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My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
you cant let him push you around tell him to look for another job and at least try to pay his bills. and work towards paying his own bills tell him until you can do that then your not living here. tell him to leave or you will consult your lawyer. sometimes you cant be nice other wise he may step all over you
My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
My head exploded about 1/2 way into this. I could say so much, but it would do no good, so I shall refrain.
You have to do what is best for the children. Is he a good father. Does he love them? Removing your children's father from their day to day lives will not only make you the eternal bad guy, but will damage them emotionally. They will be so upset with YOU that they will do everything in their power to turn out exactly like him. To get back at you.
Obviously, when you got married something changed dramatically. What happened between you that made him suddenly want to opt out of life? I am guessing that he came from an environment as a child where he was constantly treated as though he did not matter by a mother who did not love him and criticized him for never doing anything good enough or right. His reaction to this was to stop trying and give up.
I am suspecting that once you got married in his mind, you suddenly turned into his mother, and he came to the painful realization that nothing he was going to do was really going to matter or make you happy. You lived with this man for 10 years, produced two children with him, and yet expected him to change who he was. This was unfair and unrealistic. Now there are two small lives whose future hangs in the balance.
These complaints all have the same common thread. They want the guy to leave. Its also obvious but unwritten that they would really like to milk him for whatever they can get to punish him for being a jerk. This is the standard feminist inspired view of relationhips - everythng must be entirely to the benefit of women. Well, its time that women started to take the responsibility that men are always expected to take.
If its so irritating to continue to live together, why don't women leave? "Oh, that would be an inconvenience, or worse!" Well, what do you think it will be for him? Probably worse since in most of these situations, the woman is the prime bread winner. Otherwise, she'd be less interested in a split.
So if you really want a clean break, make the move yourself and kwityerbitchin'!
I feel for you, I am in a same kind of situtation, well he does not drink he is just a very big jerk who does not care about me or our marriage just himself and his daughter. I am paying for everything except his child support which he pays with his unemployment check.
I need to know how to get rid of him, he has no means to move out, he uses other women to pay for things for him and I just want him gone, but then there is the step daughter.
If you really want help with this issue, you should start your own thread. You latched onto a 2 year old thread which had died and received a no-attendance funeral.
It's not legal and there may be repercusions but you can always use the tried and true method of dumping his crap on the lawn and changing the locks. Since he is paying child support, I assume his daughter does not live with you. If the insurance is in your name, tell him you are taking his car off it. If you have any CC in both names, have your name removed. A divorce does not automatically absolve you of credit card debt - and you may be held liable for the entire bill if he runs it up and does not pay.
^^^^^O.k. when you talk about having him dead that worries me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
My head exploded about 1/2 way into this. I could say so much, but it would do no good, so I shall refrain.
You have to do what is best for the children. Is he a good father. Does he love them? Removing your children's father from their day to day lives will not only make you the eternal bad guy, but will damage them emotionally. They will be so upset with YOU that they will do everything in their power to turn out exactly like him. To get back at you.
Obviously, when you got married something changed dramatically. What happened between you that made him suddenly want to opt out of life? I am guessing that he came from an environment as a child where he was constantly treated as though he did not matter by a mother who did not love him and criticized him for never doing anything good enough or right. His reaction to this was to stop trying and give up.
I am suspecting that once you got married in his mind, you suddenly turned into his mother, and he came to the painful realization that nothing he was going to do was really going to matter or make you happy. You lived with this man for 10 years, produced two children with him, and yet expected him to change who he was. This was unfair and unrealistic. Now there are two small lives whose future hangs in the balance.
Capt Dan's suggestion of a .357 magnum is very good and I also think a shotgun would make quite an impression. I suspect he'd hop up and head for the door with his tail between his legs within seconds.
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This was from April 09. How did it turn out? Anyone know?
