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Old 02-19-2009, 09:01 AM
 
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When guys contemplate marriage, bad things happen. When they marry, even worse things happen.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,859,620 times
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Default Have I Blown My Chance

You sound like you are a nervous wreck about getting married. It is a big step and unless you can talk about it without wearing a hole in your rugs from pacing, I would dare say you are not ready just yet. Lots of things factor into a decision to marry but biggest issue at hand is are you BOTH ready for marriage. You don't say how old you are, first marriage?, children involved?, any ex's in the wings?

The first time I married I basically married to get out of my parents home. I was 19 at the time and fled the nest without thinking. The marriage was a total disaster as I married for all the wrong reasons.

The second time I married, I married out of pure love and he died a year later.

Having lost twice, I swore I would never marry again because now I was TOTALLY confused as to why people get married in the first place. I had married a jerk, married my true love and soul mate and lost him so what was left? WELL...along comes my present husband and I discovered all the right reasons to marry; yes there are reasons that are right for everyone and yours will become apparent.

The break you are asking for from your girl is a good idea. Gives both of you some space to see how you feel while apart. Good Luck and I hope you find all the right answers.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
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Your gf obivously loves you or she wouldn't be giving you space to make the right decision for you. Try to make a "T" list: on one side reasons to get married, on the other reasons not to. Read your lists and then ask yourself which one has more weight.

Deciding to marry her because you can't stand the idea of her being with someone else sounds good in theory, but in the end that's based on selfishness. A better question might be: when you think about your future 10+ years down the line do you see her there?
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,999,152 times
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I'm not sexist, but this might be a discussion here on CD where you have to seriously discount what the women say. They can't understand the thought processes of most men.

I too am contemplating marriage, and I have been on mental and emotional ups and downs as well, through the process. I knew in my mind that marriage was a possibility, but as we move forward in the process I recognize that it's a reality. I think most men go through some sort of shock to their mental when the thought of marriage comes along. It is a large responsibility and should be reflected upon prior to making the decision. I think in your case your mental shoeck might be more severe than the average, or at least that's how you are expressing it, thus the responses you will receive on CD will point towards you not being ready.

And as far as time off, are you saying break up, or just some time to contemplate things without her around? Maybe you can take a few days off and go somewhere to think, like to the mountains, or the shore, or even local, but not necessarily have the gf around. I think you have to be clear on what you exactly you need. If you are saying break up, then you are putting your whole relationship at risk. A good, understanding woman will understand your need for a little time to think. I'd caution to not totally cut her off, maybe check in to let her know you are alive and fine at a minimum.

You sound like you want this to work, and just want to get your mind right. That's all you need.

Termination of your relationship should be a last resort. Work towards marriage.
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