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Old 04-15-2009, 11:16 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,538,456 times
Reputation: 9174

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I don't think we have to talk all the time to get along. I like the quiet, peaceful moments.
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 4,002,931 times
Reputation: 834
I don't think they're dumb questions- and I actually love a good conversation. But I think the type questions asked as an attempt to encourage more discussion is what annoys me, and in my mind I'm asking 'why would you aske me that when you know the answer?', and that is what I get stuck on.

From some of the responses, it seems like I'm not the only one. Thanks.
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 4,002,931 times
Reputation: 834
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I'm not one of those people who are uncomfortable with silence and will blurt out anything just to talk. At the same time, I do enjoy good conversation and don't have a problem initiating it.

However, in the eight years since I sold my biz and began working out of the house, I've found the lack of human contact during the day to affect me somewhat. So when my wife comes home from the office, I have to really restrain myself from talking all about my day and hers. She is in a high-stress job and usually needs a good 30 or 45 minutes to just decompress. It was very hard for me to learn to just leave her the heck alone while she gets the office out of her head.

Good stuff

I am in the same boat with work. I'm the one with the more stressful job, and most of the time, right after work, I do need some time to destress.

I don't want to be one of those dudes who just grunts at his wife, while she's talking, but I think in some respects, how you say something is just as impactful as what you are saying. If the question is closed ended, and I give you an answer, then I'm giving you what you want.

And it's not that I haven't tried. If she asks that type of question, ('When's the last time you worked out?') and I give her an answer, and I ask back the same question, and get the same answer, then what's the point?

Like CPG, I really think this is one of those things that we'll understand and adjust our approaches to each other, meaning it won't bother me as much as I spend more time with her, and she'll learn that to get something out of me she'll have to ask a better question. It's a learning experience, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one out there going through this. I guess I'm not.
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:49 PM
 
22,137 posts, read 19,195,499 times
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i don't see it as a gender thing, i see it as a "likes to be social" thing

in my experience, people who tend to be more extroverted, like to chat and are uncomfortable with silence in conversations; introverts tend to be more comfortable with silences

i love the silences

it takes a certain inner comfort level to be able to sit in the silence, either alone, or with someone else present.
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Old 04-15-2009, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 41,023,591 times
Reputation: 13472
I'm an extrovert and pretty gregarious/chatty, but if i don't know someone or I have nothing in common with them, I am perfectly fine not talking to them and having silence. I was at a nail salon a few days ago and I had never been there. While the people (different people for pedi and nails) were working on me, I was fine not talking to them, but occasionally they would ask me questions to make conversation. I wasn't rude, I just didn't know them and felt no need to engage in conversation with them.
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Old 04-15-2009, 02:56 PM
 
60 posts, read 128,710 times
Reputation: 54
It's not a gender thing. I'd get pretty darn annoyed if I'm asked a question in which the questionee undoubtedly already knows the answer. To me it shows that you are not making an earnest effort in the conversation. It's just a superficial way to fill the hiatus of silence. Quality matters more.
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Old 04-15-2009, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,254 posts, read 64,328,014 times
Reputation: 73926
I agree. That seemed like a dumb question. If she wanted to make conversation, how about initiating one about some interesting topic you haven't already discussed?

I also spend my whole day having nonstop conversations at work on the phone and in person. It is nice to come home and have a couple of minutes of peace and quiet. However, if someone is wanting to make conversation and it is interesting and stimulating, then have at it! I enjoy that a lot.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
23,206 posts, read 29,014,764 times
Reputation: 32586
Maybe having an pet or two around could help solve this problem, where one person enjoys golden silence and the other can't stand lulls in conversation.
She could talk to the animals instead. When I've been alone all day, on a day off, with no one to talk to, I go out to my garage and talk to my cars.
Or talk to myself or to my plants.

But I can't stand these people who feel compelled to just talk and talk for no other reason than to fill in space. I would never, ever get involved with someone like that, for I might end up facing assault or murder charges after awhile.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:58 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,357,203 times
Reputation: 591
I think you shouldnt really have to "make" conversation.....it should just come naturally...like when you actually have something to talk about. Asking questions you already have the answer to in my opinion is dumb because you already know the answer. There are plenty of ways to spark up a conversation....like talking about whats buggin you some much that you need to just talk about nothing or read the newspaper watch tv there are plenty of things to talk about and I wont be bothered filling up space with nothing just to not be quiet....Turn on the radio...do something other than buggin me....LOL
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