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I don't think this will count...but my husband was a drummer...had all kinds of girlies wanting him...he was with someone else...how serious could he have been...
I met him at a show one night...didn't do anything special ... gave him my number...that was that....he pursued me.
Found out he was engaged to this other girl...
That was 25+ yrs and 3 kids ago
To Pass the Chocolate: Where do you come up with these questions? Yes, my ex married the woman he ran off with. They deserve each other..both left spouses and kids to be together so bully for them........My ex still does not see his son on a regular basis and his new wife's kid refuses to talk to her. Got what they deserved for sure.
Inspired by another posting. I also watched Walk The Line last night, for the umpteenth time. Beautiful love story (sans the drugs) but they remained married until their death. I've known a couple of people who left their marriages for someone else and
Did you or anyone you know marry as the result of an affair? Are you/they still together? If not, why not?
I've known a bunch of couples like this. I observed they often have trust issues with each other, since they cheated to "get together" in the first place.
A buddy of mine, has been having an on again, off again relationship with a woman for a few years (not his wife), she eventually got pregnant by him, and was pressuring him to leave his wife. She threatend to tell the wife and other hollow threats (such as get a cousin to kick your arse, file bogus charges, etc.) , but my buddy, he was at the point where he stopped loving his wife, and wanted a way out (he wasnt working, and couldn't quite get it together, she on the other hand was a very successful real estate attorney and would always throw it in his face).
He ends up telling the wife himself, and she does not bat an eye! He stays married, is paying for child support (out the arse!!) for the "other womans" child which she says she will stop once he leaves he wife, then he finds out that his wife had been cheating with a co-worker (he is thinking it is another "high powered attorney" at her job, but upon meeting the joker under crazy stalkerish circumstances, finds out he is a security guard at her firm!! WTF right!! It tuns out she knew this clown since college, he is a loser dropout and she gets him a gig at her law firm) for about 8 years (they had only been married 6, and dated 4, so you do the math).
He then finally gets a DNA test for the "other womans child" under extreme pressure from his wife, and it is his, but he turns around and secretly gets the same DNA test on his wife's child and the sucker isn't his!! Realizing that he is not in monetary position to get a divorce (throughout his wife's success, she always brings him along for the ride, the wife buys him a new car every other year, and they live in a nice Mcmansion all on the wife's tab) so he does not want the gravy train to end, also the "other woman" is a welfare queen, and doesn't have a pot to pi$$ in. His wife being an attorney as well, allows her significant room to dole out some serious bullying on the legal side of things, and he has a criminal history, so the thought of losing it all and possibly going back to the slammer for any reason, has him scared $hitless.
In the end, they are all still together (him with his wife, and the other woman, his wife and her co-worker), happily spreading venereal and other communicable diseases amongst each other, in marital bliss!
I left my 1st husband for my current husband 14 yrs ago. I don't regret it because I do believe we were meant to be together. I only regret that I didn't move out on my own first for a while. But I was in my early-20s and was swept up in the passion of the thing. My ex still blames himself for being a bad husband and says that he opened the door that my husband walked through.
For a while we really had a hard time knowing that if our lives were a movie, we would be cast in the part of the 'bad guys'.
Ironically, my parents were thrilled. They could both see right away that my 2nd husband was a great father, provider, mate and was a much better match for me.
My ex and I are still friendly and he is genuinely happy for us. He said he is content knowing that his son is being raised well.
The hardest part is talking to my son about it. He was only 3 yrs old at the time and doesn't remember any of it. I tell him that what I did was WRONG, but if I could go back I would do it again. He said he doesn't blame me because he thinks we have the best relationship he has ever seen.
To Pass the Chocolate: Where do you come up with these questions?
Stuff I see on TV or a discussion I've had, my own life or someone else's....and I love picking at people's brains.
Quote:
Yes, my ex married the woman he ran off with. They deserve each other..both left spouses and kids to be together so bully for them........My ex still does not see his son on a regular basis and his new wife's kid refuses to talk to her. Got what they deserved for sure.
That's too bad. But you have moved on, yes? Are you remarried or in a relationship?
I left my 1st husband for my current husband 14 yrs ago. I don't regret it because I do believe we were meant to be together. I only regret that I didn't move out on my own first for a while. But I was in my early-20s and was swept up in the passion of the thing. My ex still blames himself for being a bad husband and says that he opened the door that my husband walked through.
For a while we really had a hard time knowing that if our lives were a movie, we would be cast in the part of the 'bad guys'.
Ironically, my parents were thrilled. They could both see right away that my 2nd husband was a great father, provider, mate and was a much better match for me.
My ex and I are still friendly and he is genuinely happy for us. He said he is content knowing that his son is being raised well.
The hardest part is talking to my son about it. He was only 3 yrs old at the time and doesn't remember any of it. I tell him that what I did was WRONG, but if I could go back I would do it again. He said he doesn't blame me because he thinks we have the best relationship he has ever seen.
Seems like your parents knew you didn't belong with your first hubby, and he admitted to being a bad husband. You said you'd do it again if you had it to do over. Was he, in fact, a bad husband? If so, what was wrong with what you did, as you explained it to your child?
He just wasn't ready for a wife and child. We were only 20 when he got me pregnant. He didn't change when we had the child, I did. He wanted to keep partying, smoking pot, didn't want a full-time job, etc. He would go out every night and come home when the bars closed.
I still don't think of him as a "bad person". He didn't yell at me or beat me or cheat on me (that I'm aware of - everyone else suspected he was sleeping with my sister). He was just never there. He always always out doing something else. He also made it clear that I was never his first priority. He would say, "Right now I have to focus on (fill in the blank, tennis, weight-lifting, church, karaoke, darts, etc.), so you can't be my first priority." I was young enough and had a low enough self-esteem at the time to accept this. But after several years, it became obvious that I, and eventually my son, would never be his first priority.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Seems like your parents knew you didn't belong with your first hubby, and he admitted to being a bad husband. You said you'd do it again if you had it to do over. Was he, in fact, a bad husband? If so, what was wrong with what you did, as you explained it to your child?
He just wasn't ready for a wife and child. We were only 20 when he got me pregnant. He didn't change when we had the child, I did. He wanted to keep partying, smoking pot, didn't want a full-time job, etc. He would go out every night and come home when the bars closed.
I still don't think of him as a "bad person". He didn't yell at me or beat me or cheat on me (that I'm aware of - everyone else suspected he was sleeping with my sister). He was just never there. He always always out doing something else. He also made it clear that I was never his first priority. He would say, "Right now I have to focus on (fill in the blank, tennis, weight-lifting, church, karaoke, darts, etc.), so you can't be my first priority." I was young enough and had a low enough self-esteem at the time to accept this. But after several years, it became obvious that I, and eventually my son, would never be his first priority.
I see. Was leaving your husband for someone else really wrong when he didn't make you and your son a priority? I'm not presuming to tell you what you should tell your son. But the way you describe it, you were not wrong. He didn't leave you much of a choice, other than to stay in a marriage that he didn't value. Was it the cheating that was wrong? Leaving your husband for another man? Abandoning the marriage (which is what he did long before)? What part of the break up was it that you described to your son as being wrong?
Inspired by another posting. I also watched Walk The Line last night, for the umpteenth time. Beautiful love story (sans the drugs) but they remained married until their death. I've known a couple of people who left their marriages for someone else and
Did you or anyone you know marry as the result of an affair? Are you/they still together? If not, why not?
yup and the woman was totally unhappy...when a couple marrys due to an affair, sometimes one of them is very jealous of the other one for fear that they will do the same thing to them.
I also know a man who is so totally unhappy, he's got to call into her all the time, b/c she doesn't trust him...she fears he will cheat on her, b/c he cheated on his wife with her.
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