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Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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How does that work usually? When two people meet each other & things are going swimmingly, & the man brings up sex (not in a conversation, just through his actions: e.g. being incredibly touchy-feely, wanting to "feel you up", or making sexual innuendoes (OK that is wordy)...or if the woman brings up sex (e.g. doing the same things as a man or just bringing it up in a conversation)...or what if a man/woman asks you how many partners you have been with or if you are sexually active? Is that too personal of a question, esp. if you are getting to know one another?
What I'm trying to ask is: is it good to bring sex up, esp. if you are getting serious so the other partner can know where you stand on the issue (no sex before marriage or or should it just happen naturally? I imagine it wouldn't be wise to bring it up in the early stages huh? Because then the other person will think that's all you were after? Right or wrong?
I alway make my intentions clear. If it feels even remotely close to the stage where one or the both of us seem to be thinking about sex, I lay it all out.
After all, if I can't say what I want, then I sure as heck can't go for it.
How does that work usually? When two people meet each other & things are going swimmingly, & the man brings up sex (not in a conversation, just through his actions: e.g. being incredibly touchy-feely, wanting to "feel you up", or making sexual innuendoes (OK that is wordy)...or if the woman brings up sex (e.g. doing the same things as a man or just bringing it up in a conversation)...or what if a man/woman asks you how many partners you have been with or if you are sexually active? Is that too personal of a question, esp. if you are getting to know one another?
What I'm trying to ask is: is it good to bring sex up, esp. if you are getting serious so the other partner can know where you stand on the issue (no sex before marriage or or should it just happen naturally? I imagine it wouldn't be wise to bring it up in the early stages huh? Because then the other person will think that's all you were after? Right or wrong?
Your thoughts are appreciated...
Ok, here goes....
If you are both older and are dating, you *know* its going to happen if you stay together. Like with any personal conversation, you should start out GENTLY and then as you know each other you can gradually get into other things. For example, my current SO told me she had a 7-date rule upfront (7 dates before sex).
We were both new to the dating scene within the last year so we exchanged some notes about how that was going etc. We talked about being parents and both almost simultaneously expressed how we'd rather hang oursleves than go through babies again. (Which was where I mildly brought up that my late wife took me to the vet and had me *fixed* lol.)
After you actually HAVE sex, then that opens up more conversations, pillow-talk about things you like, dislike, want to try etc. I think it all depends on the people involved. I think you should DEFINITELY get full knowledge of a persons *history* if you are going to be exclusive and eventually go condom-less...that goes without saying.
I personally don't really like the "sex" talk at the very beginning, there is plenty of time for that. I would want to get to know them as a person,ie:likes, dislikes, and what makes them tick. Then I could better make an educated decision as to wheather I/we will be heading in that direction at all. If it is brought up too soon by the man, then yes, I would think that is all he wants. If a woman brings it up too soon I would think that the man would be thinking that she is too easy. Then again if both ppl are on the same page, they pretty much know it and they wont have to play the should I or should I not bring "it" up game.
How does that work usually? When two people meet each other & things are going swimmingly, & the man brings up sex (not in a conversation, just through his actions: e.g. being incredibly touchy-feely, wanting to "feel you up", or making sexual innuendoes (OK that is wordy)...or if the woman brings up sex (e.g. doing the same things as a man or just bringing it up in a conversation)...or what if a man/woman asks you how many partners you have been with or if you are sexually active? Is that too personal of a question, esp. if you are getting to know one another?
What I'm trying to ask is: is it good to bring sex up, esp. if you are getting serious so the other partner can know where you stand on the issue (no sex before marriage or or should it just happen naturally? I imagine it wouldn't be wise to bring it up in the early stages huh? Because then the other person will think that's all you were after? Right or wrong?
What I mean is, when you are in a relationship don't have sex until you are ready and whenever you feel the need to talk about sex; talk about it because it's your body!
Secondly whenever you ask a guy how many sex partners he has had ALWAYS assume that he is a liar and add at least 15 girls to his number! Furthermore, if you decide that you want to have sex with a guy before you do make him give blood at the red cross (free) or make him get an HIV test...
I don't mind the topic of sex, generically. I tend to avoid it as it would apply to me and my date. I believe that kind of talk sets unreasonable expectations; no two experiences and people are alike. I might play pinochle with one guy and have a cage match with another. It all depends on the company.
I am a firm believer in spontaneity, and don't feel the overwhelming need to discuss sex early on in a relationship. If it's going to happen, then let chemistry take it's course. Trying to drudge up a sexual history on your partner seems so cold and calculated, like your interviewing someone for a job. Besides, if there is something he doesn't want you to know, he'll either keep it hidden or lie about it until he gets what he wants. I don't want to know how many partners my SO has had and I sure as hell don't want to discuss my former relationships, there is nothing to be gained by it. Move forward and love the one your with so to speak. You will both know when the time is right. Couples have been figuring it out for centuries.
Are you talking about asking your guy about his attitudes about sex? I think this is perfectly reasonable. It's probably not exactly first (or second) date talk for many people, but a reasonable topic after a few dates and it look like things are headed toward the bedroom.
It's been my experience that as your friendship with the other person grows deeper you become more comfortable discussing personal and intimate things. I have gone by feeling; talking about what I feel comfortable with at the moment, being cautious at first so as to not be too aggressive.
Once you do the deed, I think then you can be fully open about sexual preferences, tastes, etc. OTOH, some people are pretty up front about those things before hopping in the sack. YMMV.
Bottom line: do what's comfortable for you. If you're ready to start talking and doing, then talk and do.
I think ppl should be upfront from the beginning.......I mean respectfully but upfront nonetheless. that way everybody knows what each other wants and can decide whether or not they are down with that plan. But that usually doesnt happen and somebody gets their feelings hurt
What I mean is, when you are in a relationship don't have sex until you are ready and whenever you feel the need to talk about sex; talk about it because it's your body!
Secondly whenever you ask a guy how many sex partners he has had ALWAYS assume that he is a liar and add at least 15 girls to his number! Furthermore, if you decide that you want to have sex with a guy before you do make him give blood at the red cross (free) or make him get an HIV test...
what good does assuming every man is a liar do? that instills the seed of doubt and distrust from the start.. not a good thing. for what it's worth, i haven't even been with HALF of 15 women, much less enough to assume i'm lying and add 15.
maybe YOU tell people 15 less than you really have.. but not all of us are liars. don't be so general.
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