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This has to do with the level of interest I have in a guy, and essentially my fear of getting hurt (eek, hate admitting that)
I'm not saying that I AM easier to guys when I have less interest in them but that I FIND it easier to be more forward with them because since my interest level is low, I'm less invested and therefore the chances of me getting hurt are lower as well. In other words, it's like I have nothing to lose.
When I really like a guy, I have more at stake and my fear of getting used is exponentially higher. Therefore, I'm not as forward because I'm afraid that the guy might see me as a conquest and once he has conquered me, will move on to another girl and leave me hurt. I do tend to be a bit wary of guy's real intentions.
Yes, thanks for the clarification. Your point is very clear.
At the same time, I think it's valuable to see that there is a male perspective, and a female perspective, on this issue, and we can learn from seeing each others' side. You said you didn't see the connection between your situation, and the remarks from Killer and Professorsenator. From a male perspective, there is a connection, and I was just trying to help bridge that communication gap.
Their point may be clearer if you consider that we're using the word "jerk" as a metaphor for "guy who is not regarded as relationship material," and "nice guy" as a metaphor for "guy who is regarded as relationship material." Perhaps the choice of words was a mistake, but the point is still valid.
If there are many women who "keep things slow on the sexual front" with guys who are relationship material, and are "not as restrained" with guys who are not relationship material, then of course guys will feel an incentive to look like they are not relationship material. There are enough women who are easy with the latter, and not easy with the former, that guys notice. In your case, whether you are actually easy or not doesn't make much difference, guys will notice whether you are "keeping things slow" or "not as restrained." Guys tend to like "not as restrained."
As you seem concerned about whether the guy is looking for a conquest or a relationship with you, I'd guess that in either case, keeping things slow on the sexual front will make him lose interest (that is, if you're keeping things slower than what he wants). Speaking only for myself, the faster I get intimate with a girl, the better. If it's because she figured out quickly that she's attracted to me and likes me, all the better. If it's because she has a habit of doing guys quickly, well, then I guess I was a conquest for her. Either way, no hard feelings.
Do you see the connection now?
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001
Even though the OP seems like the only one to do this, (...)
I think the comments from Killer and Professorsenator were based on the observation that there are a lot of gals doing this. Regardless of what you think of Killer, he seems to make some good points that relate to a certain subculture (e.g., "socially active" guys/gals in their late teens and early twenties).
Yes, thanks for the clarification. Your point is very clear.
At the same time, I think it's valuable to see that there is a male perspective, and a female perspective, on this issue, and we can learn from seeing each others' side. You said you didn't see the connection between your situation, and the remarks from Killer and Professorsenator. From a male perspective, there is a connection, and I was just trying to help bridge that communication gap.
Their point may be clearer if you consider that we're using the word "jerk" as a metaphor for "guy who is not regarded as relationship material," and "nice guy" as a metaphor for "guy who is regarded as relationship material." Perhaps the choice of words was a mistake, but the point is still valid.
If there are many women who "keep things slow on the sexual front" with guys who are relationship material, and are "not as restrained" with guys who are not relationship material, then of course guys will feel an incentive to look like they are not relationship material. There are enough women who are easy with the latter, and not easy with the former, that guys notice. In your case, whether you are actually easy or not doesn't make much difference, guys will notice whether you are "keeping things slow" or "not as restrained." Guys tend to like "not as restrained."
As you seem concerned about whether the guy is looking for a conquest or a relationship with you, I'd guess that in either case, keeping things slow on the sexual front will make him lose interest (that is, if you're keeping things slower than what he wants). Speaking only for myself, the faster I get intimate with a girl, the better. If it's because she figured out quickly that she's attracted to me and likes me, all the better. If it's because she has a habit of doing guys quickly, well, then I guess I was a conquest for her. Either way, no hard feelings.
Do you see the connection now?
I think the comments from Killer and Professorsenator were based on the observation that there are a lot of gals doing this. Regardless of what you think of Killer, he seems to make some good points that relate to a certain subculture (e.g., "socially active" guys/gals in their late teens and early twenties).
I DO see the connection and am glad I finally do LOL!
It makes a lot of sense. Honestly, in my opinion, it seems like a big bunch of miscommunication on both parts because it's easy to take things for face value and hardly anyone is going to lay out on the table that "I'm scared of rushing things because I don't want you to use me."
Maybe this goes back to that ultimate fear of rejection from someone you like or maybe even the game of "who has the upper hand?"
No he was out maybe getting an STD. Why would you jump into bed with a guy you didn't like? Sex for sex sake---go buy a vibrator, they don't cause any trouble when you throw it away.
Thank you, because I just can't have sex with someone I didn't like. Personally, some or maybe all guys don't have respect for easy girls.
Maybe you should be asking, why are stereotypical "easy girls" easy? A lot of times, it is because sex is the only thing they have to offer, that means, beyond sex, they have no good selling points. So unless they cut to the chase, the guy will lose interest anyway. Having a guy be interested in you for a longer term means you have to be interesting (and be pleasant company), regardless of whether sex happens in the first 10 minutes of ever meeting, or if it takes longer.
Unfortunately, there's two problems. One, so many guys are desperate for any kind of sex, that they chase every opportunity until it's finally received, whether or not they're really interested in the woman long term. Then once they get it, there was already no interest in the girl as a "person" because she's uninteresting anyway, so the relationship dies. Two, so many girls are uninteresting, that it takes a long time to find something (anything!) about them that is interesting at all, hence they believe if they don't make men wait, the men will "never get to know the real me". Solution to both problems: women should learn to be more interesting (and pleasant to be around) from the very beginning, and not rely on sex as their only attractive quality.
Sure, sex will keep people interested, only for so long though, unless it's really, really good (and that's equally rare, usually some level of professional career is involved, :-D ).
Easy girls make me uneasy because I feel that because of their looks/behaviour,(generally easy girls are good looking) life is a beach for them, it seems that they are not to held to the same standards of responsibility by society as most of us "common folk" because their promiscuity make of them a hot commodity among men.
In a way they are privileged beings and that hurts my sense of fairness & justice.
I highly doubt physical beauty equates easy sex. Women's views on sex are related to how they were raised. Some rebel the puritan parental explanation and others embrace it.
I want a commitment, something long-term, something exclusive. I don't want to just **** and run. (I censored myself, not the website.)
I'm not interested in women that positively THROW themselves at me in a physical way...I like them to come and talk with me, get to know me, let me get to know them...but if I see them as somehow promiscuous, it raises concerns in my mind about their, um, sexual disease status, and their sense of morality.
Lots of guys are probably more forgiving than me--but I'm STD free, even if I haven't had as many partners are my male peers. (I would hope that my FEMALE peers *wouldn't* have double my number though).
Personally, some or maybe all guys don't have respect for easy girls.
To reiterate, in a small social group (say a small town where everyone knows everyone) its a "strategy" that you must get right. Put it this way: the first guy happy, the second wary, the third leary......you get the drift.
In the impersonal world of a large city, such an equation doesn't hold, so many men are looking for signs rather than relying on locker room talk.
I cannot imagine how, in today's world, in a big city, women will jump into bed with men they met (possibly online) for the first time. But "hey, I guess I'm just an old fogey" now. It seems like only yesterday I was thinking the same thing about those over 30.
What you say isn't very clear but perhaps you mean: "easy can be hard in the long term"?
But then hard can be really hard in the long term!
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because I feel that because of their looks/behaviour,(generally easy girls are good looking) life is a beach for them, it seems that they are not to held to the same standards of responsibility by society as most of us "common folk" because their promiscuity make of them a hot commodity among men
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