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I was with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We were really good together, we clicked almost instantly. I was really starting to fall in love with him. Well one morning after he spent the night and we both had to get up and go to work. He gets up first and goes to take a shower. His phone starts going off, I assume it's the alarm that he set on it so I pick it up to turn it off. Well it turns out it was a text message from a girl that he'd been talking to on the internet. It was a very explicit text message. I assumed instantly that he was cheating based on the very nature of the text message. When he gets out of the shower I confront him about it. He tells me that it's just an internet thing, and he never really met this girl. They've had phone sex before, and send messages, but that's it. She lives real far away, etc., etc. I kick him out tell him I never want to talk to him again.
We stay broken up for two weeks. One day I start having major cramps worse than I'd ever had, and bleeding horribly. So I take myself to the emergency room. Well as it turns out I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant, yet I was incredibly heartbroken over this. I had nobody to turn to. My hormones were going crazy and AI just didn't know how to deal. I tried to deal with it myself, but broke down and called him. He was so incredibly supportive and sweet. He still is - it happened not too long ago. He's been there for me every step of the way, and tells me he regrets every day what he did to me. He tells me that he loves me and it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.
So now we've been talking quite a bit back and forth and we even met up once. I really believe that he's remorseful and I'd like to give him another chance. I mentioned before that if I were to take him back we'd have to go to counseling to help rebuild that trust. He agreed to go. His only hesitation is with my family. He says that he would be so ashamed to see my family (I told them what he did...) and he doesn't know if he could do it. To tell you the truth I'm worried about how my family will react too. I didn't tell them about the miscarriage and I'd rather not. I don't know how to convey to them that he regrets what he's done, he's willing to go to counseling, and I really believe that he will never do anything like that again. My family is very important to me and it means a lot that they accept my decisions. Any advice for me?
My advice is that if you have to ask....it means your heart may still want him, but your brain is telling you no. Only you can bring the two together and decide what is best for you.
I was with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We were really good together, we clicked almost instantly. I was really starting to fall in love with him. Well one morning after he spent the night and we both had to get up and go to work. He gets up first and goes to take a shower. His phone starts going off, I assume it's the alarm that he set on it so I pick it up to turn it off. Well it turns out it was a text message from a girl that he'd been talking to on the internet. It was a very explicit text message. I assumed instantly that he was cheating based on the very nature of the text message. When he gets out of the shower I confront him about it. He tells me that it's just an internet thing, and he never really met this girl. They've had phone sex before, and send messages, but that's it. She lives real far away, etc., etc. I kick him out tell him I never want to talk to him again.
We stay broken up for two weeks. One day I start having major cramps worse than I'd ever had, and bleeding horribly. So I take myself to the emergency room. Well as it turns out I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant, yet I was incredibly heartbroken over this. I had nobody to turn to. My hormones were going crazy and AI just didn't know how to deal. I tried to deal with it myself, but broke down and called him. He was so incredibly supportive and sweet. He still is - it happened not too long ago. He's been there for me every step of the way, and tells me he regrets every day what he did to me. He tells me that he loves me and it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.
So now we've been talking quite a bit back and forth and we even met up once. I really believe that he's remorseful and I'd like to give him another chance. I mentioned before that if I were to take him back we'd have to go to counseling to help rebuild that trust. He agreed to go. His only hesitation is with my family. He says that he would be so ashamed to see my family (I told them what he did...) and he doesn't know if he could do it. To tell you the truth I'm worried about how my family will react too. I didn't tell them about the miscarriage and I'd rather not. I don't know how to convey to them that he regrets what he's done, he's willing to go to counseling, and I really believe that he will never do anything like that again. My family is very important to me and it means a lot that they accept my decisions. Any advice for me?
Thanks!
Time is your friend
Give it plenty of time to see if what he says he'll do is in fact what he does. Words are cheap, action is what counts.
If he can prove himself over time you'll know he's truly remorseful and "reformed". Don't be in any hurry to buy any of what he's currently selling.
Caitlin...my sympathy to you first of all. A miscarriage is a devastating issue, regardless if you knew or not. You need some type of support. Are you sure thats not why you called him? Give yourself some time. Be friends..but give yourself some time. Its your decision, and it doesnt matter what we say, this guy says, what your family says...its all up to YOU. This is something YOU have control over. I wish you well...
Gosh, in just 4 months, you met, fell, lost trust and had a miscarriage. So unfortunate. I'm so sorry.
I'm curious. Do you really need a counselor to build trust again? Not to be intrusive, but what are the issues that need resolving? If he is committed to not betraying you, then trust can be built through his fidelity and representation of you and your relationship over time. Do you think what he did on the net was a compulsion? Is he commitment phobic? Is there something that he is struggling with as far as being faithful, or did he just not care enough to not do what he did?
I'm not excusing. Sometimes people have unfinished business in the beginning or haven't developed enough of a connection to commit totally.
I'd proceed with extreme caution. If, after four months, he's playing around on the internet and with phone sex, he's certainly not committed. (Though maybe he should be!)
I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I'm sure that was tough on you.
Oh, and get on the pill for now. You don't want a baby in the mix at this point.
If you two were not in a officially committed relationship ( you discussed mutually seeing each other) he was never really cheating on you and if you want to give him another chance go ahead and just be leery. If you were committed and supposed to be seeing each other exclusively than his morals are not right to begin with and I would say bye-bye, not worth the future heartache. Your family should accept whoever you pick, it is your life and you are an adult.
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