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I'm not saying it's wrong; you do what is best for you. I'm wondering about the rationale behind the decision.
You meet someone, find them attractive, get to know them, date them, move in with/marry them. It doesn't work out. OK. But this is someone you wanted to spend your life with, someone you were intimate with and with whom you shared many things that you don't share with others.
There are people who have children in common who still share holidays with the new spouses, who are still best friends and not just for the kids. Then there are those who think an ex is an ex and they should have no part of them any longer or only as much as is necessary for the sake of the kids, no matter what the reasons were for breaking up.
Leave out having a new spouse/partner. Where do you stand with this personally?
I've had this thought too. Two people meet, find enough of an attraction to go beyond the surface, then beyond the sexual, then to the intellectual and the emotional, vow eternal love, friendship and loyalty one day and the next are sworn enemies, the thin line between love and hate. Hate to be the first male poster to bring it up, but women are especially grudge-holding and vindictive. Hell hath no fury, etc. Emotional? Or because women commit more profoundly so that when it's over feel even more betrayed? Granted this is a generalization, but from what I have seen women are less likely to remain civil when it's over.
Ack, I was hoping to steer clear of the gender discussion but hey, where's the fun in that, right?
I've met men and women alike who can't break up nicely. They seem to think that break ups are supposed to be nasty and hateful. It's like I said in another thread, falling out of love is not a betrayal but some will treat it as such. And I would be way concerned if my guy wanted to avoid places and activities because the ex was there, or if he maintained a hatred for her even while claiming to love me. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Unfinished business. Aside from the fact that I find it extremely immature, especially with people who contributed to the demise of their relationships.
Yeah, of course that vengeful sentiment has nothing to do with 'love', and is all about hurt and anger. I have to say I have felt this way maybe twice in my life, but not because I had remorse about a relationship gone bad, but because after I had spent on both occasions months with a woman, found that they were not good people after all, and so I was probably angry with myself. If we really love someone, we don't feel that way. We want the best for them even when it's over.
Yeah, of course that vengeful sentiment has nothing to do with 'love', and is all about hurt and anger. I have to say I have felt this way maybe twice in my life, but not because I had remorse about a relationship gone bad, but because after I had spent on both occasions months with a woman, found that they were not good people after all, and so I was probably angry with myself. If we really love someone, we don't feel that way. We want the best for them even when it's over.
Amen to that. Been in that angry place as well, righfully so I must say. But people will only get away with what you allow.
I can say there are exes that I don't really care for, have nothing in common with anymore. I even giggle a little when karma kicks in. But I wouldn't really wish them any ill and I don't even love them anymore.
americans here are at best fuzzy. 53% of women say they have slept with the ex. how bout better boundaries. this stuff confuses kids to no end and guess what ---then they go out and do it.
I'm not that way at all about my ex-wife. She and I never had a child together though in 11 years of being together, 9 of which under marriage...we tried often and never used anything to prevent it.
I have since had a child with my new wife and then I found out she too had a child with her new husband. I was elated when I heard the news. I know the joys of what a child brings to a life and I am so glad she finally got to have a child as well...even though Dr's said it would never happen. Good for her even if it was without me.
How can you possibly think that perhaps people should keep an ex in the "picture" whether it be for the children or for themselves or for whatever reason? Sure, there are people who still have their exes in their lives but for the most part the whole "You planned to spend your life with this person, shared having kids together" stuff doesn't apply to everyone and if you think for one second that all people with exes get along...oops...big mistake.
I have an ex. I divorced him because he cheated on me 5 times, was always drunk, smoked pot, did other drugs, was emotionally abusive to both my son and I, wouldn't work and in the end he took off with another man's wife...she left a kid to be with this moron. Did I want him to be in his son's life....euphorically YES...now who was the moron??? He did stay in touch with my son until my son got so big he intimidated the ex. When my son got married, the ex came to the wedding with his new wife and they stayed through dinner then when the dancing and party stuff got rolling, they left to go back to their hotel room to smoke pot and drink.
Is he out of the picture entirely...YOU BETCHA and there he will stay and it wasn't my choice...,my son wants nothing to do with this butt hole.
In the real world, we all want the perfect marriage with the promise of love and fidelity a real thing...it isn't always that way. We want to have a man who is a good father, good provider and loves us even when our bodies pooch out beyond belief due to pregnancy or maybe middle age...not that way. There are some men who are constantly looking for Nirvana and that perfect 10 for a wife..good luck. There are women who look for the same thing...Yeah, right and some people simply deserve each other...like my ex and his wife.
If he fell off the face of the earth I would stand and watch it happen doing the happy butt dance the whole time. BUH BYE
How can you possibly think that perhaps people should keep an ex in the "picture" whether it be for the children or for themselves or for whatever reason?
I think it because it happens and when it does, everyone seems to be happy with it. That certainly doesn't mean it SHOULD happen in every case; as I stated in my OP, you do what is best for you.
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Sure, there are people who still have their exes in their lives but for the most part the whole "You planned to spend your life with this person, shared having kids together" stuff doesn't apply to everyone and if you think for one second that all people with exes get along...oops...big mistake.
So condescending, why? Where did I say that all people with exes get along or should get along? The question was what makes some people able to do it where others can't? What is the deal with those of you who don't READ what is right there in front of you?
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I have an ex. I divorced him because he cheated on me 5 times, was always drunk, smoked pot, did other drugs, was emotionally abusive to both my son and I, wouldn't work and in the end he took off with another man's wife...she left a kid to be with this moron. Did I want him to be in his son's life....euphorically YES...now who was the moron??? He did stay in touch with my son until my son got so big he intimidated the ex. When my son got married, the ex came to the wedding with his new wife and they stayed through dinner then when the dancing and party stuff got rolling, they left to go back to their hotel room to smoke pot and drink.
Is he out of the picture entirely...YOU BETCHA and there he will stay and it wasn't my choice...,my son wants nothing to do with this butt hole.
If he fell off the face of the earth I would stand and watch it happen doing the happy butt dance the whole time. BUH BYE
Clearly, he is not someone you should remain in contact with. Hopefully this was cathartic for you.
But what if he wasn't such a butt hole? What if you just grew apart? If you fell out of love with him or vice versa?
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Why eliminate the ex entirely
