Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And last what is interesting to me about the above comments from the OP is that it is a perfect example of why not to mix sex with work. The relationship never happened and yet Coco is already wound up over why he didn't throw himself at her. Now you've got all these feelings happening and hey we've got work to do here!
And finally before I shut my yap, one needs to learn the difference between "witty banter" and flirting.
My feelings were never mixed up to the point that It took my concentration off of work...The feelings come and went...I know how to see the obvious, learn and move on...I can Guarantee you this though...This was my 1st and my last time approaching a man to let him know that I was interested. I'm a firm believer that If a guy is interested he will approach you...now I can add "If you are interested in him, wait until he approaches you then you will know that the feelings are mutual
I never once took his kindness and witty banter as a way of flirting, that was just one of his characteristics that made his personality stand out more than others...
This was my 1st and my last time approaching a man to let him know that I was interested.
There is nothing wrong with approaching another man in the future if you are interested, It's just that it seems to some of us that those secret admirer love notes came on a little too strong. It's fine to let a guy know that you like him, but perhaps not too wise to let him know that it's a crush.
You liked the witty banter with him and instead of the secret notes, a better tactic would have been to start by trying to eat lunch or take your breaks at the same time and together. And that gives you a chance to turn the witty banter into conversations of more substance. Having these relaxed conversations allows you both to find out what interests and passions you have in common.
Otherwise, by sending him the secret admirer notes, it did put him on the spot to have to decide right away how much he liked you. And when pressured like that, most people are going to say no.
It's like when I sold cars. If someone comes into a dealership, they probably are at least thinking about buying a new car. If I ask them right away at the front door if I can help them or if they are buying a car today, they are going to probably give me a quick no and ask to be left alone to browse, and that shuts down the whole conversational exchange. So the trick is to never ask a potential customer (or love interest) any direct question that they can answer no to. What you want to do is be vague and positive at the same time. And the more time you can talk to them in a relaxed way, the more rapport you build with them. Then, when it comes time that they feel like buying a car (or dating), they will think of wanting to be with the person that was most pleasant and who they got along best with and most trusted.
My feelings were never mixed up to the point that It took my concentration off of work...The feelings come and went...I know how to see the obvious, learn and move on...I can Guarantee you this though...This was my 1st and my last time approaching a man to let him know that I was interested. I'm a firm believer that If a guy is interested he will approach you...now I can add "If you are interested in him, wait until he approaches you then you will know that the feelings are mutual
I never once took his kindness and witty banter as a way of flirting, that was just one of his characteristics that made his personality stand out more than others...
Now you are throwing the toys out of the pram and having a little tantrum.
There are two dynamics going on you should understand.
One, it's a work situation. With all the sexual harassment laws and awareness among other issues involving work distractions and hurt feelings, many people are loathe to get involved at work. You say you don't have hurt feelings but you have stormed off now declaring you will never show interest in a man again.
As a sidebar, I can't tell you how many times people say their romantic relationships at work will not affect any one or anybody but they almost always do.
Two, no one likes to be put on the spot. When I was younger and dumber, at some point I would want to know if a gal was interested or not so I put em on the spot. Got a no every time. I've talked to other people that made the same mistake and they got the same no. I've said no to women that put me on the spot. So it's not a strategy that works. For whatever reason our instincts kick in when we are cornered and you will almost always get a no.
What works better is going with the flow. I imagine it as a little dance back and forth between two people. I had to learn to be successful in hooking up with women that I had to put the military strategy away and stop being so driven and pressurized about it.
If you adopt the strategy of waiting for us men to show all the interest then you'll be sitting alone for a long time. It goes both ways. I'm slightly older than you and I don't waste time. If there is no interest going back and forth I find someone else. I'm not doing all the work and I suspect most men in our age group have reached a similar conclusion.
You liked the witty banter with him and instead of the secret notes, a better tactic would have been to start by trying to eat lunch or take your breaks at the same time and together. And that gives you a chance to turn the witty banter into conversations of more substance. Having these relaxed conversations allows you both to find out what interests and passions you have in common.
Hello everyone I would like to say thank you for the great criticism and encouragement...a week after my last post it was revealed that he has his eyes and other things set on another co worker and it wasnt me!!....no hard feelings though..Im really glad my crush stayed just what it was...a crush...this special woman that he has taken interest into is married..has been for quite sometime. I know this may sound harsh but Im glad...on my behalf because there is no way that I can involve myself with a man that doesnt has his values and morals intact and feel that it is ok to entertain a married woman.. thanks again my city data friend
See! Everything worked out after all. Thank your lucky stars. When things don't go the way I like (especially when it comes to getting to know someone) I don't get too wound up over it anymore because it may be a blessing in disguise.
Awww I think it was really sweet, the notes. Nothing high schoolish about it.
Agreed - more like junior high.
What's wrong with just approaching him and striking up a conversation - like most adults. The poster above has it right about the sexual harassment angle. He could be seeing a lawyer friend at this time for some casual advice.
Guys can't win in these things and if they are smart, they keep up their guard.
Im a single 30yr old mother. I have a good job, nice home and car. Ive been single for 4 years now, I have always been in long term relationships and so desire to one day be proud to say that I am such and such wife. I consider myself average looking and I dress nice....ok here is the problem. There is a single man at my job who is as sweet and nice as I am and also has a witty personality....major pts!!! I left him secret admirer notes over time and finally revealed myself...all he said over and over was "I can not believe that you are feeling me.I had no idea"..he smiled, he hugged me and he smiled. he then keep smiling and I said whats the verdict a number or something, he said oh yeah and proceeded to give me his number..I give him a call and left a msg. the next day at work he said he hadnt gotten the msg. He then asked me again...are you serious? I didnt think that you would be into me like that...he then stated that he never dated anyone that he has worked with, I stated neither has I...and thats where it ended no phone call, just a casual hello...
"He's just not, that into you.." Move on sister. Try meeting men outside of your workplace.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Last Update
