Question for the divorced parents (how to, married, guy, children)
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Reading the ?married thread, I just wonder how you can divorce your children's parent with all the feelings and anxiety involved and then feel confident enough to send them along on visitation. I guess I just can't get that mother bear out of me enough to understand this arrangement. Now please do not see this as an attack, just wanting to know how you were able to reconcile your personal happiness with not having your children around for periods of time. Responses will be read without judgement. And please do not flame me or others. Disclaimer, i am a catholic so I can not even go there on the divorce issue.
I kept saying to myself, "one day they'll be 18 and I wont have to deal with him anymore, one day they'll be 18 ... " and they're 18 & 20 now! LOL You just always have to be the bigger person, go along with the plan whatever and however it may be and know that your kids know things. They see the truth and that will be on your side if you're always the good guy in the end. I'm a divorced Mom and my ex was a real jerk for the most part in every way wtih me and the kids.
We all worked it out and I just kept thinking about their 18th bday.
I kept saying to myself, "one day they'll be 18 and I wont have to deal with him anymore, one day they'll be 18 ... " and they're 18 & 20 now! LOL You just always have to be the bigger person, go along with the plan whatever and however it may be and know that your kids know things. They see the truth and that will be on your side if you're always the good guy in the end. I'm a divorced Mom and my ex was a real jerk for the most part in every way wtih me and the kids.
We all worked it out and I just kept thinking about their 18th bday.
People divorce for various reasons. Divorce dosent necessarliy mean either parent is untrustworthy to be with the children.
yes i see your point. I am a very overprotective mom, btw both kids of mine are in college. I just wonder how someone can send their little ones off. would you worry about other people who they may be around?
yes i see your point. I am a very overprotective mom, btw both kids of mine are in college. I just wonder how someone can send their little ones off. would you worry about other people who they may be around?
Easy--the law says you have to. It's either let them go, or go to The Pokey. Which would you choose?
Reading the ?married thread, I just wonder how you can divorce your children's parent with all the feelings and anxiety involved and then feel confident enough to send them along on visitation. I guess I just can't get that mother bear out of me enough to understand this arrangement. Now please do not see this as an attack, just wanting to know how you were able to reconcile your personal happiness with not having your children around for periods of time. Responses will be read without judgement. And please do not flame me or others. Disclaimer, i am a catholic so I can not even go there on the divorce issue.
Just because a person divorces their spouse does not mean they view their ex as a bad parent!
If the issues they divorced over were far removed from parenting issues they can still co-parent together quite successfully after a divorce. Then there would be no reason to feel anxious about sending your kids to be with the other parent you already trust, as a parent.
I think what you are REALLY asking as a mother bear is, how can a good mother stand the thought of her children being out of her sight and control for extended periods of time? The fact is, good mothers do not smother their children and over protect them. Good mothers teach their children to trust their own instincts, how to make good choices and how to feel safe and okay being away from "the nest". Thus, in the scenario you painted a good mother sends her child off to his dad's with a big smile, some reassurances that you'll see each other again very soon, and encouragement to have a great time Of course she misses her child, sometimes terribly. But she never lets her child know that or feel responsible for her feelings in any way. She sucks it up because this is one of the unfortunate consequences of not being able to stay married.
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And please do not flame me or others. Disclaimer, i am a catholic so I can not even go there on the divorce issue.
