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I have a friend who's divorced and frequently expresses feelings of loneliness. She longs for a partner to go out and do stuff with. I tell her to stop sitting at home feeling sorry for herself and to go out and meet people. But whenever she makes an attempt, she'll come back complaining about the kind of men she meets. They're boring. They're unattractive. They've got kids. They've got baggage from a previous relationship. They're just odd. The excuses are endless. I get so tired of it. Someone who wants to meet someone but expresses disappointment about the kind of men out there. How do I deal with such a person?
I have a friend who's divorced and frequently expresses feelings of loneliness. She longs for a partner to go out and do stuff with. I tell her to stop sitting at home feeling sorry for herself and to go out and meet people. But whenever she makes an attempt, she'll come back complaining about the kind of men she meets. They're boring. They're unattractive. They've got kids. They've got baggage from a previous relationship. They're just odd. The excuses are endless. I get so tired of it. Someone who wants to meet someone but expresses disappointment about the kind of men out there. How do I deal with such a person?
Just wondering if her "pay off" for rejecting every possible person she meets could be the safe way to not have to take any risks?
She doesn't need to meet new people so much as she needs to meet herself. Suggest some personal counseling to her, nothing necessarily long-term, just something to help her identify how she is being her own worst stumbling block in getting what she says she wants.
its fear massive fear and doubt. you cant take it away you cant change it you can only love your friend.
its tough to convince someone that the brick wall that has so bloodied their head multiple times is a mere illusion. sometimes we just need to stop and get to know ourselves better and appreciate the quiet time alone, get a hobby. if we got a hole inside us boyfriends are not a good filler.
That is why I am still single after being divorced for 20 years.. I have a cat and a timer on my coffee pot and life is great! (He know that is all it took to replace him too..)
That is why I am still single after being divorced for 20 years.. I have a cat and a timer on my coffee pot and life is great! (He know that is all it took to replace him too..)
solitude is preferable to bad company (george washington)
Tell her to not think of the men she meets as future husbands, but simply friends to hang out with. Some women often meet a man and see only flaws. Encourage your friend to be more open-minded. Who knows? She could befriend one of these men, who could then introduce her to one of his friends, who may turn out to be "the one" for her. All of us are boring, unattractive, and odd at times. Does she want a partner to "go out with and do stuff with," or does she want a husband? Big difference. You can hang out with people you find unattractive, or even odd, those with kids and/or baggage, and still have a good time.
Women are the worst with all their lists and nonsense about what the guy must have or must do or not do or whatever. And I know that to be true when I go on first dates and I'm feeling like I'm at job/life interview about every nit picky thing there is. I think you have to have some standards or wants or likes, but some of these women are just over the top with it.
Also no one is perfect so even 25 year olds have baggage. I had to learn to accept that anyone I dated was going to have some quirk or mental tick about something or some baggage from the past. Of course sometimes it's too much and you have to pass on the person, I understand. I do it all the time.
This might possibly come off as crudely said, but we BREED these people.
It starts from the time they are little girls. The first image of men they are exposed to are their fathers (who love them unconditionally) and the fantasy of the "White Knight".
They are raised in a world where there is no compromise, nothing less than perfection will be accepted.
Fast forward, the little girl is in her teens, she finds no one. No problem she is young.
Now 20's, no compromise, no problem. "The right guy will come along".
30's, "boy it's hard to meed a decent guy".
Now the dreaded 40's, her opportunities are few, Many of the men she meets are divorced, widowers, or total loser. More and more night are spent at home alone, brooding.
Soon, she buys a cat or four, lays in a supply of extra heavy duty alkaline batteries and decides to suspend even looking for a mate.
Why?...Our little girl was presented with an impossible image from birth and never taught to compromise.
BTW, Just to be fair, there is a male counterpart, who just like our "little girl" will never find the "perfect" mate. Therefor, will never find happiness.
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