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at dinner the other night. A group of us went to dinner between sessions of bridge and the Turkish woman said something to the effect that she should try to line up her son with the cute waitress. I think she was just joking but this got everyone interested. Did she get married that way? Yes.
Then almost everyone started wailing about how much better this might be. Too many of them have (or had) a daughter (or two in one case) living at home with their kids. They all agreed that they couldn't have made worse decisions than their daughters!. They grilled the Pakistani guy about whether he would arrange marriages for his daughters and when he said that his family was abandoning the practice, they told him he'd regret it!
I just sat there wondering if this would be a way to bring back the fervor of the 60s. Then it was the draft, but I could imagine how this would get the young people of today, more politically active. Since the seniors vote in large numbers, I'm sure they could bring in such laws. Just play on their fears of never having the house empty out!
My son just did a research and essay project in arranged marriages. The practice hs become modernized and somewhat relaxed. For example, now the couple has an opportunity to meet and get to know each other before the marriage takes place and if either party objects to the marriage, they may not have to go through with it. The parents will set about finding another suitable mate for their son or daughter. But, there are still parents who very strictly adhere to the old ways.
I read my son's research and found it very interesting. Also, people in arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than those who are not in an arranged marriage.
Arranged marriages last longer than unarranged marriages.....The divorce rate is lower.
I believe the arranged marriages last longer because they have huge celebrations when they get married. Both the parents family come to celebrate. So there is a huge pressure to NOT get divorced and work things out instead.
In the states people rush into getting married. They marry people without really knowing them and when things go south they don't try to work things out but rather, seek divorce.
If one is not forced to marry someone and the arranged marriage is casual; introductions of suitors by parents, I'm all for it. The current modern way of dating for years, followed by living together and then marrying has resulted in a very high divorce rate. Divorces to occur in arranged marriages, but as a previous poster stated, the success rate is much higher. I can't think of any 2 people who would have my best interest at heart, more than my parents. It makes total sense to me.
In the states people rush into getting married. They marry people without really knowing them and when things go south they don't try to work things out but rather, seek divorce.
But, but in an arranged marriage most often the "couple" have never even met. Dont you think the lower divorce rate in arranged marriages is due to divorce being more taboo in cultures that support arranged marriage?
That being said, I think arranged marriages are probably a good idea.
My dad works in India where everyone is married due by arranged marriages. And he says that most of the males want to work extra hours that none of them except one enjoys going back home to their wife and kids. So no it isn't worth marrying because its been arranged.
I don't think they work that well in places where divorce is easily, women have rights and can support themselves.
However, one aspect of them is good. People tend to come from the same background and the families know each other. The nonsense in N.A. society about how opposites attract and the view of marriage as a route to upward mobility, are absent.
Many of the cases I alluded to are women who see a "successful" marriage as finding a guy who is "perfect" enough to impress your peers. The truth becomes apparent quickly and then they move back home, while they continue to fish in the same pond. One women was totally pissed with her daughters doing this!
If one is not forced to marry someone and the arranged marriage is casual; introductions of suitors by parents, I'm all for it. The current modern way of dating for years, followed by living together and then marrying has resulted in a very high divorce rate. Divorces to occur in arranged marriages, but as a previous poster stated, the success rate is much higher. I can't think of any 2 people who would have my best interest at heart, more than my parents. It makes total sense to me.
But divorce rates ARE NOT higher. It's been dropping for decades and is now the lowest it's been for 25-35 years. Your theory is shot to hell.
And divorce rates don't necessarily correspond to the percent of happy marriages vs. unhappy ones. Some societies frown on divorce. Staying together becomes more important than happiness. Sorry. Give me a world full of happy people in second marriages over one of unhappy people who won't divorce any time.
While I'm not one to arrange marriages, I can see benefits occurring from a parent's pick. How many threads here have a theme where a SIL or DIL that is causing problems in the family? A pick by a mom would likely avoid this.
We have a son who is getting married this year. Fortunately, we like her, probably more than we like him (just kidding). Now, if he was getting married to his former GF, while we would've never said anything, I can imagine that we'd be estranged from our son, which would put strain on that marriage.
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Now, if he was getting married to his former GF, while we would've never said anything, I can imagine that we'd be estranged from our son, which would put strain on that marriage.
