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Here's the story.... over the past year, and especially over the past few months, I've become really good friends with this girl. And we've both kind of had a crush on each other for a while now, but in the past week with prom and all that, it's developed into much more. We both really like each other, and we're both on the same page as far as dating goes. Sounds like an easy situation to deal with, right?
Wrong.
My family is moving to Colorado in June, and I'm going to UMinn in the fall. The problem is, we live in Florida right now, and she's going to college here in town. So I'll be in Minnesota, my family will be in Colorado, and she'll be in Florida.... which makes it really difficult to visit during breaks. So here's my question, do you think a long distance relationship like this could work? I've seen it happen work, but usually the people in that relationship had been dating for a while, and we haven't. But still, I'd be willing to try and work with that kind of relationship. It would be hard with the distance and everything, but I think we're both mature enough to handle it. I know there are more girls out there, but I don't want this opportunity to slip away either because I really do like her. I mean, I normally wouldn't say this about anyone at this stage, but she's the kind of person I could see myself marrying. But who knows.....
What about staying in touch and both trying to transfer to the same college in a year? Is there a reason why you didn't apply to the FL college that she's going to?
You're going to college. You are better off going separate ways. When you are at college you will meet many different people and be able to find new interests. Having someone long distance will only tie you down. This is typical advice. Some mom's I know, gave this same advice to my friends when we entered college, and it was good advice.
"she's the kind of person I could see myself marrying" - how do you know. You don't have enough experience to hold such an opinion. After you've had 10 or 20 girlfriends, then you can make such an educated statement. Go to college, get some girlfriends, then come back in the summers to see her. Nearly guaranteed, you won't be as interested in her, if you had some other girlfriends at college. If you still are interested after that, then great, it was good fortune to meet each other.
It's very difficult to do the long-distance thing in college. You meet so many other beautiful, young, free and single people, all with open attitudes towards sex and partying. Stay friends with her and date other people. Maybe one day things will change.
Go seperate ways. There is no relationship at all. How the hell can you have a relationship by just chatting over the internet or talking on the phone? You can't. To have a relationship you need to be able to kiss, hug, hold hands and have sex. If you don't do that then you are just friends that is it and nothing more!
What about staying in touch and both trying to transfer to the same college in a year? Is there a reason why you didn't apply to the FL college that she's going to?
I did apply to Florida State (not where she's going, but only about 3 hours away). However, they didn't really offer what I was looking for academically. And my parents weren't so big on the idea either because it's too far away. We have relatives in S. Dakota, so UMinn isn't as big of a deal. I guess that transferring is a definite possibility, but it would still be difficult to orchestrate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeSmartHippies
"she's the kind of person I could see myself marrying" - how do you know. You don't have enough experience to hold such an opinion. After you've had 10 or 20 girlfriends, then you can make such an educated statement. Go to college, get some girlfriends, then come back in the summers to see her. Nearly guaranteed, you won't be as interested in her, if you had some other girlfriends at college. If you still are interested after that, then great, it was good fortune to meet each other.
Thanks for the advice. No offense, but I think the idea that I need to go out with 10-20 girls before I can know something like that is a little ridiculous. I don't need to date a girl to know that I shouldn't pursue her. I know tons and tons of girls, and I can't think of even five that I would want to date. I know what you're thinking... kid going to college, has fallen for a girl, so he's probably irrational. Which probably isn't far off. But I suppose you should know more about me before you analyze the situation any further... I am much more conservative than most people when it comes to dating (and so is she). I guess I'm looking for more of a courtship/dating type of relationship... not like a super strict Bob Jones type thing, but one that's a little more structured and meaningful than the typical 18-22 year old relationship. And remember, we've been really good friends for a while now. We haven't officially dated, but I know her really well. It's not like I just met some girl and think that I could see myself spending forever together with her.
But I suppose that we could try it, and if it doesn't work, then oh well.... that is the purpose of dating, right?
It's very difficult to do the long-distance thing in college. You meet so many other beautiful, young, free and single people, all with open attitudes towards sex and partying. Stay friends with her and date other people. Maybe one day things will change.
That's true, but I have pretty high standards. Not in terms of hotness or anything, but in terms of moral character. Someone, no matter how beautiful or single, is not going to appeal to me just because she's easy. I mean, it will appeal to me, but not for any kind of serious relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by killer2021
Go seperate ways. There is no relationship at all. How the hell can you have a relationship by just chatting over the internet or talking on the phone? You can't. To have a relationship you need to be able to kiss, hug, hold hands and have sex. If you don't do that then you are just friends that is it and nothing more!
Sorry, but I fundamentally disagree with the latter part of your post. A relationship is much more than a physical play thing to me. Yes, I know that being able to see each other face to face, to hold hands, etc. is important, and it would no doubt be hard. But I believe that it can be done without it. The issue isn't whether or not we can do it, it's whether or not we should.
"I don't need to date a girl to know that I shouldn't pursue her. I know tons and tons of girls, and I can't think of even five that I would want to date."
Then obviously, you need to meet more girls, so you can find more that you like. Unless you think there are only 5 girls in the entire world of billions of people whom you could ever want to date.
Make the most of the time you have together and then go your separate ways. Then, take advantage of the numerous opportunities you'll have in college. I did the long-distance thing in college and in hindsight I wish I hadn't. Because of the distance, we never got the chance to form a truly close relationship and ultimately the relationship failed because of it. But not until after several other very promising opportunities had passed me by. It was the worst of both worlds. Plus, resisting temptation meant a whole bunch of cold showers. Seems like such a waste in hindsight since it was all for naught.
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