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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Is it just a hokey word to make people feel better about the end of a relationship or does it really happen? What if neither of you wants closure but you have no choice? How do you make yourself feel something you don't want to but you know you need? Ignore your feelings and passions?
I do admire some people who are seemingly able to just shrug it off and walk away. I can only imagine feeling like a shell if I were able to do that.
It absolutely does happen. Closure is basically acceptance, and it doesn't happen overnight when you suffer a loss. Everyone goes at their own pace. Walking away may seem easy on the surface, but some people are just not willing to fight for what is gone. If it's gone, there's no point.
I found in my experiences that often there was no perfect closure in all cases. As I got older not only did I accept that but also knew that when it didn't work out there were reasons for that and I should be attuned to those reasons and not block it out.
As a military brat moving around when young I guess I got used to people coming and going in my life, hence I don't panic when relationships end. There are always new people to meet.
The closure issue is something a lot of people struggle with but if I think they understood they were not going to live forever nor would they be completely healthy all their lifespan to be out getting the groove on they'd get over things much more quickly.
Back in 2003 there was one break up I had and it leveled me for months. I look back now at all the great women I passed up during that time and all the time I wasted worrying and thinking about bygones and I resolved I would never go that route again. That was a big chunk of my life I could have done a lot more with.
Not sure there is closure. Maybe for some...but when you care deeply. That does not mean that you don't go on and meet someone else and have a great life; to me it means that feelings don't close like a door shutting. More like a door slightly ajar. But that's OK.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,981,155 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
It absolutely does happen. Closure is basically acceptance, and it doesn't happen overnight when you suffer a loss. Everyone goes at their own pace. Walking away may seem easy on the surface, but some people are just not willing to fight for what is gone. If it's gone, there's no point.
Acceptance, I can go with that--if that's as close as I can get. I moved on right away. I rebounded, married, had two children, stayed married for umpteen years, became single for umpteen years--which I am enjoying btw, I like my freedom, privacy and solitude--but all the while, never forgot, never put it behind me completely. It never stopped me from dating or anything, but it never became a distant memory. Even my husband of 19 years was out of my system within two years, but this one, I think I'm going to have to live with the fact that there will never be any closure here. Acceptance, good word. I'll run with that.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,981,155 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo
I found in my experiences that often there was no perfect closure in all cases. As I got older not only did I accept that but also knew that when it didn't work out there were reasons for that and I should be attuned to those reasons and not block it out.
As a military brat moving around when young I guess I got used to people coming and going in my life, hence I don't panic when relationships end. There are always new people to meet.
The closure issue is something a lot of people struggle with but if I think they understood they were not going to live forever nor would they be completely healthy all their lifespan to be out getting the groove on they'd get over things much more quickly.
Back in 2003 there was one break up I had and it leveled me for months. I look back now at all the great women I passed up during that time and all the time I wasted worrying and thinking about bygones and I resolved I would never go that route again. That was a big chunk of my life I could have done a lot more with.
I swear my dad must've been from a band of gypsies, we moved at least once a year, sometimes twice--from Alaska to California and back again. He was a truck driver and it seemed he was never happy in one place. So we had to get used to moving all the time, changing schools, making new friends, etc. I know what you mean. There's only been one time in my life I can't seem to get closure. I thought we had gotten it the past two weeks but we're only fooling ourselves. But we had fun trying and it was definitely life-changing to discover the other still feels the same after all this time. That much I'm grateful for.
I swear my dad must've been from a band of gypsies, we moved at least once a year, sometimes twice--from Alaska to California and back again. He was a truck driver and it seemed he was never happy in one place. So we had to get used to moving all the time, changing schools, making new friends, etc. I know what you mean. There's only been one time in my life I can't seem to get closure. I thought we had gotten it the past two weeks but we're only fooling ourselves. But we had fun trying and it was definitely life-changing to discover the other still feels the same after all this time. That much I'm grateful for.
I remember one gal came back into my life suddenly 3 years after she left. Quite a shock to see her standing there. But it wasn't the same. Life had moved on, I had changed and evolved, it was a different ball game. She wasn't the same person, I wasn't the same person and there wasn't enough there to keep us together the first go around and there surely wasn't going to be anything on the second go round. Strangely enough another 3 years later she just popped up on my facebook today. But there are too many other women out there to explore and enjoy so if I ever see her again it will be strictly friendly and nothing more.
There is that old saying "you can't go home again" and it's true. I liken those old I haven't found closure feelings to going back to high school after you just graduated college. Imagine how weird that would feel? Same with relationships, it's just never going to be the same again.
I see a lot of people holding onto bygones and I don't think it's healthy. Those ties or bonds you had with that person were broken for one reason or many reasons and it's probably good to keep that in mind. I think I'd rather run with tomorrow than yesterday.
I think most people can sense when something is over, some just need the words. I can live without the words.
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