Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is a hot button. And it's very individualized. I think it boils down to whatever meshes with you and your partner. Unfortunately, I think many people neglect to address these issues prior to marriage because they can seem insensitive or shallow when love is first in bloom. There are a few books out there such as the "Hard questions to ask" before marriage, "1001 questions to ask"...that address this topic and so many other ones that are squeamish but can impact a marriage as the years progress. If you don't mind being heavy...your partner doesn't mind it...vice-versa, no problem... same for people who value fitness, wanting a fit partner. It has to be that compatible mindset and similar likes/dislikes, your priorities, what's important/not as important. There are some spouses who may not like their spouse's weight gain, but it's not a dealbreaker, other things about the person are more valuable. For others, it's a dealbreaker and if divorce is not an option, resentment builds and builds. Once resentment builds because of one aspect in the marriage, it will almost always infiltrate other areas.
Nothing is ever black and white. The two people in the relationship have to be simpatico about the issue.
While I understand you wanting to be fit, and you wanting to be with someone who is fit, I do not understand your nasty, condescending overall tone. There is NO excuse for that.
Other than a few folks, this whole thread seems nasty and cruel. There is NO excuse for that!
I love the curves on my wife, but I would love her just as much if they were gone. Wow, trying to comprehend the shallowness of some people who speak of divorcing their spouses because they gain a few pounds. I THANK GOD that my wife (who has gained and lost weight all our 32 years of marriage) doesn't feel that way about me or me about her. We took our vows of marriage for better or worse, sickness and health, till death do us part seriously. They mean something, not just empty words that fall on deaf ears. If my wife was in a wheelchair or burned and disfigured or stricken with some debilitating disease, she is still my wife and I will be there for her and I know she will be for me as well. I don't have to worry about something as superficial and petty as gaining 15lbs being the end of a 3-decade relationship. Some of those who have commented about self-respect, etc. seem to feel that it's derived strictly from the outward appearance. Well boys and girls I'm here to tell you that it goes deeper than some of you can apparently comprehend.
How did she turn her "young son" (he's 19, why isn't he at college taking care of HIMSELF) into her drug-runner -- because for her, clearly food is her drug, and she even admits it.
If she can't get out of the house to get her own food, NOBODY SHOULD BE BRINGING IT IN. She should be forced to go out and WALK. Walk to the store (hide the car keys). Carry her own grocery bags. Don't let her order out. Disconnect the house phone, son should use only his cell phone.
If you think that's cruel, consider that many of us thin people live like that anyway -- walk a lot, carry our own bags.
If anyone cares about this family, they need an intervention. Son needs to get out, the mom is dragging him down into her nasty ill pit.
Morbidly obese people like this are like any other addict, whether it's tobacco, alcohol, drugs or food. Just selfish, think the world should put up with their bad habits, and sucking up more resources than others.
Who do you think is going to pay for this woman's long-term health care? You and me, baby. And that extra-large wheelchair, diabetic amputations, and gigantic casket. Fat people, you're welcome. Have another cookie on us.
Wow, that is beyond words that "rude" and "horrible" don't cover.
Wow, that is beyond words that "rude" and "horrible" don't cover.
I expected somebody to say that. But how is it that people who have made bad lifestyle choices (you can't tell me that eating a mountain of cookies like the woman in the video isn't a lifestyle choice) over the course of years are allowed to control the conversation? By saying that other people who practice self-control, make good choices and sacrifice for long term and the good of all are "rude" and "horrible"?
What if I think that people who self-medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco over the course of years and then expect the rest of us to pay health-care costs for diabetes, heart disease, atherosclerosis, liver disease, COPD, lung cancer -- when these are the result of lifestyle decisions -- through Medicare and insurance premiums (from which we hardly ever draw), what if I say that that is "rude" and "horrible".
It's not about looks, Annie. It's about -- who is responsible if you get out of control? Evidently you think a spouse should bear that burden, no matter what the personal cost. And even if we are not married to that problem, society should bear it up so we don't "hurt the feelings" of Dunkin Donut-aholics.
I expected somebody to say that. But how is it that people who have made bad lifestyle choices (you can't tell me that eating a mountain of cookies like the woman in the video isn't a lifestyle choice) over the course of years are allowed to control the conversation? By saying that other people who practice self-control, make good choices and sacrifice for long term and the good of all are "rude" and "horrible"?
What if I think that people who self-medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco over the course of years and then expect the rest of us to pay health-care costs for diabetes, heart disease, atherosclerosis, liver disease, COPD, lung cancer -- when these are the result of lifestyle decisions -- through Medicare and insurance premiums (from which we hardly ever draw), what if I say that that is "rude" and "horrible".
It's not about looks, Annie. It's about -- who is responsible if you get out of control? Evidently you think a spouse should bear that burden, no matter what the personal cost. And even if we are not married to that problem, society should bear it up so we don't "hurt the feelings" of Dunkin Donut-aholics.
For better, for worse, in sickness and in health...blah blah blah.
I didn't get married in a church, so I didn't take that oath, but...
I knew the 'they cost more money' argument would come into play. If you also support cutting welfare programs like Medicare, Medicaid and section 8 housing then preach on, otherwise stop being a hypocrite. Would also have to nix social security.
Might as well ban football and hockey and skateboarding while we're at it. People choose to put themselves at a high risk of breaking a bone, and I don't want to cover that.
I expected somebody to say that. But how is it that people who have made bad lifestyle choices (you can't tell me that eating a mountain of cookies like the woman in the video isn't a lifestyle choice) over the course of years are allowed to control the conversation? By saying that other people who practice self-control, make good choices and sacrifice for long term and the good of all are "rude" and "horrible"?
What if I think that people who self-medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco over the course of years and then expect the rest of us to pay health-care costs for diabetes, heart disease, atherosclerosis, liver disease, COPD, lung cancer -- when these are the result of lifestyle decisions -- through Medicare and insurance premiums (from which we hardly ever draw), what if I say that that is "rude" and "horrible".
It's not about looks, Annie. It's about -- who is responsible if you get out of control? Evidently you think a spouse should bear that burden, no matter what the personal cost. And even if we are not married to that problem, society should bear it up so we don't "hurt the feelings" of Dunkin Donut-aholics.
So what you are telling us all is that because you are allegedly not overweight and allegedly fit and not "out of control," you can make snarky, rude and self-important statements about people you do not even know?
So what would you do to these people? Kill them to save you money?
Are you a paragon of citizenship? Have you always made impeccable, perfect lifestyle choices? Is the world a better place simply because you exist within it? Is what you do on a daily basis done altruistically for the good of all?
So what you are telling us all is that because you are allegedly not overweight and allegedly fit and not "out of control," you can make snarky, rude and self-important statements about people you do not even know?
So what would you do to these people? Kill them to save you money?
Are you a paragon of citizenship? Have you always made impeccable, perfect lifestyle choices? Is the world a better place simply because you exist within it? Is what you do on a daily basis done altruistically for the good of all?
Where are the skeletons in your closet?
That's fair. I'm kind of a fan of 'tough love', (see below about "The Biggest Loser"). I have plenty of issues, like everyone. Feel free to come up with a list of whatever disagreeable traits I or anyone else might have.
What I don't think is fair is the type of 'thought control' practiced by people who shut down the conversation whenever you bring up the societal costs of their personal choices, such as smoking, or over-eating. Time to own up to the responsibility we all have in this country and on this planet to each other. If you think of yourself as an "island unto yourself" should you complain if anyone calls you selfish? Who else exactly are you thinking of if you are consuming an extra-large pizza every night? (unless you own stock in Domino's).
So yeah, "The Biggest Loser", it's a great show. I don't sit there and watch it in Schadenfreude mode. I really get into their struggles, and admire them so much for working so hard to try to take their lives back. But I have to wonder -- where were their families when they ballooned up to 400 lbs? Who put that piece of cake in Arthur's hand when he weighed over 500 flippin' pounds? Might as well have given cocaine to a drug user. You hear every single contestant say -- "I CAN'T DO THIS AT HOME". Why can't they do this at home? Because someone in their home is an enabler, and helping them kill themselves with a knife and fork.
What if a loving spouse, instead of serving up the double Alfredo sauce, said "Honey, I love you, but I can't have sex with you, because it's like being in an elevator with 4 Michelin men and I can't find the door." Intimacy with your spouse has to matter enough to you to put it front and center.
I just think it's a crying shame.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
