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I would ask him point blank what is going on. Something obviously is.
If he gives you the song and dance, then just calmly say that you realize he is incapable of being honest with his own wife about *whatever* is going on. (Don't even mention the woman, who knows maybe he has some business thing going on...)
Who knows, maybe he will come clean but the levels of distrust and non-communication seem overwhelming for a married couple.
Why did you both want to get married? What is up with that, was there some pressure to do so?
We are in love and we get along very well except for this problem he has. Otherwise, he is a great husband. He is very good to me. And I love him very much. This breaks my heart. We do communicate well but he is not honest when he knows it is going to damage our relationship or that I might leave. I think a lot of guys are like that. And he can't resist this woman when she contacts him. I realize those are two huge faults and I know he will probably never change. In hindsight, I realize now that I shouldn't have married him. But, I honestly believed him when he said he had changed.
you've got it pretty good if you think that's cheating. maybe he likes to talk dirty to other women to get all worked up and then give you good sex? either way, until he does something physical it really isn't cheating unless he withholds emotions from you. does he treat you like a 2nd class citizen?
if my wife hired a PI to follow me around, and i got wise to it, i'd probably cheat on her then...maybe not but just saying. if you treat him like he is cheating, then what does he have to lose if he does cheat?
it sounds like he enjoyed instant messaging before you even came into the picture. maybe it is just something that he likes to do?
Thank you so much for all your help. I was going to put a keylogger on last night. He is going away on business for a few days. But, he slept with the computer next to his bed all night. He's never done that before. He was awake all night long. Everytime I turned over, he was awake, staring at the ceiling. It seems like he is guilty or something is bothering him. That is not normal. Anyway, I don't know how I am ever going to get the keylogger installed on his computer. How can I catch him?
I totally agree with all of you that this is cheating but I just don't think I can end a marriage without some proof? Do you agree?
He normally comes to bed with me but then he lately has gotten up and gone downstairs to get on his computer. This is a new thing.
Women are so crazy...lol. he is your "hubby." i'm sure he picks up on your feelings, behavior, and intent. i bet you were eye balling his computer all night long. the only thing bothering him is you and your lack of trust.
Your husband may not be physically cheating but he for sure is emotionally cheating on you. The internet is one big playground for all sorts of people to do all sorts of things both bad and good and unfortunately, your husband has chosen to use it for something not so good. My sister had the same issues with her husband talking with some woman on the internet. He was so friggin addicted that he would go upstairs at 5:00pm come down for dinner at 6:00 pm and then be up there until the wee hours of the morning. This was while she was at home watching tv by herself...duh...can you say what part of cheating didn't she get? He ended up telling my sister that he didn't feel the same about her any longer and behind my sisters back (now he gets all secretive!) he arranges to meet this "chick" in Niagara Falls...ugh. Well, he walks into the meeting place and there she is, all 400 pounds of her..no teeth and very married..UGH...got what HE deserved. My sister left him for a time, but they are back together. Sigh.
I do think there is some way for you to print out his conversations with this woman because my sister printed out his and read them back to him when he denied talking to this other woman. Boy was his face red.
I would corner your husband for sure about him talking to the ex and I would not tolerate it at all. He is either faithful to you 100% or he can hit the road. You are too young and full of life to be so upset at such an early stage of your marriage. Confront him and give him some choices. Good luck!
I wouldn't go in for all spy stuff it will wear you out "the ole cat and mouse game" call the other woman ,get to the root of it, and tell her if she want's him back she can have him, she may not even want him on those terms, she might dig the "down low" too and if you confront her she'll either fes up or back off.
We are in love and we get along very well except for this problem he has. Otherwise, he is a great husband. He is very good to me. And I love him very much. This breaks my heart. We do communicate well but he is not honest when he knows it is going to damage our relationship or that I might leave. I think a lot of guys are like that. And he can't resist this woman when she contacts him. I realize those are two huge faults and I know he will probably never change. In hindsight, I realize now that I shouldn't have married him. But, I honestly believed him when he said he had changed.
If you communicate well then confront him on this and demand honesty.
He is your HUSBAND....dishonesty is not what you do with people you love...somewhere is a disconnect.
Print this out and hand it to him.
So, you say he's leaving for a business trip. Is he coming to a place like, say ... Palm Springs? I'd tail him for ya!
You go, girl!
Funny, I once lived with a guy who visited Palm Springs (from Az) from time to time to 'visit his mom'. Oh, wait, didnt he tell me when we first met, that both his parents passed on? Hmmmm.. This was the same guy who came home from 'fishing trips' with his 'buddies' with long blond hairs on his jackets. And at the time, my hair was black. So, when I was able to stash enough $$$, he came home from one weekend visit to Palm Springs and found me gone. Along with my stuff and MY furniture. I ran into his best friend a couple of times after that, but had nothing to say to him. either, for alibi-ing for him..
This is my first post. I desperately need some advice.
I am a newlywed, married almost a year. I am 26 and my husband is 28. We dated for three years before we married. Our dating was filled with my huband (then boyfriend) contact his ex-girlfriend. He emailed her, instant messaged and googled her. Several years ago, I told him that if he ever got on the instant message again, we were done. I knew that if he was on there, he would be contacting her at some point and I would never know about it. At the time, he agreed and for several years, it appeared that he did stay off and that he had not contacted this girl.
Fast forward to today. I have discovered that he is back on the instant message...not just sometimes but most of the day and night. He is on at night when I am asleep. And you probably have guessed that the ex-girlfriend is on at the same time. However, I can't prove that they are on together, but he has broken my trust already.
Some people have suggested that I install a keylogger on his laptop computer. I have also thought of hiring a private detective. Do you consider this cheating, and if so, is it enough to end a marriage? I should add that the girl lives about a thousand miles from us. But, my husband travels a lot and I don't know that she wouldn't join him sometime.
Any help would be so appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Obviously you both share use of a pc? Go to download dot com and get a keystroke moniter. Say nothing about it! Wait a few days and let everything calm down before you even look at it. He's probably going to be on his guard for a while if you've recently had a fight about this. This is where people who have a successfully cheating spouce screw up...they give away their plans on catching them. Because they REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW. In this case it's a program that hides unless YOU look for it. You can read EVERYTHING typed on your PC. Then you'll know. But if the guy waits for you to be asleep to do this bad news...HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!
My wife did the exact same thing with her lover.
If your husband agreed to not do this instant messaging, and he is...F him..it's your PC too!
If you cannot find the program private message me and I'll give you a link to the download
A lot of different IM programs also have a 'History' of all previous conversations. If you have access to his IM, see if you can look at the history. If it is currently disabled, enable it for future use
Years ago, before DH & I got married, I was on IM all the time. A lot with one of my exes who wasn't doing well (he was clinically depressed, I think). DH (then boyfriend) told me in very clear terms that this had to stop. We had arguments for several months about it and then it dawned on me that I was ruining my future for my past. I stopped right away and haven't looked back. DH & I exchange IM/email passwords- not that we ever have looked into each other's mailboxes but it is reassuring to know that we can do it if we want to.
A lot of different IM programs also have a 'History' of all previous conversations. If you have access to his IM, see if you can look at the history. If it is currently disabled, enable it for future use
Years ago, before DH & I got married, I was on IM all the time. A lot with one of my exes who wasn't doing well (he was clinically depressed, I think). DH (then boyfriend) told me in very clear terms that this had to stop. We had arguments for several months about it and then it dawned on me that I was ruining my future for my past. I stopped right away and haven't looked back. DH & I exchange IM/email passwords- not that we ever have looked into each other's mailboxes but it is reassuring to know that we can do it if we want to.
A half brain will know to dump his history! A keystroke moniter will get you EVERYTHING...those deleted love emails...EVERYTHING!
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Is this Cheating?
