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I believe this is directed at me. My husband always thinks I look good. I always try to dresss nice for him and look my best - however - he thinks I look just as beautiful first thing in the morning with no makeup and my hair a mess. How do I know? He tells me this all the time. As for looking good for a job - I was DANCING AND SINGING ON STAGE IN A BIKINI! I'm a performer. I'm not talking about trying to look good to sit in an office all day. I've never been a size 12. I've never even been a size 10. When I had to dance in a bikini - I went from a 4 or 6 to a 2 or 4. I had to do this in order to feel comfortable onstage. Towards the end of the show - my husband actually told me not to keep working out too hard because he didn't want me to get too muscular or bony.
I always try to look good for my husband. However, since he always thinks I look good no matter what - it's not something that I have to let rule my life. I feel bad for those that feel that they are under constant pressure to keep their spouse loving them. I know my husband loves me completely. It's a wonderful feeling and I would hope that every person gets to
experience this.
Good grief. You people are ridiculous.
Dewdrop,
No, it wasn't directed at you at all. Save them two paragraphs and ask next time. When I go after you, you will know it.
I think its pretty clear that this does apply frequently elsewhere. These fall under such categories as the end of romance and relationship weight.
If you don't like fit people - then stay away from them. It's really that simple. If you get married and your spouse doesn't gain the usual few pounds - by all means, it's a direct insult to you and you should divorce them ASAP. Lack of changes in someone's physique is certainly a direct sign that they no longer care about their marriage - it couldn't possibly mean anything else. You should by no means stick around to see what the real problem is - dump their fit butt and move on to someone thicker.
Works both ways! How about that? Amazing!
No, it doesn't. Good grief!!! I am fit. If my husband's body never changed - I would love him. If his body did change - I would love him. This isn't an either or thing - as you for some reason are trying to make it out to be. I don't know why you are doing that since it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. The point isn't that I want anyone to gain weight, lose weight, or stay the same - the point is that I love my husband no matter what. If he became obese - which doesn't happen overnight by the way - we would work through it together. We would figure out what was going on with him that caused him to change so drastically. I married my husband for better or for worse, for thick or think, in sickness and in health. My vows mean something to me. My husband makes me laugh. He holds me when I cry. I learn from him and he learns from me. He makes me happy. I love him for who he is - not just what he looks like.
Your post is ridiculous. I'm not saying that people need to gain weight in order to prove their love. I'm saying true love doesn't depend on someone's waist size. What is so hard to understand about this?
Yes. People always look like they want to cry when they see a "proper portion".
That goes for anyone of any weight that I ever had to explain my intake to.
I couldn't imagine eating three meals of that size every day. I've seen what entails a proper portion, and it would be too much for me, if I ever ate anything close to a normal meal...or multiple meals.
I eat a single meal a day, and it might be an entire pound of ground beef--but without any sides. I might eat a whole can of peas another day, but I won't have meat or anything else with it.
Gaining weight doesn't make a person automatically unattractive. Having a fit body doesn't automatically make a person attractive.
A person that you might find "hot" at first sight (perfect body, nice smile, incredible eyes) might have a personality that just grates on your last nerve - nice to look at but WOW what a pain to deal with. You might stay with them for a little while because of their looks but you will eventually move on to someone who is a whole lot easier and fun to be around.
And when you do eventually find the right person - you'll find that you'll want to stay with them even if they do put on some extra pounds over the years.
Your post is ridiculous. I'm not saying that people need to gain weight in order to prove their love. I'm saying true love doesn't depend on someone's waist size. What is so hard to understand about this?
Of course it's ridiculous - I was just indulging in a little fun. And I agree that love doesn't depend on waist size. Sometimes, however, attraction does.
You have given this forum a tremendous service to have an objective view of this culture, but I am out of reps for you. There are great strengths to it, and I am sure you can appreciate them given how you were impacted by aspects of your own culture. Yet, our wealth serves to isolate and create fear.
Another example: Many people fear not having enough for retirement. Who had fear of no place to live in college? You just had roommates. If 4 people shared a residence, would this be a problem(do I need life alert?) Is it a money problem or an isolation problem? I tell you, I can only take so much of observing people being destroyed by this process. It is why I have, and will continue to limit my time here. Though this thread seems to have become a bit more than the usual boring trifle. The US the great mound, but many of us must become termites within it. How does an individual operate within it? This is another example of thinking outside all these assumptions.
Now as to the rest of the world, keep in mind the state of their civilizations has still outpaced their metabolisms as well, just less so. Its only normal as defined by number. What happened to me?
So here is another view that is heavily influenced by hunter gather existence. Yes, I still do eat from cultivation, but I also tend to follow this pattern. Still, a large amount of my diet comes from wild food.
I am between 5' 10" and 5' 11"
At age 25: 185lbs
At age 30: 205lbs
Why that's just natural aging right?
At 43 : 190 lbs
Last summer : 185lbs
I will likely be again because my activity goes up as well as my diet changing seasonally since what is available in season is leafy greens and shoots as opposed to higher calorie roots, nuts etc. I don't recall wild animals gaining weight after adulthood.
The down side for many I suppose would be the work involved, but not how it tastes. Even with cultivated food like peas, many people would push away a bag of chips for fresh peas. When picked and prepared right, "weeds" are gobbled up by children.
That is how we are supposed to live, and the further one gets away from the fuel that drives them, normal socialization, activity levels, energy levels, and appearances, the more their life deteriorates.
I don't expect people to do exactly the same, but walking to a fresh market and eating things in seasons is a fine substitute.
Lastly, I have nothing but contempt for this idea of take as-is-ism with spousal relations. One poster remarks looking good for a job, but not for a spouse(don't you feel special). Its not about going from a size 6 to a 12 but rather going from a 12 to a 6 when dumping a spouse and dating again. Talk about isolation, you cannot even negotiate a mutual exchange with a spouse anymore. All other animals compete for mates, but not us because as-ism works so very well us.
In my culture, the men usually stay somewhat trim, and the wives continue to gain weight over the years. In some cases men get fatter. Yet the marriages are solid like a rock. My Dad was a slim man till his death. My mom's weight fluctuated all the time and after she entered her 30s, I can tell from the pictures she was getting more overweight. Yet I don't think my Dad ever had a problem. They were happy. So were other families.
That spouse weight is an issue is unheard of, and I learned that it can be a problem only after coming to America
I even heard my priest in the catholic Sunday mass sermon who once screamed out loud that even catholic people are becoming "shallow", that the counseling he gives every week, the most common complaint is - "my spouse gained weight and I am not attracted to him/her anymore"
If weight can break a marriage, then it's something grave in this country in terms of the importance men and women give to weight gain in this cultural sphere. Therefore marriages will continue to fail coz I don't see mindset changing
Of course it's ridiculous - I was just indulging in a little fun. And I agree that love doesn't depend on waist size. Sometimes, however, attraction does.
Fun! Who said you could have fun on C-D!!!
I agree that initial attraction can depend on waist size - but I think once you get past that - love is so much deeper than in the end, waist size doesn't really matter that much! Perhaps I'm unusual - I've dated skinny guys, fat guys, normal guys, tall guys, short guys, etc. - looks really don't make much of a difference to me. I'm really hard on myself but not on others. However, a sense of humor is an absolute must!!! Now - if this were a thread about your spouse losing their sense of humor - I might have a different opinion!
That spouse weight is an issue is unheard of, and I learned that it can be a problem only after coming to America
If weight can break a marriage, then it's something grave in this country in terms of the importance men and women give to weight gain in this cultural sphere. Therefore marriages will continue to fail coz I don't see mindset changing
I really liked your post, for some reason I couldn't rep it. Look, I believe physical attraction is an important element in a marriage along with good grooming and positive habits. You hit the nail on the head here in terms of our culture. We're a society that views people as disposable and very obsessed with the value of physical beauty in general, thanks to the unrealistic images and demands the media shoves down our throats.
I've also noticed that other cultures do not place the same emphasis on the physical demands of a spouse that our culture seems to. I just spent a few months in France, and took notice of many things. While strolling around Paris for instance, it seemed to my observation (anyway) that the ratio of older, distinguished, "monied" men (say mid-late 60's) seen romantically linked with an age-appropriate stylish woman was higher than I've noticed in NYC. I've noticed more May/December pairings in NYC. I know it's all preference - whatever floats your boat is fine - but it does say something to how youth and beauty (or that lack thereof) is perceived and valued for its sake alone.
Other cultures also seem to value their older generations more than we do. In many cultures, the elderly represent wisdom and experience and are revered as a valuable spoke in the wheel. Not us. Just ask any intelligent, accomplished 50+ unemployed person pounding the pavements these days. Ageism is alive and kicking.
I liked your post though... unfortunately I don't see the mindset changing much either.
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