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This is what I have always said in all of my relationships... some people look at me wierd because I feel this way also.. but the question of the day is.. what happens when the kids move away and its just you and them? The family crumbles? I think not.. because the family should have always been about the man and woman..
In some cases it does crumble. And the other spouse is wondering why the one they put second is leaving them for greener pastures.
I really dont care if it is PC or not to make that statement.. that is what is wrong with society these days.. too many people get their feathers ruffled.
I wasn't attacking you when I said that it was a PC thing to say. I agree with you BTW, people are way to PC say anything anymore. It's total BS.
It's like people don't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room these days.
I think the mom doesn't want to feel like the child is stopping her from finding THE RIGHT GUY so she will just go along with the guy not being fully accepting of her kid.
Maybe the behavior of the child didn't show itself until later. It is difficult to automatically love another person's child when there is friction...like meddling x's, differing opinions about expectations, etc. When these things can't get worked past, a resentment builds for both the parent and the child. My situation it is like that. But it wasn''t until puberty began for my daughter (6 years after my husband and I met), that my child lost all control and we entered her into placement. She's out now and doing well, but 2 years before she was placed, she was diagnosed with mental illnesses. My husband comes from the school of thought that if you just spank the kids as they grow up, they won't be depressed or anxious or defiant, or even ADHD. I know if doesn't work that way (she did recieve discipline growning up BTW...just not corperal punishment). I have talked to therapists, read books and articals, and attended NAMI support groups, but my husband struggles to accept that depression/anxiety, ODD, ADHD are real conditions. To further complicate things, his son has wonderful grades and no mental issues (other than a grand sense of entitlement and being very lazy). My husband can't get past the idea that we can't have exactly the same expectations for both kids. My child is always a disappointment to him and he is often angry with me. If I had been able to look into a crystal ball and see how things would play out as my child got older, I very well may have ran for the hills, rather than the alter. I don't know if any of us can form an opinion without knowing more...and there's always more to know.
Last edited by sydysmom; 12-24-2010 at 11:33 AM..
Reason: wrong thread
Maybe the behavior of the child didn't show itself until later. It is difficult to automatically love another person's child when there is friction...like meddling x's, differing opinions about expectations, etc. When these things can't get worked past, a resentment builds for both the parent and the child. My situation it is like that. But it wasn''t until puberty began for my daughter (6 years after my husband and I met), that my child lost all control and we entered her into placement. She's out now and doing well, but 2 years before she was placed, she was diagnosed with mental illnesses. My husband comes from the school of thought that if you just spank the kids as they grow up, they won't be depressed or anxious or defiant, or even ADHD. I know if doesn't work that way (she did recieve discipline growning up BTW...just not corperal punishment). I have talked to therapists, read books and articals, and attended NAMI support groups, but my husband struggles to accept that depression/anxiety, ODD, ADHD are real conditions. To further complicate things, his son has wonderful grades and no mental issues (other than a grand sense of entitlement and being very lazy). My husband can't get past the idea that we can't have exactly the same expectations for both kids. My child is always a disappointment to him and he is often angry with me. If I had been able to look into a crystal ball and see how things would play out as my child got older, I very well may have ran for the hills, rather than the alter. I don't know if any of us can form an opinion without knowing more...and there's always more to know.
True, and like a lot of parents she might be deluding herself into believing the child really isn't "that bad" and he just sees the reality.
It happens alot more often than what you would think doesnt it? I myself have never understood why ppl do that, oh and the worst ones are the ones who will pick their man or woman over their own children, forcing their children out for the sake of their partners happiness.
It's always amazed me that in English (or at least here; not sure how it is in the other English-speaking countries) a couple is called "a married couple" and then when they have children they become "a family." To me the primary relationship in any working marriage is between the husband and the wife regardless of whether all the kids are their own or not. Kids are not supposed to run households; adults are. Kids are supposed to have limits; adults are to set them. Children come into your life, spend some time with you, and then go on their own. The "family" should be the long-lasting relationship between the husband and the wife and the agreement between them. They have to represent an united front; not biological parents siding with their children and giving in to all their unreasonable demands while "accepting" somebody to "join" their already-existing "family" as an unimportant appendix to it.
Yes, but....
You're absolutely right. But the assumption there is that the stepparent will treat their stepchildren as their own.
Dammit. Another Lazarus thread. Who keeps resurrecting these?
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Grow 'em, Chow!
