LONELINESS result of modern society (wife, marriage, women, loving)
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I feel that in current society, fewer and fewer people know how to enjoy their own company. Then they see everyone else yakking away on their cellphones, or if they are on MySpace or Facebook, there is a pressure to have a large social network. These days, everyone wants to be popular or someone's BFF.
I love my own company. I enjoy solitary times in my day and life. Usually, I am so exhausted from being outgoing towards the guests and my co-workers at my part time job, that being at home alone is a welcome relief and a recharging time for me. I keep in touch with my close friends mostly by email, and try to see them in person a few times a year. The person I see most is my boyfriend.
I am very happy with my life.
Glad to hear you are happy.
I can spend hours a lone. I think my problem is that I MISS too many actual people not ones I wish I knew.
I do art work and being housebound disabled, do have rich intellectual inner world? I even had my art show in absentia the other day.
I'm sorry about the troubles you're having in life, but Loneliness is not the result of modern society, but rather the failure of people to remain in touch.
Last time I heard, the phones are still working. You're using the Internet, so that means you have access to e-mail. The fact that you've lost touch with all these people is as incumbent on you as it is on them.
I don't mean to harsh on you here, because I'm actually sympathetic. At the same time, nurturing friendships and relationships is work, and I'm guessing that you haven't done your part. And being sick isn't what's standing in your way.
So do yourself a favor and start picking up the phone.
Oh I am in touch with them all.
I guess I didnt write that clearly. I am the phone queen on some days, and have 12 people I email constnatly and send packages to others.
I do feel like I cant do my part in seeing and visiting folks, that part is tough cause of the illness.
Just feel frustrated that I live so far away from so many people I care about, and there isnt one place to go "home"if you know what I mean.
I think the internet, these kind of forums, emails, texting, etc. can become a substitution for real life for some people, but that doesn't seem to be your problem. You have a health problem, and that limits your ability to interact with real people. In your case, I'd say you're better off than someone in your situation would have been say, fifty years ago. You say you had an art show, so you are a visual artist, which by necessity keeps you in the house more than most avocations would. Do you live in a rural area? I never have, but have always wondered how severe loneliness would get if you couldn't walk out your front door and see people, cars, civilization. If my assumption as to your environment is correct, ever think of moving to a city, even a town?
Health permitting, you just need to connect with people. You may be lonely, but you are not alone. Many others have a void in their lives, and you just might be able to fill some. Find places with people who have a common interest. Good luck.
I dont make big money at art shows, I was art teacher years ago, but do sell some stuff. I live in a town now. So I have civilization around here. I do think finding people with common interest is good. Being disabled I have quite the social world online, there are people I have been friends with online for 11 years plus...but need some more real world contact with folks, beyond visiting home doctor.
I understand your point, but I don't blame it. Blaming loneliness today on modern life is a complete cop-out. Friendships, whether you're 9 or 90, require nurturing. They are fragile things that die from inattention.
Today there are more ways to stay in touch with others than ever in the history of mankind, and more easily than ever. Heck, I stay in touch with people I worked with 30 years ago. All it takes is the occasional e-mail that says, "Sam! How have you been?"
Just last Wednesday, after several people requested I do so, I got a Facebook account. Today, voila! I have 48 friends, some of whom I had lost contact with, all in a matter of 5 days.
Now you do raise an issue with the elderly and infirm. Yet, based on my time working with retirement communities, I've encountered and interviewed any number of residents who have managed to stay in close touch with friends and family from around the country, even if they are too feeble to leave their room. My grandfather, a sociable cat if ever there was one, had a bevy of friends until his death at 88, even though he was in a retirement community for several years.
I am hoping to hvae a bunch of friends at whatever housing community I can get into. I befriend elderly people quite easily.
I got a Facebook account the other day LOL, I have 4 friends on there, but have been on other boards recently more...I signed up just 1 or 2 days ago.
Just feel frustrated that I live so far away from so many people I care about, and there isnt one place to go "home"if you know what I mean.
How old are you? What about trying to relocate to a place that is close to your friends?
One of my antique dealer friends is also living far away from her family and close friends. She was fine for 25 years living in the area she lives in now as her best friend lived with her and later was her next door neighbor. Then he passed away suddenly one day of a heart condition. She really needs to move, but she has some other issues. She sees most of her close friends several times a year when they all do the same antique shows. But it can be many weeks and even months between those shows.
How old are you? What about trying to relocate to a place that is close to your friends?
I am 40 but much older due to illness. probably equal to 60-70 year old person that way.
Friends and family are all spread out hinter and yon. Many live in places I cant even afford to live in.
If your antique dealer friend has a place she can go *Home* to, that is a good idea.
For me I probably am going to end up in whatever small Michigan town, the housing comes up in, researched different ones, and or in Ohio near brother, though I fear living in big city, I found out waiting lists there are at least a year.
I'm 44 and have Systemic Lupus. I worked until I simply couldn't anymore (I was an English teacher), when the disease starting affecting my vital organs and became life-threatening. I was declared disabled three years ago and two years ago moved to a new city to be closer to my son and in a better climate.
It's tough starting over and it does take a while to make new friends. I was struck by the title of your thread because it's been what I've been thinking lately, too. With all of our instant communication devices and technology, folks can still be lonely. An email is no substitute for a friend coming to visit in person.
After struggling so long to keep working and pushing myself to the detriment of my health, I'm enjoying the fact that I can just take care of myself and "be." I can't say that I'm lonely very often. I've made some friends through church and still keep in touch with my other friends by phone and email. I love to listen to music, read, write poetry, and do light gardening.
One thing that I have decided recently is that I need to consider dating again. I really don't think I want to get married but I do long for male companionship. If I could have a male "friend with benefits," my life would be quite good, despite my stupid disease. I really focus on keeping my sense of humor and not giving in to self-pity. It's hard some days but I'm a positive and hopeful person.
You're going through a whole lot of big changes and issues! Be extra kind to yourself and do the things that make you happy. Things tend to fall into place when you address them honestly and look for the good in every situation. Sometimes you have to look hard, but there's usually something there!
Unless you've been marooned on a desert island, loneliness is really a choice.
I usually agree with most of your posts CP, but I'm not too sure about this one. First I would say that loneliness is not an all or not at all condition, that there are degrees of loneliness and also that it comes and goes at different times of your life.
Wouldn't you agree that there are factors that lend to loneliness? For example illness, geography, family situation, work situation, and of course, and this may be where you were going with this, life experiences and inborn personality type. I'm not sick, not that I know of, not old relatively, work part of the day around people, have not been so burned by my life that I'm jaded or turned off to people, and by nature I am more extroverted than most, but I've known loneliness at different times in my life. I'd risk a steak dinner that most of us have. You haven't? Really? If the answer is no I'd wonder how much of that you'd attribute to good fortune, even if it was just the good fortune to be born and/or have developed a personality that lends itself to socializing?
I usually agree with most of your posts CP, but I'm not too sure about this one. First I would say that loneliness is not an all or not at all condition, that there are degrees of loneliness and also that it comes and goes at different times of your life.
Wouldn't you agree that there are factors that lend to loneliness? For example illness, geography, family situation, work situation, and of course, and this may be where you were going with this, life experiences and inborn personality type. I'm not sick, not that I know of, not old relatively, work part of the day around people, have not been so burned by my life that I'm jaded or turned off to people, and by nature I am more extroverted than most, but I've known loneliness at different times in my life. I'd risk a steak dinner that most of us have. You haven't? Really? If the answer is no I'd wonder how much of that you'd attribute to good fortune, even if it was just the good fortune to be born and/or have developed a personality that lends itself to socializing?
Well, ExPit, you raise good points. And I think you identified key factors that could promote a sense of isolation, such as geography or illness. Yet, unless we're in solitary confinement, or alone in an arctic research station, the overwhelming number of us have contact with others in our lives. And, true, we all have short stretches of loneliness in our lives.
However, I don't think I'm overreaching at all, for friendship is work, and those who learn to make friends have overcome all the obstacles you've stated above. There are strongmen who can pull a freight locomotive with their teeth. There are savants who tell you immediately what day of the week April 11, 1753 was. And there are people who naturally make friends, the folks who walk into a room full of strangers and leaves with 20 new friends. I'm not one of those people.
For the rest of us, even those with lots of friends, it's work. It takes stepping outside one's comfort zone to learn about someone new, or invite them into your circle. It takes effort to stay in touch and broaden your acquaintances, rather than simply live in one's own interior world. It means picking up the telephone, dashing off an e-mail, inviting someone to lunch, or remembering a birthday.
I'm not really harshing on the lonely people of the world, for that would be cruel. But, at the same time, those whom I've known to be lonely all the time were that way because they truly failed to reach out to others or to nurture budding acquaintances or to conquer their own fear of really experiencing life--despite all their protests. For the pleasure of life is in the discovery of new friends and passions in life, not the slowing pacing back and forth at the familiar bars of a cage of one's own making.
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