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How do I proceed? My husband and I are about to divorce, because he wants it, not me, but I'm tired of begging him to change his mind. I'm not the love of his life anymore. We have 2 children. We relocated to a new state 2 years ago for his career. I'm a SAHM without a college degree. My entire family lives 800 miles away. That's where I want to be if I'm not here with him. But he doesn't want me anymore. The state we now live is very pro-parent, which means, at his request, something can be filed banning me from moving outside of 100 (may be 150) mile radius. He fully intends to file this. And according to the attorney I consulted, it's impossible to fight. He wants access to his children, this I understand. My problem, I only moved to this state for him. I have no friends, other than those through his work, none that I am close to at all, so there's no help there. I have no family near by. I haven't worked in over 7 years because I've been home with our children. There is no spousal support because we've been married less than 9 years. He fully intents to give me the maximum for child support, but how am I supposed to find a job and a place to live (there's no way I can keep this house we live in) to support my children? I don't want to live in a rat-trap, but what kind of job will I find that I don't end up on welfare? And, I will be completely alone, except for my children, whom I love dearly. How do I do this? How do I work my butt off to provide for them and still give them the same quality of life they have now? How do I give up everything I've worked so hard for, how do I give up the man I've built my life around?
How do I proceed? My husband and I are about to divorce, because he wants it, not me, but I'm tired of begging him to change his mind. I'm not the love of his life anymore. We have 2 children. We relocated to a new state 2 years ago for his career. I'm a SAHM without a college degree. My entire family lives 800 miles away. That's where I want to be if I'm not here with him. But he doesn't want me anymore. The state we now live is very pro-parent, which means, at his request, something can be filed banning me from moving outside of 100 (may be 150) mile radius. He fully intends to file this. And according to the attorney I consulted, it's impossible to fight. He wants access to his children, this I understand. My problem, I only moved to this state for him. I have no friends, other than those through his work, none that I am close to at all, so there's no help there. I have no family near by. I haven't worked in over 7 years because I've been home with our children. There is no spousal support because we've been married less than 9 years. He fully intents to give me the maximum for child support, but how am I supposed to find a job and a place to live (there's no way I can keep this house we live in) to support my children? I don't want to live in a rat-trap, but what kind of job will I find that I don't end up on welfare? And, I will be completely alone, except for my children, whom I love dearly. How do I do this? How do I work my butt off to provide for them and still give them the same quality of life they have now? How do I give up everything I've worked so hard for, how do I give up the man I've built my life around?
I'm so sorry...
Well, if he tries to prevent you from moving, I'd offer him a full custody. I'm not suggesting for you to really do it, but just bluff and see what his reaction is. This is such an unfair extortion it makes my blood boil!
If he wants out, then he needs to compromise.
He has to know your situation, and realize that you would not stay living where you are, if you two were to divorce. If he does, then he`s an inconsiderate butt.
It is set up in our divorce papers as well, that neither one of us can move out of a 100 mile radius, unless we have permission from the other to do so. He has no family here either, and if he told me that he wanted to move back home, I would accept gladly. Its not like he pays his child support anyway. My advice would be to try to sit down with him and discuss this like adults. Tell him how you feel. Just because you choose to move back to your family, does not necessarily mean that he gets full custody of the kids.
How do I proceed? My husband and I are about to divorce, because he wants it, not me, but I'm tired of begging him to change his mind. I'm not the love of his life anymore. We have 2 children. We relocated to a new state 2 years ago for his career. I'm a SAHM without a college degree. My entire family lives 800 miles away. That's where I want to be if I'm not here with him. But he doesn't want me anymore. The state we now live is very pro-parent, which means, at his request, something can be filed banning me from moving outside of 100 (may be 150) mile radius. He fully intends to file this. And according to the attorney I consulted, it's impossible to fight. He wants access to his children, this I understand. My problem, I only moved to this state for him. I have no friends, other than those through his work, none that I am close to at all, so there's no help there. I have no family near by. I haven't worked in over 7 years because I've been home with our children. There is no spousal support because we've been married less than 9 years. He fully intents to give me the maximum for child support, but how am I supposed to find a job and a place to live (there's no way I can keep this house we live in) to support my children? I don't want to live in a rat-trap, but what kind of job will I find that I don't end up on welfare? And, I will be completely alone, except for my children, whom I love dearly. How do I do this? How do I work my butt off to provide for them and still give them the same quality of life they have now? How do I give up everything I've worked so hard for, how do I give up the man I've built my life around?
I'm sure your lawyer has advised you better than we can already...but, I don't think I'd agree to the divorce if I were you for at least two more years so you can get that spousal support. Or are you in a state where he can divorce you even if you don't participate??
But seriously, I'm sorry about the situation you are in. You have to get a lawyer and fight this guy. Like Yanks said, he'll have to compromise. I don't know that a court is going to make you and your kids live on the streets. He may be ordered to pay a lot more money than he was expecting.
No spousal support for a SAHM??? I've never heard of such a thing. Are you certain about this? Your situation is EXACTLY what spousal support was created for.
I totally understand a father wanting to be near his children. But he is the one wanting the split - and if he wants to restrict your movements, then it seems to me he needs to ante up for the privilege. I don't have any legal expertise at all, but I think you need a better lawyer. Good luck, and hang in there.
No spousal support for a SAHM??? I've never heard of such a thing. Are you certain about this? Your situation is EXACTLY what spousal support was created for.
I totally understand a father wanting to be near his children. But he is the one wanting the split - and if he wants to restrict your movements, then it seems to me he needs to ante up for the privilege. I don't have any legal expertise at all, but I think you need a better lawyer. Good luck, and hang in there.
This is correct ChessieMom - in some states you have to have been married 9 years minimum to get spousal support.
Also, another thing to take into consideration...you have to have been married a minimum of 10 years to get any of his social security later down the line. This may not be something you think is important right now, but later down the line it could be very important to you because he will likely always make much more money than you do and you would get a bigger social security amount from him.
I say if you can delay the divorce it is in your best interest to do so for at least 3 years. Maybe he would want out so badly he'd offer you a deal - more support and a new car, that kind of thing, to get you to let him divorce sooner. I really hope you are in a state where he can't just divorce you without your participation.
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