Numb, floored, sick, and discusted with soon to be ex

[temptation001]

First of all, your husband is not gay, he's bisexual.

Second of all, if he was molested as a child, then he has a higher percentage of becoming a molester himself.

I don't think he would abuse his own child, unless he is a total pig. I would suggest that he not be left alone too long with children, just to be on the safe side. He probably knows better, but boys who were abused sometimes end up as adults thinking that its not so bad to do such a thing.
If he is a good father, he wouldn't want to harm his own child. Is he a good father?

Taking the child away just like that would be too hurtful to him if he loves the child. I suggest you and him discuss how much he can handle being with young children. Hopefully he will be honest and you can come to a good resolution.

Good luck.

[Connecticut Pam]

Originally Posted by l.wilson

So, my divorce is almost over from a 24 year marriage. I have recently discovered that my ex is engaging in some "same sex " activities with strangers he has met on line. I never ever thought him to be gay while we were married. I have an 8yr. old little boy with whom he has 3 days out of the week. Should I be afraid for him! Through this whole seperation I have kept the mentality that I love my little boy way more than I hate my ex and want him to have a father in his life. I just feel so confused and honestly can't believe the words that I am writing. Should I tell my ex that I know? I really don't think my son is in danger, but I feel like my emotions and thought are a bit paralized right now. He is free to do as he pleases because we are weeks away from our divorce being final, but MAN!!!!!

The misconception with gay men is that they "like" little boys as well as men...not true. There are straight men who hurt kids far more than gay men who do. You do have to speak with your ex about what you have learned concerning his gay lifestyle..get it out in the open and express your fears to him. I am sure he will clear the air for you. At some point, your ex will also have to discuss his lifestyle with your son...not at such a young age though, when he gets older. If in the meantime your son does ask you questions then please discuss this also with your ex and figure out a way to tell him what is happening. Your exes preference for men as opposed to women could very well have contributed towards the strife in your marriage...not talking about it prior to actually finding out was more harmful than had it been out in the open and you had decided to divorce amicably. It may not be the way any of us choose to live our lives, but yes, he is now free to do what he wants and I don't feel that this includes harming your child. Please, talk to him about how you are feeling. Good luck.

[andreaspercheron]

Let me ask you this, when you were married, was your husband a good father the entire time? If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to be concerned over. There is no law that states he can't date again. You may not like or agree with his preference of gender but if he was always a good father, chances are that will not change.
Unless your son is coming home with strange stories that give you pause and reason for concern, this one you just kind of have to deal with. Divorce is painful on many levels and I'm sure this being on your mind is a huge slap in the face but again, you can't let that affect your sons relationship with his father.

[J double R]

The facts:

He is/has homosexual(tendencies).
He has a drinking problem (and there is no proof, at least in your posts, that he drinks around the minor child.)

The assumption: That he might be exposing your minor child to the lifestyle that he lives. (I don't see any proof of this, nor is it something you should be concerned with, since as far as you know, it isn't happening..
______

If you don't really think your son is in danger, he's probably not, and you're better off not asking a bunch of people on the internet (how do you know who we are, any better than the people your husband talks to? )

It IS unfortunate that your daughter found out that way, but she has nobody to thank but herself, because she snooped. At 20, she's a legal adult, and there is no excuse for that. AT all. That said.. If your ex didn't tell you, it's really none of your business what his sexual orientation is, nor his activities, unless you have PROOF that he is causing detriment to your minor child with them (which to this point, you haven't posted any).

It seems to me that you(and unfortunately, some of the seemingly prejudiced posters in this thread) are more concerned about his activities because of their "same sex" nature, rather than because of his promiscuity. Had he been sleeping with women, would you be nearly as concerned? I'll answer that one for you.. Yes, but not nearly as much.

A few posters also mentioned the fact that your minor child probably shouldn't find out about this right away.. I agree, but that's something else I didn't see you post that he intended on doing, and that's another thing I think you should leave alone. If he's competent as a parent enough to keep him 3 days a week, he's competent enough to decide when the right time to tell his son - whether you agree with that time or not.

Feel free to discuss your feelings with your ex... WHEN you find out in a non-intrusive manner (ie. him telling you, not someone snooping on him), or WHEN you determine that there is actual danger with your minor child involved.. Until then, your best course of action is to mind your own business.

Oh.. and if you're not a churchgoer, use careful discretion in following the advice posted above to find one.. many churches are 100% intolerant of homosexuality, and you might find yourself being urged to remove your son completely from his father's life, purely to satisfy a religious agenda, without any true consideration to your son or his father.. I can't say ALL churches are like that, but a good amount will be.