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It's not rocket science, really: most folks want kids, some folks don't. Living in a free society, we get to choose for ourselves. Whatever floats your boat.
That explanation is far too simple.
Some folks want kids until they find out what it entails. This desire often has little to do with the love of children themselves, but is done for other, often selfish reasons.
Some folk are the opposite. They know the responsibility and sacrifice that having children involves, often having spent their teens looking after much younger siblings. While they are not against having children per se, they realize that it is no panacea for a struggling relationship.
The problem comes in when someone asks. How do you answer?
Yes, no (meaning never) or no, (meaning I wouldn't be interested in having children with you). Word gets around and its easy for a person to be labeled when, in fact, they are just being responsible.
My son and his wife have decided to not have kids and yes, I would like to be a Grandmother.....
Perhaps, you should have had more kids yourself, as "insurance". My mother did and while I "disappointed", my sister and youngest brother came through.
My great grandfather had a much older brother who was an officer in the Civil War with Grant. He was killed 3 days before the fall of Vicksburg and is buried in Mississippi. His swords were to be handed down to the oldest son and my grandfather was the seventh of seven. However, my father only had one male cousin from that side of the family (he had close to 50 cousins!) and both of them had 3 sons. His cousin's oldest never married, not due to partying, he is a noted wilderness photographer. The other two each had 3 daughters. The swords were transferred to my parents living room about 30 years ago, and everyone waited........
I never married, neither did my brother but the "afterthought" had a son in 2003. What to we say to him. Don't want to put too much pressure on him.....yet!
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Originally Posted by Connecticut Pam
Back in the "day" we didn't think about having kids, they just kind of happened and we all managed to raise them
Birth control changed everything. In most cases for the better.
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Originally Posted by Connecticut Pam
Stay single, don't get involved with anyone normal and have a wonderful life bar hopping, partying, and being immature until you are 85.
I know lots of single guys in their 40s and 50s. I didn't realize we were all drunks! Well maybe abnormal.
when are you going to settle down and start a family? And every time I tell some stressed-out parent with a bunch of whining kids on each arm and one running around breaking stuff that "I don't think I ever want children", they look at me like I am from another planet and say "why? you'll be missing out"
Lol yup I've heard the same story over and over again.
If I were you I would just say that you haven't found the right person to settle down with. If you don't find the right person you can't have kids.....
These parents love to push other people into having kids. You know the old saying, "misery loves company." They can't stand that someone their own age can still go out clubbing, meeting new people, having tons of fun while they are stuck at home changing diapers, feeding the child non stop and spending thousands of dollars on child expenses.
Also I find it very entertaining how many people on this forum don't have kids. All the people who have kids still at home (especially young ones) don't have the time to spend it on the internet lol
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That is fine that you know what you want and do not want to have kids. Maybe you should have a vasectomy now so it doesn't happen accidentally. For instance, if you have a one night stand or am sleeping with someone and they get pregnant you could be in for real problems. There are some girls out there looking for a free ride by getting pregnant and then expecting his $$$$ for support for her and the kid. Just be careful really. I have 2 sons and make sure they know about this.
I 100% agree with this advice. Guys, stop taking so many risks seriously! A vasectomy doesn't even hurt. They numb you up to oblivion.
OP, I truly commend you for being honest about not wanting children. There is nothing wrong with you or that decision.
Frankly, I wish that there were more people who would decide NOT to have children. It would make life in America a whole lot easier. And before anyone starts calling me a baby-hater; what I mean is that for a lot of parents out there, just because they could procreate doesn't mean that they should.
Deciding to become a parent is a major undertaking and the decision should not be made lightly. And it sad that many women get pregnant to try to hold on the their man or to get their boyfriends to marry them. Or even (as in the case of OctuMom) try to get a bigger welfare check.
Some folks want kids until they find out what it entails. This desire often has little to do with the love of children themselves, but is done for other, often selfish reasons.
Some folk are the opposite. They know the responsibility and sacrifice that having children involves, often having spent their teens looking after much younger siblings. While they are not against having children per se, they realize that it is no panacea for a struggling relationship.
The problem comes in when someone asks. How do you answer?
Yes, no (meaning never) or no, (meaning I wouldn't be interested in having children with you). Word gets around and its easy for a person to be labeled when, in fact, they are just being responsible.
When someone asks -- one way or the other -- why should that influence anyone's decision to have or not have kids, but if they ask, you tell them it's not their business, or you tell them what you think.
It's the same way when someone questions a couple with 4 kids why they're having another. It's no one's business in the first place but how one wishes to answer is up to him/her.
Okay. So you're tired of people condescending to you about not having kids, so you condescend to people who do. Well, now that makes all the sense in the world.
No kidding.
I agree that if you know you won't be a good parent than you definitely should not have kids. However, I am 20 years old and I have an amazing 7 month old son. He was a surprise and my fiance and I aren't exactly in the best financial situation, but we're making it. My son always has warm clothes, food in his tummy, and a roof over his head. My son is the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. So I find your post just a little bit insulting. You have some very good points that I totally agree with, but there's no need to condescend those of us that have children. I never knew that I could love someone so much until I had my baby and I think most people that encourage others to have babies is because they want them to be able to experience that kind of unconditional love.
My husband and I are childless and always will be. Don't want them. Hasn't stopped me from taking care of kids from teaching, to being a nanny, to watching them in my home. I've done this for 23 years.
Yep. My rant is with the people that have them that can't afford them. I've lost count on how many, "We can't afford childcare" from people. I've had way too many parents ask me to lower my rate for them. I've been asked to charge a dollar an hour. Are you f'ing kidding me? That's a slap in the face. I feed the kids, do TONS of activities, learning, go on field trips etc...
I'm currently looking for someone for next fall. I had a person contact me about my ad. She said they are looking to have another one next spring, but don't know if they can afford childcare for 2, but they are for sure having another. WHY? You can't afford to pay anyone and can't afford not to work.
THIS is what drives me batty. If you can't afford childcare, think twice about having them. Believe me, my rates are cheap and way cheaper then a daycare. I give one on one attention and they receive excellent care. I have never had one complaint about my care in 23 years. Please don't ask me to work for a dollar an hour, would you?
More people(looking at you mom of octuplets)should be better at making decisions about having kids. I think some feel they "have to have them" for the sake of having them. Wrong answer.
Our biology is not our destiny and thanks to being a higher species than all the other animals on earth, we do have the luxury of choice when it comes to deciding to breed or not to breed. We should NOT have to give excuses or explanations. But alas, misery loves company and it often hurts parents to see others living the lives that they might have lived had they not given in to the pressures to reproduce.
These parents love to push other people into having kids. You know the old saying, "misery loves company." They can't stand that someone their own age can still go out clubbing, meeting new people, having tons of fun while they are stuck at home changing diapers, feeding the child non stop and spending thousands of dollars on child expenses.
And you must spend thousands on therapy trying to alleviate the guilt you surely feel since you ruined your parents lives by being born.
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