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I agree with ExPit that you're not getting the whole story -- either that or she doesn't have the smarts to have a whole story. No, she shouldn't be worried about what his previous girl friends looked like nor what happens to be his preferred color of hair. A guy can have a preference without it being a determining factor. I've usually been attracted to blondes and was married to two of them -- or maybe 1 1/2. (She changed colors after awhile.) My current wife is a brunette. I wouldn't care if she changed it to red. Wouldn't make a bit of difference. (Although green might be pushing it!)
But your girlfriend is bound to lose this guy. I'd bet that's what she wants. If that's not what she wants, you need to do the friend-thing and throw some cold water in her face.
Junior high sounds about right. What was she doing when everyone around her was growing up?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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How is it she didn't know all this stuff before she married him? I don't know, I'm stuck somewhere between she's either self-fulfilling prophesy of doom with her insecurities and she created it by marrying someone she should have known beforehand. If it were me, I'd be reinventing myself right about now--fake confidence until you feel it. It's one of the most attractive characteristics a person can have.
She's reeeeaaally insecure & immature, that's for sure....but he's also insensitive & disrespectful with his behavior (the things he is viewing and dwelling his mind on - photos of other women).
Neither of their issues is worth throwing the marriage away for (unless she is not telling you the whole story), and they will both just bring those problems into their next relationship if they do not solve it now anyway.
They both need to communicate better. It seems like she doesn't want to though, so what can you do.
I agree with ExPit that you're not getting the whole story -- either that or she doesn't have the smarts to have a whole story. No, she shouldn't be worried about what his previous girl friends looked like nor what happens to be his preferred color of hair. A guy can have a preference without it being a determining factor. I've usually been attracted to blondes and was married to two of them -- or maybe 1 1/2. (She changed colors after awhile.) My current wife is a brunette. I wouldn't care if she changed it to red. Wouldn't make a bit of difference. (Although green might be pushing it!)
But your girlfriend is bound to lose this guy. I'd bet that's what she wants. If that's not what she wants, you need to do the friend-thing and throw some cold water in her face.
Junior high sounds about right. What was she doing when everyone around her was growing up?
How do you think is makes my head feel when I get the calls come midnight. In junior high, she was actually getting in and out of one negative relationship after another starting "literally" in junior high. As I tried to explain to her, she has to step back and think about what she is feeling before she does something drastic. Knowing her as long as I have, I feel it might be typical of her to self fulfill her own destiny. I believe this is all a fear of aging for her which she would probably hate me for saying. Deep down, she is afraid of being married to a man and getting older and getting left the way her mother was. She doesn't believe a man will stay with her once she ages so now she is wanting plastic surgery and all kinds of crazy crap.
We've been friends for twenty years and I want to help her, but I know deep down, nothing I say will get through. Its her and that's something she will have to deal with on her own.
She's one of those people who believes looks is everything especially when it comes to her own.
She's reeeeaaally insecure & immature, that's for sure....but he's also insensitive & disrespectful with his behavior (the things he is viewing and dwelling his mind on - photos of other women).
This is the thing - she won't tell him this bothers her.
This is the thing - she won't tell him this bothers her.
The she is, in a sense, sabotaging her own marriage. Failure to even attempt to communicate with your spouse is recipe for disaster. The most important thing you'll find in any successful marriage is great communication.
The she is, in a sense, sabotaging her own marriage. Failure to even attempt to communicate with your spouse is recipe for disaster. The most important thing you'll find in any successful marriage is great communication.
Why wont she tell him about this?
I don't know with her if she does, in fact, tell me everything. It took a solid year for me to get the answer to why she had broke up with this one guy back in the 90's.
She won't tell him because she's afraid of his answer. She said "he'll know I'm insecure". Well, duh! I'm sure he already has noticed things about her. From what I've heard from our other friend who lives near her, he seems to really love her, but he is one of those guys who always hung out at strip joints and dated those kinds of women in the past. The more she delves, the more she finds out and the more miserable she becomes.
But already she wants to flirt with other men to "keep her options open". She is one of those people who would probably cheat first because she figures its inevitable for her to be cheated on. And she ends up with creep after creep after creep. Its a vicious cycle.
I thought this was the "one".
Its funny because she finally got me to break down and get a profile to chat with all of our old friends. He's also on my friend's list and I noticed he does have photos of the two of them in his albums online for everyone to see. Its not like he's hiding the fact that they are married to get women.
That would be the one thing that would make me feel better if I were her - he's not hiding their relationship.
But already she wants to flirt with other men to "keep her options open". She is one of those people who would probably cheat first because she figures its inevitable for her to be cheated on.
Well, she's definitely a loser. Hope they get divorced because the guy deserves someone better.
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A guy can have a preference without it being a determining factor. I've usually been attracted to blondes and was married to two of them -- or maybe 1 1/2. (She changed colors after awhile.) My current wife is a brunette. I wouldn't care if she changed it to red. Wouldn't make a bit of difference. (Although green might be pushing it!) 
