. Most of the guys I've dated have said that I'm "too innocent" and that they "don't want to corrupt me", my friends have said that I give off an innocent vibe too which boggles my mind because I don't see myself as innocent...I've only kissed one guy & we kind of fooled around but I ended it before we went "too far". I just feel like most guys just want to be w/ me for "physical" reasons only...
Long story short: are there any nice guys out there because I seriously feel like my time here at college is running short & there will be a limited pool of available bachelors left for me to choose from? I do want to get married & have a family but it seems like there aren't many guys willing to do that until much later & I'm aware that guys mature later than girls...
Can anyone give me some advice/encouragement? Thanks...
@ Fickle: My personality is pretty quiet, I am a reserved kind of girl...shy but not rude...I am also pretty soft-spoken & not a huge flirt...I guess that's part of the problem huh
You have PLENTY OF TIME!!!! You're doing exactly what you should be doing...don't worry about the man situation, there's never a shortage. Just continue on the path you're on..you'll be surprised.....do not look for the love of your life in college or anywhere else; just love yourself first & everything will follow!
You have PLENTY OF TIME!!!! You're doing exactly what you should be doing...don't worry about the man situation, there's never a shortage. Just continue on the path you're on..you'll be surprised.....do not look for the love of your life in college or anywhere else; just love yourself first & everything will follow!
Good advice, except I say do look for the love of your life in college. It'll be 10X harder in the working world, and harder still with increasing age.
My #1 advice to single & looking women is this: pick a guy you're interested in, and, for the love of gawd, tell him in some way that you're interested in him. So many women wait for the guy to approach them; the ones just out for conquest will be the main ones to approach. For a guy with LTR potential, the woman need not be flirty, just start up a conversation and keep it going for a few minutes (ask him questions & listen), then say you have to go & it was nice chatting. At college you probably know where to find him again later. If he's interested in you in return, you will have another conversation & so on. If shy, practice on a male friend until it's easy.
Good advice, except I say do look for the love of your life in college. It'll be 10X harder in the working world, and harder still with increasing age.
My #1 advice to single & looking women is: pick a guy you're interested in, and, for the love of gawd, tell him in some way that you're interested in him. So many women wait for the guy to approach them; the ones just out for conquest will be the main ones to approach. For a guy with LTR potential, the woman need not be flirty, just start up a conversation and keep it going for a few minutes (ask him questions & listen), then say you have to go & it was nice chatting. The nice thing about college is, you probably know where to find him again later. If shy, practice on a male friend until it's easy.
NO!! The woman we are at 20, is not the same woman as we are at 25 or 30. The man you fall in love with at 20, is not the same guy you'd fall in love with later on. The O.P. is not done growing herself. She's not even 21 yet, and no way is she ready to pick out a husband, a man that she'll want to spend the rest of her long life with.
Scientifically, the human brain doesn't finish developing until the age of 25. The last part of the brain to develop is the frontal cortex, the decision making center. And women mature sooner than men. So to pick a 20 year old young adult male to be her husband and lifelong mate at this point would be very foolhardy imo.
The O.P. seems like she has her head on straight about dating and casual sex. Even when she is 25 or older, a guy will be very lucky to have her love. Not only that, but her fine attributes will be more appreciated later on. If anything, being the cool young woman she is, is only wasted on the college guys she's met so far. She might fall in love interracially, or she might fall in love with a man older or younger than her. Or maybe she will find her true love in another city or abroad. She's 20 and the world is still her oyster. And since she hasn't posted that she's ever crushed on a guy that didn't love her back, she hasn't missed a thing romance-wise. I just don't see what the big rush is for her to find her husband while at college. I lost my virginity when I was almost 21. Looking back, I could have easily waited a few more years to do that and still not missed out on anyone special when I was in my 20's. Shrug.
NO!! The woman we are at 20, is not the same woman as we are at 25 or 30. The man you fall in love with at 20, is not the same guy you'd fall in love with later on. The O.P. is not done growing herself. She's not even 21 yet, and no way is she ready to pick out a husband, a man that she'll want to spend the rest of her long life with.
It's a dilemma, because while she's figuring out who she is, the good men are getting picked off. At 25, she won't be in school, and it's way harder to meet people in real life. At 30 it'll start to be slim pickings. By 35 her choices will largely the divorced w/ kids. Not much good figuring out who you are, only to find that the remaining men are mostly undesirables, with heavy competition for the rest.
The best solution I think, is to do some growing up earlier than later. Most college-age kids know deep down who they should be going out with--smart, good personality, reasonably fit, nice but not a pushover, no severe addictions, a hard worker, and so on. Where's there's chemistry too, you have the makings of a good marriage eventually, if it gets to that point. Marriage partners need not have all the same interests, opinions, etc. You want differences too. Chemistry and the basics are most of what you need. This is assuming she meets those basics too, of course.
So to avoid the dilemma, all women her age need to do is eschew the jerks, the bad boys, the ones who want one thing only, etc., and instead zoom in on the great catches, who are--at that age but not for long--conveniently ignored by most of the other women.
It's a dilemma, because while she's figuring out who she is, the good men are getting picked off. At 25, she won't be in school, and it's way harder to meet people in real life. At 30 it'll start to be slim pickings. By 35 her choices will largely the divorced w/ kids. Not much good figuring out who you are, only to find that the remaining men are mostly undesirables, with heavy competition for the rest.
I just asked my boyfriend if his friends were being snatched up by their fellow female classmates for marriage, and he said no. In addition, I really feel that the nice quality guys are either too busy with getting their education OR they are discouraged by their parents from getting engaged too early in life or to the first girl they go out with. And just read the posts from guys that have fallen out of love with their first girlfriend. It's more the women that want to marry their first love, not the guys. College boys live for going to spring break bashes and getting it on with as many different girls as possible.
And at 20, guys are still young and developing. Picking out a good 20 year old man to marry would be like buying a pig in a poke.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
