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I wouldn't usually do something like this. But this is bugging me!
I'll try to explain the situation to the best of my ability?
A couple of days ago me and my girlfriend started discussing marriage. Though since then I've been going around in confused circles and Getting very depressed about the matter, To the point where it's actually affecting my mental health (I'm beside myself with worry). So I decided to say that I needed time alone, To get my emoitions under control and to make a clear decision.
She seems okay with it? She recomended that I do it for the sake of both of us! However, Despite her assurances? I feel she now thinks I'm strange and won't trust me anymore?
Has my indecisiveness and need to ask for time alone, ruined the relationship? Or could this be a good thing afterall?
Last edited by Kangaroofarmer; 02-19-2009 at 05:03 AM..
Why would you get confused and depressed when discussing marriage? There's nothing to it except that you gotta make sure that's what you both want. It is a big decision so stop getting like that, talk to your GF about, then make the move.
Why would you get confused and depressed when discussing marriage? There's nothing to it except that you gotta make sure that's what you both want. It is a big decision so stop getting like that, talk to your GF about, then make the move.
Thats not so easy for me. I've always been a born worrier and indecisive (They're my biggest flaws ). I have troubles making most decisions. As I yo-yo back and forth about things to the point where it starts badly affecting my health....I'm just not sure that marriage is what I want at the moment and that my actions may have hurt her too much?
Last edited by Kangaroofarmer; 02-19-2009 at 07:26 AM..
Have you discussed your doubts and/or questions with her? Just be cool and don't let your indecisive mood cause her to doubt or you'll both be out. How much time alone do you need? By "time off" do you mean, break uup with her? That would likely send her in a tailspin for sure.
Have you discussed your doubts and/or questions with her? Just be cool and don't let your indecisive mood cause her to doubt or you'll both be out. How much time alone do you need? By "time off" do you mean, break uup with her? That would likely send her in a tailspin for sure.
We've discussed it and No, We're not breaking up. We're looking at a "Time off" period, As allowing us to take time to re-evaluate things seperately and see if we can improve on the current situation?.....We're not sure how much time alone we need though?
If you need time off and to improve on your current situation, then it does not sound like you are ready for marriage at all. Sounds like a very weird way to handle such a discussion frankly. If I was you GF I would be off to find someone more..... stable.
If, on the other hand, you have decided that your initial reaction was an over reaction, and you want to stay with your GF, I would get over there and start communicating with her asap.
Thats not so easy for me. I've always been a born worrier and indecisive (They're my biggest flaws ). I have troubles making most decisions. As I yo-yo back and forth about things to the point where it starts badly affecting my health....I'm just not sure that marriage is what I want at the moment and that my actions may have hurt her too much?
Decisions are either good or bad. If you make a good one, fine. If you make a bad one it's ok also. But you get to learn form it. That's what life's all about. We have too little time here on earth to worry about stuff. At least that's the kind of attitude I live my life with.
Thats not so easy for me. I've always been a born worrier and indecisive (They're my biggest flaws ). I have troubles making most decisions. As I yo-yo back and forth about things to the point where it starts badly affecting my health....I'm just not sure that marriage is what I want at the moment and that my actions may have hurt her too much?
You need counseling and the knowledge of how to learn that's it's ok not to worry...some people feel they have to worry in order to be productive.
You are making yourself sick...you say you go back and forth...why, b/c you fear making a decission for fear of making a mistake, so what? People make mistakes everyday...I bet even after you make a decission your constantly worried if you did the right thing? My brother is like that and he drives us all nuts...
We've discussed it and No, We're not breaking up. We're looking at a "Time off" period, As allowing us to take time to re-evaluate things seperately and see if we can improve on the current situation?.....We're not sure how much time alone we need though?
Key Points:
1. Well, you must like her an awful lot or the decision would be pretty worry free right? She must like you an awful lot to want to be having such conversations...so chin up.
2. I would suggest that you take a pre-marriage class together via a church or other group. This should help you work through things or not as the case may be.
3. I think the "time off" is a bad idea. I would think you should tell her how you feel about her and that you want to treat her and you fairly. Honestly, this is a big decision perhaps the answer is that you should investigate the idea more, you don't have to make the decision right now. (See point #2 above)
4. Bottom-line, does the idea of you two breaking up and seeing her marry someone else in say...2-3 years bother you? I'm not talking petty jealousy but rather you'd feel you *missed something great*.
Good luck, I've gone through similar things recently and it is not easy. Be honest, be strong, do right by you both.
I second mathguy's post. If you're contemplating marriage but you have some worries/doubts (totally normal, by the way) then work them out together. Good communication does not mean taking time out. She's probably confused because you're sending her mixed signals. You seem to be having a bit of a rough time with it, so suggest to your gf that you two attend a pre-marital class through church, etc. That's what these things are for! That way, the both of you get practice in working together and through life issues, a skill that comes handy in life should you marry at all. This would be a very positive step. Taking time out and sitting in different corners of the boxing ring, so to speak, only fuels suspicion and mistrust.
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). I have troubles making most decisions. As I yo-yo back and forth about things to the point where it starts badly affecting my health....I'm just not sure that marriage is what I want at the moment and that my actions may have hurt her too much?
