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My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We are both very devoted to our careers. I ended up moving 2 hours away from her for a job opportunity. We discussed it and agreed that I should take it and we would commute to see each other on the weekends. We are both 24 years old.
I'm not sure what the next step for us should be.
I feel that I am not ready for the next step, like moving in together or engagement. However, I feel like I am being pressured by her because she talks about her age, having kids before 30 and going back home.
She is on a work visa and has to have her employer work with the government to get her to stay.
On top of this, half of her wants to go back home to her country and the other half wants to stay here with me and her job.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We are both very devoted to our careers. I ended up moving 2 hours away from her for a job opportunity. We discussed it and agreed that I should take it and we would commute to see each other on the weekends. We are both 24 years old.
I'm not sure what the next step for us should be.
I feel that I am not ready for the next step, like moving in together or engagement. However, I feel like I am being pressured by her because she talks about her age, having kids before 30 and going back home.
She is on a work visa and has to have her employer work with the government to get her to stay.
On top of this, half of her wants to go back home to her country and the other half wants to stay here with me and her job.
What do you think?
I think no one should ever enter into marriage without being 110% sure this is the right step for them.
And when it's "right" you just know it - when it's not "right" forcing things leads to heartache down the line.
The best thing you can do at this point is to be honest - with yourself and with her. If you go against your gut instincts just to make her happy, you WILL be unhappy later down the line that you betrayed yourself.
If she cannot wait until you are ready then let her move on - it will be best for both of you in the long run. It will be hard now, but not nearly as hard as dealing with the fall-out 2 kids and 10 years down the line.
Well we talked today and she complained that she wants to go back home. It's easier to get around in Asia, good food, her family and friends are there and she doesn't have to be bending over for the US government in order to stay working here. Said she wants to go back in a few months...
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We are both very devoted to our careers. I ended up moving 2 hours away from her for a job opportunity. We discussed it and agreed that I should take it and we would commute to see each other on the weekends. We are both 24 years old.
I'm not sure what the next step for us should be.
I feel that I am not ready for the next step, like moving in together or engagement. However, I feel like I am being pressured by her because she talks about her age, having kids before 30 and going back home.
She is on a work visa and has to have her employer work with the government to get her to stay.
On top of this, half of her wants to go back home to her country and the other half wants to stay here with me and her job.
What do you think?
While you both may like each other alot, I think that you both are at difference stages in your life (she's really to get married, you're not) and you also both have different long term goals (her wanting to go back home, I'm guessing that you would prefer to stay in the US). So I don't think that it's worth pursuing this relationship. She'd end up feeling like she wasted her time with you. You will feel pressured to marry her and be left with guilty feelings for not being ready to commit to her. Or worst case, you marry her so she can stay in the country, then feel trapped by the marriage but if you get divorced too soon, she gets deported to Asia or you have kids and you get stuck with the child support payments. It's a lose-lose situation to have a serious relationship with her.
Run! She's pressuring you into something she's not even sure what it will be. Women who marry because their biologoical clock's alarm is going off are not good bets.
Well we talked today and she complained that she wants to go back home. It's easier to get around in Asia, good food, her family and friends are there and she doesn't have to be bending over for the US government in order to stay working here. Said she wants to go back in a few months...
It sounds like more than half of her wants to go home. And if you're not prepared to move with her then it's time to call it quits. Though frankly, I think she wants to go home because she's not prepared to stay in the US for a man who isn't ready to marry her. But that's not your fault, if you're not ready then you're not ready. Unfortunately it's just time to go your seperate ways.
Time may take care of it. You might feel different with a little more time....Anything can change. She may go back home and then you may realize that she was a good match for you. You just can't rush these things.
There is also no good reason to pressure someone because one wants to have kids before age 30. There's no good reason someone can't wait until age 32, or 34. She sounds like she has a screw loose if she believes she must have kids only before age 30.
There is also no good reason to pressure someone because one wants to have kids before age 30. There's no good reason someone can't wait until age 32, or 34. She sounds like she has a screw loose if she believes she must have kids only before age 30.
I think that she feels this way from family pressure. Traditional Asians believe in getting married and having kids before 30. A single woman over the age of 30 is considered over the hill over there. The Japanese men in particular have school girl fetishes. I've both read this, heard about it from a Japanese American woman that didn't want to raise her daughters in Japan, and this sort of thing is a side story in the Initial D anime series.
I think that she feels this way from family pressure. Traditional Asians believe in getting married and having kids before 30. A single woman over the age of 30 is considered over the hill over there.
This is absolutely true.
My Mandarin isn't good enough for a job over there, I am not about to leave my secure job over here for some job over there, especially in this economy.
We've talked about Singapore, the national language is English and there are finance jobs galore over there. I don't think I would mind living there.
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