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I think maybe you need to walk away and dont look back . This guy is obviously more concerned with what his family thinks of the two of you than anything else and to me that spells trouble for yrs to come . I certainly would not even think about having kids with someone like this . You need to find someone who is not always concerned about what their family thinks and can be commited to a relationship this guy sounds like neither . good luck dear and I wish you well but really it probably is best to just walk away .
I have to agree for the most part with phonylady61. I mean if it's been two years (albeit off and on), at some point you have to grow a pair and make a decision. Either he loves you enough to stand up to his family or he doesn't. You shouldn't ever make an ultimatum but rather just tell him that you are tired of waiting and wish things to go further and if he can't give you that due to his family issues with the relationship then you have to move on.
It's only fair to you that you do this, you deserve to be loved and accepted like anyone would want to be in a relationship and all the time you have spent putting hope into something could have been time spent finding someone who does accept everything about you. Good luck.
Have you had a chance to observe his behavior around his family? Do they have control over his actions or does he compromise who he is for them? If his mom or dad have more influence over his choices, and he does a lot to appease them, it could be a sign of things to come. You may have to play this tug of war forever.
I don't want this to be " another interracial" relationship thread, but I do have a situation- need reasonable opinions.
I am the darker half of an interracial relationship. We have been together on and off for almost 2 years. He says he loves me, but is torn as his family refuses to support him as far as our relationship goes. So it's basically me or them. I don't ever want to make someone choose, and feel that in the future it would be a bone of contention between us if things ever turned bad. I love him, but ultimately may have to walk away...what's a girl to do. I want him to make a decision, I don't want to force him to do anything. But i can't wait forever.
Well, I'm so sorry about this. In this day and age, it's hard to believe that people still think this way.
However, I think you're getting a glimpse into your boyfriend's character here and you shouldn't like what you're seeing. For if you marry a person, you marry the family--like it or not. And the fact that your boyfriend does not have the basic cojones to stand up to his family says a lot.
Think about this. What other areas in life is he going to get steamrolled by his parents? Your decisions about children and religious faith? Where the two of you will live? How you decorate your house? Money? Having some pretty opinionated in-laws myself, I can tell you that a backbone is necessary. And if your boyfriend doesn't grow one in respect to the most important relationship of his life, when do you think he's going to do it?
It shouldn't come down to a choice between you and his family. He should tell his family that he loves you and that they're the ones who are going to have to choose. Not him.
BY giving him an ultimatum you've pretty much sealed your relationship fate. Personally I would never want to be with a man whose family was against our relationship. One day he's going to resent you for taking him away from his family.
I don't want this to be " another interracial" relationship thread, but I do have a situation- need reasonable opinions.
I am the darker half of an interracial relationship. We have been together on and off for almost 2 years. He says he loves me, but is torn as his family refuses to support him as far as our relationship goes. So it's basically me or them. I don't ever want to make someone choose, and feel that in the future it would be a bone of contention between us if things ever turned bad. I love him, but ultimately may have to walk away...what's a girl to do. I want him to make a decision, I don't want to force him to do anything. But i can't wait forever.
Why has this been an "on and off" relationship?
Do you fight a lot? Are your fights only about his parents?
In the two years, is it more on than off?
And how old are the both of you?
And does he need the financial support of his family for any reason like schooling?
Does your family like him?
I feel that he doesn't love you enough to marry you. It seems to me that if he was really in to you, then he'd have more of an attitude of not caring what his parents think of you as his girlfriend. Especially during the first three years of a romantic relationship when the crush/lust feelings should be strongest.
Since you've given him an ultimatum, just be really calm about whatever happens, no fireworks. Don't be that crazy ex girlfriend. Part on a friendly note and be firm about the break up. Give him a chance to miss you. Maybe months down the line, he will realize what he lost.
Otherwise, I don't think that dating a guy on and off for two years is enough to qualify for fiance status.
no ultimaturm.
but do start making it more serious with him if thats what you want. hopefully hes on the same page.
what has helped friends with disapproving families is to bring them around the APPROVING family side. soon enough the partner with the backwards family begins to think how nice it would be for his family to enjoy how great of a partner they have.
in this case you would bring him around to your side of the family. he would get to know people and he would see not only what his family is missing out on, but what he is missing out on. it would make him wonder, "why cant my family be like that?"
if that does not prompt some change, then it just might be better to move on.
and since it is on and off, has he met your side? if not, then it does not seem like that serious of a relationship and you DEF should MOVE ON.
I don't want this to be " another interracial" relationship thread, but I do have a situation- need reasonable opinions.
I am the darker half of an interracial relationship. We have been together on and off for almost 2 years. He says he loves me, but is torn as his family refuses to support him as far as our relationship goes. So it's basically me or them. I don't ever want to make someone choose, and feel that in the future it would be a bone of contention between us if things ever turned bad. I love him, but ultimately may have to walk away...what's a girl to do. I want him to make a decision, I don't want to force him to do anything. But i can't wait forever.
define 'relationship.'
if you mean this person wishes to marry you, they are putting him in the unfair position of choosing between you and them-- and his first loyalty should be to you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. That said, I don't respond well to ultimatums, and that alone would probably cause me to walk. I've done it before. I think he does deserve a bit of sympathy as well, because he's sort of between the proverbial rock and hard place. I hope things work out for you.
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