Whiny wife.... (marry, guys, loving, American)

[Granny Sue]

(chuckles) how's that trophy wife NOW????

[SKP440]

Originally Posted by evilnewbie

She is 29... she is weird sometimes... she thinks she deserves "more"... she thinks she deserves "the best in life" as if the world owes her something and if you say that, she gets angry and denies it... its like this, I study hard in school, I deserve a BMW (thats her logic)... to me, when you are in school, it is your responsibility to study hard, you don't get awards for doing what you are suppose to be doing... I mean her potential is really great and she stresses over things like major exams and placements, etc etc... I don't think she will "ever" be happy with her station in life because she believes "the grass is greener on the other side"... whereas I am content where I am regardless if the grass is greener on the other side...

Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage. It seems you are in the same boat a lot of men are. (SOME) women (I'll narrow it down to married women) feel as though their lot in life is just not enough, and yes it will ALWAYS be your fault. You have 2 options. Either run for it, or understand it and deal with it because these are HER issues. There is virtually no way to either compensate or forsee what she will complain about next. Either you can live with it or you can't just don't let it bring you down. Another thing to remember if you get used to things being a certain way you will be upset because without warning she will want to "change for the better, or feel that what was good enough yesterday is suddenly "beneath" her today and she wants better. Heck she will probably say she deserves better and if you can't give it to her then you are selfish, holding her back, are jealous of her success, or all of the above. Now I really hope I'm totally wrong about all I just said because truthfully I wouldn't wish any of that on my own enemy, but I've seen it happen to myself and friends and it sucks. However if you have some heads up then it won't be as much of a surprise. See this more common now than it was when your parents were raising you. Women today can have it all and for SOME its NEVER enough. They have a sense of "entitlement" for everything, and then they will chastise you for reacting the very same way. This is a no peace (instead of no win because there is no such thing in marriage) senario for the men who are married to them. Of course this is just my opinion. Good luck to you.

[IZthe411]

From what I understand, when women are stressed they will open up the floodgates. Every and anything, in addition to the problem, is now a problem. I also understand that while it may appear to be the fault of the man, that's not what they really mean. It's there way of dealing with stress. Men, on the other hand, usually clam up and say less, and focus on the one problem. Women are the opposite.

Of course, all of this is general speak. There are exceptions and different degrees of this, but for the most part, this is true.

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

It is perfectly understandable. She is a WOMAN!!!!!!
That's what they were raised to do. Whine, nag, argue, make their husbands life misserable.

Watch it Kitty!

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

I agree with those who said this woman seems immature, childish, and spoiled.

Although 29 years of age is an adult age, I've met plenty of women (and men) in their 20s and even early 30s who were basically children in adult bodies - irresponsible, careless, and unable to think for themselves.

This woman reminds me of a woman I know... only online. "Terrie" and I have been chat buddies for a few years. She has wanted more but I've refused in part because of how far she lives (abroad - another continent).

Terrie is going to turn 37 this year. She's bilingual and has an eagerness to learn. But she's one of the most spoiled and immature people I've ever known. And she is whiny - she has repeatedly (on almost every chat we've had) b/tched because:

- she has no boyfriend
- she is not married
- she doesn't have a lot of money
- she doesn't make a lot of money
- she's aging
- she doesn't get attention from men the way she did 10, 15 years ago
- she feels like a loser

I tried to give her advice, but one day I flat out told her she was the most insecure, selfish, spoiled, egotistical, and immature person I'd ever had the luck of not meeting. And she admitted it! She also said that the reason she's this miserable is that she thinks she's entitled to great things; i.e, she thinks too highly of herself, and she looks down on others; but, she corrodes internally w/ jealousy when these same "inferiors" get the very things she craves while she goes empty-handed.

I told her that this greed on her part will rot her soul and that if she wants things that badly, she should work hard to get them rather than tell herself she's entitled to it.

She told me she was extremely stuck-up in her 20s, as she was asked out very often. She said she was b/tchy all the time and she thought that this was not only normal but CORRECT. And, she also told me that in high school, she was in the "in crowd;" a sports expert and a popular girl. She said she hated, and openly mocked, "nerds" and "geeks." Then, she later learned in her 30s, that one of those "nerds" she hated and derided had become a respected professor with a Ph.D.

I told her, "do you still think you're better and superior than her?" She had no response.

She admitted to me she's inexperienced for her age, has not really suffered, and is very immature.

She flat out asked me once - odd considering we've got several time zones separating us.

To the OP: I hope your wife mature and changes; she's going to drive you (and herself) into misery with this kind of a p/ss-poor, me-me-me-me attitude.

[Book Lover 21]

My mother was this way with my father. Nothing was EVER good enough. She actually thought she was doing him a favor by pushing him to get a better job, make more money, etc. All it did was make him as miserable as she was. They stayed married until they died, for 48 years.

My advise would be to either leave her or have a steady supply of liquor on hand like my dad did. I don't think anything is ever going to change someone like this.

[Oildog]

Originally Posted by heatwave13

Encourage her to go on a mission trip or humanitarian relief project of some sort and see how bad many, many people reallly have it. Trust me on this, I taken trips all over the world like this, including third world countries, and people com back here changed when they see how bad it can be in other places. Makes you appreciate what you have here.

This would be a good idea. Sounds like princess has never really dealt with real issues, perhaps quite sheltered in life. Saw earlier post about a slap...that was my first thought, although I dont condone hitting women.

[CaydenJ]

It's called displacement and what woman doesn't do this? lol. It can be either something in her environment outside of her control that's irking at her and so she relieves her stress on someone safe OR you're secretly getting at her nerves so there are deeper issues at work here. BUT it's quite common so you should either bite your tongue until one day it severs or.. you should have a discussion with her.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by evilnewbie

Sadly, yes.. she always promised to change... now that we are married, is put up or shut up... lol..

Bingo. Marriage never changes anybody.


Want my advice?

1) When she starts dredging up every petty resentment she has, then inform her that's not being fair.

2) Happiness is a decision. She is choosing to be unhappy. Either solve the problem, deal with it, or shut up. Good lord, nothing is worse in life than being tethered to a constant whiner.

3) If she wants to talk about all the things bugging her about her life and your marriage, fine. But do so in a constructive forum.

By the way, do you two have kids? Because if you don't, you haven't seen whining yet. For if she can't handle life in the relatively unfettered world of DINK life, being responsible for the happiness of children will drive her completely around the bend.

[jhlcomp]

It's called manipulation; being a spoiled, selfish brat; self serving, inconsiderate, shallow, depressed, never being happy with what she has. Mostly, though, lack of effective communication. Time for you two to see a therapist.