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With a name like sunny, you will bounce back! I've had some hardships, as most have and I have also felt overwhelmed, tired (of it all) but mostly disappointed in everyone and everything. It can really get you down and in a deep depression if you let it. The thought process that keeps me going is....spend as much time as you can doing things you enjoy and if that means moving, changing jobs or whatever then do it. Life's is too short to waste a single minute being unhappy. The other thing is when I'm feeling bad about my situation I think about all the people that have it so much worse and put things in perspective. You're a strong person and can get through anything just keep happiness as your goal.
I just read your other post....I know how your feeling. My family sucks and always has, even most of my friends aren't that great. I'm always a better friend to everyone than they are to me and my family only comes to me with problems (and there are a lot of them). I have felt VERY alone many times and wondered what the F*&^? What did I do to deserve this? I try to be a decent person, honest and always do the right thing but I feel surrounded by people that just want to bring me down. It's really hard feeling alone and surrounded by negativity. I don't know your whole situation but one thing I do know is you have to eliminate the people from your life that bring you down. The last two years I gave up two very close friends of mine because they were always negative. Prior to that I had a very rough, abusive relationship with someone and I will never put up with that again. If a person can't treat me with respect, I want nothing to do with him. Also, I will not spend anytime around anyone if they have a drug or alcohol problem, until they get their s*&^ together. As far as my family, I hardly speak to anyone and when I do, I try to let things go in one ear and out the other. My time is now spent doing things I like to do, when I want and how I want. I'm very friendly to people I meet and that's what I get in return. When someone gets into a negative rant about something I walk away or change the subject. Sorry to ramble but I'm hoping some of this will help you or give you some ideas. My point is if negative people and thoughts are around then that's what you will get. No matter what bad stuff happens but it's how you react to it is what matters in your life.
I've been kinda down myself lately.
Sometimes it's hard to live for the present, let alone see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But I agree with everyone's advice: count your blessings, try to stay away from toxic people, don't let meanies rent space in your head, take the time to try to sort it all out.
What helps me is going for a long walk, listening to music, tuning out the noise, tuning into my own self. That sounds very self-absorbed, but sometimes that's what you have to do to center yourself.
There are some good suggestions posted. I have been down too and sometimes it's hard to look forward. My sister suggested a "gratitude" journal as well as journaling everyday for myself. I was amazed how much it helped. I guess I had forgotten how much I had to be thankful for! I felt free to write anything and everything I felt like in my "regular" journal - as no one would read it but me.
If it helps at all - remember that you do have a lot of people who care for you - which is shown by how many people have posted and offered their friendship.
Take care, remember that sometimes you have to put yourself first!
I'm no expert at how to advise people to find personal happiness and get out of what appear to be dark periods in their lives Sunnyhelena, but I guess the first things I'd ask are ... is the marriage salvageable or do you feel it must end? If it's salvageable and both of you feel that way, maybe there's a way to bridge the gap and find a solution? Counseling?
If it's over and it's just a matter of time and you feel certain this is the case, then I'd end it ASAP and be done with it instead of dragging out the misery. Also, you can just leave as well and not worry about divorce right now. Let him file if he wants to and go about your own life for now and then make final decisions later? Life is short.
I think it would be neat for you to write down on a special yellow pad, you know those long pads with the narrow lines, all of the fantasies and dreams you think of when you imagine your life as happy and how that would look.
I often write down things that come to me and then look at what I've written and think about it. It's like it becomes somehow semi-real when you put the thought to pen and paper, and this makes it seem achievable if not possible.
I'd write down what you think about.
-Location that appeals
-Job
-House/home characteristics
-relationship?
All of those things. There is a sun out there that always rises! Sometimes we forget that when things look bleak it's only midnight and morning is sure to come
Yeah that is good advice. Use the computer instead of paper and pen. This is actually 2007. George Washington might have used the other method. Plus it is far easier to revise, update and change. You can go thru lots of paper in these processes. Plus they are never correct the first time around. Easier to hide and erase.
Ladies...here's a rose bouquet to brighten your day...
Rance and everyone- so sweet- its nice to be able to talk on here, and tell the truth. Cil- thanks also- I know things cant be this bad forever- I am happy to have some good friends here!
sunny, many times during our lives, we are staring at a crossroads, some much more serious than others, i cant begin to advise you what to do, what road to take, i can only apply, suggest, what ive learned in my own past.
one rule of thumb, if things are chitty in many areas of your life, then you've got to look in the mirror, remember, its not the hand you are dealt, its how you play it.
if things are chitty in the relationship part, and then clouding up other areas, then youve got to identify that.
try for counseling, write a long letter, do what you can, to resolve a marriage, however, if that doesnt work, then it may be time for some serious decisions, life is wayyy too short, its sad to waste much of your tme, with someone that causes tension, hurt, or pain.
id much rather be alone than in a chitty relationship.
i woke up one morning, realized i was living a lie, looked at myself in the mirror, couldnt recognize myself, i spent years, trying to please someone that couldnt be pleased, i spent yrs living my life out of someone elses eyes, and it was "never enough", but i kept on trying, til i couldnt recognize who i was anymore.
yes we split, but by that time, the marriage was long over, looking back, i should have rectified the small snowballs, before they got bigger, before they grow into a depressed snowman.
it always takes two, in any relationship,
again, please try to salvage what you have, and possibly rekindle, but once you realize, you are kicking a dead horse , then its time for serious decision-making
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sunny
Thanks!
