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How damaging is it to hear your woman (or man, I guess) whom you've been with for many years, tell you she doesn't think anyone else would want you? Is it enough for you to walk out over? Cheat over? How would you handle it?
I know a very sweet guy--and this is how he really is with everyone, family included. I think it's a nice-guy syndrome thing.
I'll tell you one thing, she's walking on dangerous ground if that's what she really thinks.
It makes me sad to even read stuff like this.
/begin rant
I mean holy <insert a torrent of curse words here> what the F is wrong with people?
It really pee's me off because I'm involuntarily single and it seems like I'm picking up the baggage that every ass (male and female) out there has help create.
Apparently I need to grow a thicker skin and be a heckuva lot choosier and get used to going extended periods without a SO. It's hard...I'm a little hurt and lonely, is it so much to GDAMN ask for?
Ya know Math, I never really even thought about that... your situation, I mean...you're young, you're handsome....you've had a relationship and you have had the most significant loss.
I swear, if I ended up single I doubt very much I would look for anything/anyone. At this point I have kids/grandkids and have the great love of my life. So, for me and only me, anything else would be a waste of time. I could live ok without my husband..financially... and eventually emotionally and physically. There is no filling the void he would leave.
My hat is off to you, my friend!
Not to mention I have such a LOW threshold for BS....
Im not sure if this has been said to me or not, I think is has, I just laugh it off, I don't believe it. It is like a previous poster said, something that is said when someone feels he (usually he, I think) is loosing you. It is a way to scare you into staying when U R thinking about going.
Have you not learned from me and Twinkle Toes that being single is actually a blessing in disguise.
I understand where you are coming from because when I dated I loved having a person to talk to on the phone and go out with, I loved telling jokes and have my date add to my jokes, I loved laughing for hours on end, however, you can think of that time like a wonderful vacation in the Florida Keys where it will only last a short while before the fun and goodness comes to a halt. The feeling is like an addiction though, because I still crave to go out with my platonic ex-BF, but I know better because he was a little bit of a decadent "bad boy".
Even in so called good relationships the fun and satisfaction will eventually come to a screeching halt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
It makes me sad to even read stuff like this.
/begin rant
I mean holy <insert a torrent of curse words here> what the F is wrong with people?
It really pee's me off because I'm involuntarily single and it seems like I'm picking up the baggage that every ass (male and female) out there has help create.
Apparently I need to grow a thicker skin and be a heckuva lot choosier and get used to going extended periods without a SO. It's hard...I'm a little hurt and lonely, is it so much to GDAMN ask for?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1
Im not sure if this has been said to me or not, I think is has, I just laugh it off, I don't believe it. It is like a previous poster said, something that is said when someone feels he (usually he, I think) is loosing you. It is a way to scare you into staying when U R thinking about going.
My friend comes from a long line of successful marriages--or so they would seem as they've had very few divorces in recent decades--so I think he feels like he's failing if he lets it go down the drain. I'm guessing--if I know him at all, this is what's going on. He feels he has to fix it. Plus, he's an amazing dad and loves his children more than life itself and doesn't want to hurt them. I can kind of see his dilemma. However, I could only take my shell of a marriage for 19 years before I finally walked.
That's what my so tells me all the time, result : my self-esteem is at all time low, and she got what she wanted, no woman is going to be interested in a guy with low self esteem. VERY very smart from her I must say!
Your friend is being systematically abused and manipulated. I stayed too long in a similar spot-it will take time to unwind and toss out these false tapes from someone who is supposed to love you. Divorce is not about failure in these circumstances it is about a release from pain-some people have no idea a marriage is meant to benefit and uplift your partner. Their version includes control and dominance at whatever cost to the other person. Keep giving your friend positive feedback. Point out where he makes friends, has successes and can look at the positive. It is a great kindness to keep shining a light in the darkness...good luck to both of you.
Rep to you future1. Great post! It is a terrible place to be. I have been in a marriage just like this for far too long. It does feel like a release is forthcoming. It really is hard to face as a man. I wish anyone in this same situation the best of luck in getting out.
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Their version includes control and dominance at whatever cost to the other person. Keep giving your friend positive feedback. Point out where he makes friends, has successes and can look at the positive. It is a great kindness to keep shining a light in the darkness...good luck to both of you.
