Is this cheating? (women, lover, husband, too young)
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I did ask him why he kept contacting her. He always lied and only admitted contact when I caught him. Then, he always said they were just friends and talking. If I ask him and I have no proof, he will lie especially now when he knows it might be over. She has never spoken to me or tried to be my friend. She is the one who broke up with him, over and over. She cheated on him constantly, once with a friend of his. She doesn't really want him. She just doesn't want him to have anyone else. I don't think he has ever given me the whole truth about their contact. He only admits to what I know. That is why asking will not work. He will just deny it and I will be doing this again in a few months.
I know. I shouldn't have married him. We had gone to counseling and I thought he had changed. He had promised me there would be no more contact. He promised everyone, including our parents. I was a fool. I don't have proof that he's contacted her. All I know for sure is that he is on the instant message....a lot.
I agree totally with the professor....he has given you reason to suspect...so if you try and discuss this with him, DON'T let him turn it around on you, manipulating you in to believing you were wrong for snooping. He gave you reason to snoop when he broke his promise to you, and why would he have to get up out of bed in the middle of the night to contact her or to text message anyone for that matter?????
I did ask him why he kept contacting her. He always lied and only admitted contact when I caught him. Then, he always said they were just friends and talking. If I ask him and I have no proof, he will lie especially now when he knows it might be over. She has never spoken to me or tried to be my friend. She is the one who broke up with him, over and over. She cheated on him constantly, once with a friend of his. She doesn't really want him. She just doesn't want him to have anyone else. I don't think he has ever given me the whole truth about their contact. He only admits to what I know. That is why asking will not work. He will just deny it and I will be doing this again in a few months.
You know we did do some counseling about this problem before we married. He was reasonable and rational with the counselor and I thought we had resolved the problem. It has been over a year since they have had contact. So, I married him. I would do the counseling again, but I don't know if it would work. I am just feeling like it is hopeless. But, I can't walk away without some proof. I think because we're married the bar has to be set higher to walk away.
So, you say he's leaving for a business trip. Is he coming to a place like, say ... Palm Springs? I'd tail him for ya!
lol. No. But he will be near my sister and mother and I think they will go out there. I am probably going to get a private detective. Costly....but probably worth it.
I would ask him point blank what is going on. Something obviously is.
If he gives you the song and dance, then just calmly say that you realize he is incapable of being honest with his own wife about *whatever* is going on. (Don't even mention the woman, who knows maybe he has some business thing going on...)
Who knows, maybe he will come clean but the levels of distrust and non-communication seem overwhelming for a married couple.
Why did you both want to get married? What is up with that, was there some pressure to do so?
Thanks guys for all your help and for listening to me. I will be back when/if there is anything new. He is leaving today on his "business trip". I have to get to work. I will check back tonight if you have any new ideas for me.
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