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Old 02-28-2009, 03:56 PM
 
809 posts, read 2,745,251 times
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Tell me your stories.........

Have you ever chased a dream or a career AND managed to have love in your life at the same time? Or did the love fall to the backburner and consequently fail?????

I fear this is what is happening with me and my guy. He's focusing really hard on building his dream/career, and lately has neglected me to the point that he "questions" staying together BECAUSE he's so busy.......

It really hurts to hear him say he chooses his dream over me..... but I can understand when you're chasing your dream why you would neglect love.

The sad part is he use to be so adamant about me being "the one"..... but now he's close to letting me go for good. I duno how someone can possibly believe their significant other is "the one" and then let them fall to the backburner of their priorities........


I'd like to hear how some people chased their dream AND had love at the same time (OR maybe you chased your dream and gave up on love)
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Old 02-28-2009, 04:01 PM
 
5,274 posts, read 13,647,992 times
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I tried climbing the corporate ladder and having a secure marriage once. It doesn't work. I nearly lost my marriage. We decided to be poor & happy.
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Old 02-28-2009, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,607 posts, read 38,952,426 times
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I only met and married my husband when he was in his 40's because of his career. He had never been married because his career was priority #1. When he got to a point in his career where he was able, he set about finding someone he could marry and have a family with (me). The security of his career enabled me to go back to school to finish my degree and work in my chosen field.
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Old 02-28-2009, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,031 posts, read 29,050,025 times
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I've been willing to move for the money and inch my way up the ladder. Have lost a couple of good catches because of "lack of attention" and "didn't want to move". I look at it as "not meant to be", because I wouldn't have been happy with personal/professional stagnation. As I've gotten 20 years in, I may be willing to compromise a bit more. But I don't think you can put yourself in a position to sit and wait 20 years to retire, because things always change.
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Old 02-28-2009, 04:36 PM
 
Location: So Cal
47,110 posts, read 46,564,996 times
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I work in a technical field and I'm about as far as I can go salary/promotion wise. I'd have to cross over into management. I've been reluctant to do it because of the working more hours and stress.

I'm having some difficulty in dealing with stress in my current position. Looking to take on more doesn't sound appealing. Although the money potential looks tempting at times. Getting into the six figures. But I'm sure you earn it if you know what I mean.
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Old 02-28-2009, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,728 posts, read 19,615,463 times
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For me it's always been one or the other. I'm sure some can balance it all, but I couldn't, and my first wife couldn't either. One has to come first (career or family), and once you make that decision, then it's just a matter of time before the "other" suffers.
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Old 02-28-2009, 07:04 PM
 
809 posts, read 2,745,251 times
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Has it worked for anyone?????
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Old 02-28-2009, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,728 posts, read 19,615,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SubaruFiend View Post
Has it worked for anyone?????
As I stated above, not for me in the long run, but I think it could if both partners are concentrating on the career of one and both want it that way.

When I first got into a position where the sky was the limit, my (ex) wife and I both wanted my career to succeed in a big way, but about the time my career goals were met I wanted to spend more time with my family. That meant cutting back on my work hours -- basically retiring at 35. Then my wife's career started taking off, and that was important to her. I was happy for her, but not with her long hours, not when we didn't need the money, and especially not after I'd sold my business so we could have more quality time together.

I don't know if anything would have worked for us, to be honest. We had "issues" from very early in our marriage.
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:19 PM
 
3,440 posts, read 7,684,182 times
Reputation: 2398
Quote:
Originally Posted by SubaruFiend View Post
Tell me your stories.........

Have you ever chased a dream or a career AND managed to have love in your life at the same time? Or did the love fall to the backburner and consequently fail?????

I fear this is what is happening with me and my guy. He's focusing really hard on building his dream/career, and lately has neglected me to the point that he "questions" staying together BECAUSE he's so busy.......

It really hurts to hear him say he chooses his dream over me..... but I can understand when you're chasing your dream why you would neglect love.

The sad part is he use to be so adamant about me being "the one"..... but now he's close to letting me go for good. I duno how someone can possibly believe their significant other is "the one" and then let them fall to the backburner of their priorities........


I'd like to hear how some people chased their dream AND had love at the same time (OR maybe you chased your dream and gave up on love)

As a guy who is building a business and had a GF at the same time I can assure you that it's very difficult. Even if you have money a woman does not want to sit up in a empty pen house eating take out food all by herself... Women are social creatures and really don't like being alone.

But what I have noticed in this country is that people try to put everything on the table all at once. I mean why pursue a relationship when you know you are reaching for the stars?

Anyhow a female wants you to talk to her pretty frequently, take her out pretty frequently, spend time with her pretty frequently and be there for her when she needs you so if your gone all the time, well your pretty much headed for trouble because shes going to feel neglected no matter how much money you make; so when the delivery guy shows up; well, for some girls he starts looking good!....lol


Anyhow, I have been told that Governmental(except military)/factory jobs are the perfect type of income to have a stable marriage or family but with all due respect I could never do that kind of repetitive work for 40 years plus.
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Old 02-28-2009, 09:26 PM
 
3,852 posts, read 12,293,088 times
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Hasn't worked for me. I don't date seriously because I put my education and career first. It is the most important thing in my life. My career is a reflection of my life, if my career is failing I am failing as a person.

When I was in college I did have one somewhat serious girlfriend. Spent a lot of time with her and what not. Before I met her my GPA was around 3.5 (A,B average). When I was dating her my GPA dropped like a rock to a 2.0 GPA (low C average). I even got one F so I had to retake the class. I was spending more time with her than my school. I had to do something fast. So I told her that she was only a booty call to me. She didn't like that so she dumped me (better her dumping me rather than me dumping her because she won't stalk me).

Now my school/career is number one, women is second only and I only date for fun now. Nothing serious.

If anything it really showed me what I learned in my economics and interpersonal communication classes turns out to be rather true. Your relationship is only as good as the amount of time and effort you put into it. If you are putting all your time into work chances are that your personal relationships aren't doing so great. As for economics, "there is no such thing as a free lunch." The idea that you can have it all is to say the least a pretty difficult juggling act. You can only have one or the other if you ask me.
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