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I belong to another message board and came across a posting from a former abuse victim.
Long story short, she was with a man who turned abusive and stalked her, assaulted her and threatened her life. She obtained a restraining order on him, he violated it and she went into hiding - she made references to a name change. She just found out that the man is the president of the homeowner's association where her friend lives and is wondering if she should report him to the HOA. Her friend wants to, but she is afraid of retalliation, knowing what he is capable of.
I really don't know how to answer that. But I'm wondering what your thoughts are on this. Personally, I don't think he should be in a position where trust is pretty much inherent. I know he has to be voted in, but he clearly would not have been if they knew about the RO. I wouldn't want someone like that heading my community. What do you think? How would you handle it?
Is this lady in any position where she can move? I know it's often difficult to just uproot and go, but I wonder what would happen if she had this man reported to the HOA, then moved.
I helped a former coworker when I was at Citibank. She was seeing this guy and he turned out to be a weirdo. So he wouldn't stop calling her and swinging by her apartment. She told me this and I told her to pretend she was getting back with her husband (me).
I used to wait for her, go our with her to lunch and other places. One day the guy showed up and I confronted him. He inmediately backed off when he saw me and I told him in a NY way to get away from her or else. He stopped stalking her and she ended going out with me on a real date and I scored a homerun the same night. It was short lived but she was "awesome", she made me wish I was really her husband for a moment.
Her friend just bought the house recently. She, apparently, didn't realize he lived there or was president of the HOA because they had never met. So, he doesn't know who she is, but she knows who he is. She's safe so far, but if it comes out that she reported him there's no telling what he might do. Based on what I read on the thread, she doesn't want to move but she wants him gone.
If he was charged and/or convicted then it is a matter of public record and you can tell anyone you please.
She never pursued a case against him, but she was granted the restraining order based on what he did and witness testimony. So, the RO is available for public perusal. But how to bring that to the HOA's attention without identifying oneself? Seems like a very sticky situation.
He wasn't charged with assault? Isn't kind of hard to get a restraining order without something like that?
I guess the other thing is if he isn't bothering anybody now, and the issue was between someone who doesn't live there, why would you want to make a case out of it in the first place?
He may not be the nicest guy on the planet, but who has the right to paint a scarlet letter on his shirt?
If there is a restraining order against him she may want to let the HOA's Directors and Officers insurance carrier know...he will probably lose his coverage which means he will not be able to sit on the board and will have a heck of a time obtaining D & O insurance again.
Just a thought. If it were me, I would leave it alone and try to keep my nose clean and hopefully nothing will provoke him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
I belong to another message board and came across a posting from a former abuse victim.
Long story short, she was with a man who turned abusive and stalked her, assaulted her and threatened her life. She obtained a restraining order on him, he violated it and she went into hiding - she made references to a name change. She just found out that the man is the president of the homeowner's association where her friend lives and is wondering if she should report him to the HOA. Her friend wants to, but she is afraid of retalliation, knowing what he is capable of.
I really don't know how to answer that. But I'm wondering what your thoughts are on this. Personally, I don't think he should be in a position where trust is pretty much inherent. I know he has to be voted in, but he clearly would not have been if they knew about the RO. I wouldn't want someone like that heading my community. What do you think? How would you handle it?
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