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Old 04-27-2009, 07:07 PM
YBF YBF started this thread
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,093,183 times
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......For your relationship?
I was thinking about this after reading another thread (or few threads). Another poster said that "ppl just give up way too easy these days". What do you think of this? If one party wants out of the relationship do you fight for the relationship or let it go? Or When do you fight and when do you move one and let it go?
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:10 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,306 posts, read 79,566,669 times
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i am powerless over others. i can only work on my own defects of character.
usually "working it out" is somebody smiling while i try desperately to save us both from a drowning they want. see the lawyer b4 the marriage not after.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:14 PM
YBF YBF started this thread
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,093,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
i am powerless over others. i can only work on my own defects of character.
usually "working it out" is somebody smiling while i try desperately to save us both from a drowning they want. see the lawyer b4 the marriage not after.
I like that idea
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:35 PM
 
3,853 posts, read 12,049,997 times
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can't make anyone love you.

Also either you are happy in the relationship or you aren't. If you aren't then you better get out and find someone who makes you happy.

Most people don't make the relationship work which is why marriage in this country is imploding. I think people will be happier being single. Humans weren't designed to be monogamous.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 6,393,451 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
......For your relationship?
I was thinking about this after reading another thread (or few threads). Another poster said that "ppl just give up way too easy these days". What do you think of this? If one party wants out of the relationship do you fight for the relationship or let it go? Or When do you fight and when do you move one and let it go?
The thought of divorce makes me tired. The only reasons for me to pack up my things to leave my husband is abuse(any kind toward me or the children), addiction, infidelity. If none of those things happen, my lazy butt stays put. Now if he comes home one day and says I don't want to be married to you anymore then I really have no choice but to leave. Why fight to stay with someone who doesn't want you? Sure I'll ask why and be upset but other than that if he wants to leave then that's pretty much it, isn't it? You can't ever force anyone to stay.

And I've told him this. I've told him if he ever comes to me saying he wants out there will be no begging to stay on my part so he better have really thought it through and it better be what he really wants. I don't play the back and forth stuff. So this is when I let go. When do I fight? It's not so much a fight as a choice. A choice not to go anywhere. A choice to love everyday. A choice to make it work even when things feel like they are in a rut or difficult. Ugh, I'm rambling.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:40 PM
 
4,837 posts, read 8,153,077 times
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Default When to fight......?

Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
......For your relationship?
A guy in a thread a few weeks back claimed that no woman would go for him unless he would physically fight for her.

Well, first you have to pick a fight.................

Choose carefully!
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 14,054,833 times
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You fight for your relationship the moment it starts. The problem is people wait until the other person is done before wanting to communicate or make the relationship better. A few other posters and me have said this in other threads: You have to KEEP doing what you did to get the person to KEEP the person.

My ex and I are still friends because we communicated throughout our marriage and that's we BOTH decided it was time to give it up.

The only time you can fight for your relationship is if the other person still wants to try. If not, it 's time to move on.
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Old 04-28-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 2,940,809 times
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I've known my husband for 10 years this year, dated for 2, and married for these last six. I have learned more about myself then I think I could have otherwise, because he's my best friend and allowed me to be myself as I matured. My first marriage was a disaster. I was young, inexperienced in life and the world, and I settled. Settled for close to "in love" because I was told you never fall in love twice. Ya...totally had a lot to learn at that age didn't I?

I found that if something isn't "flowing", more so, if you have to push, nudge, make things happen like communicating...something is amiss. If the love is strong, and that bond is secure (sometimes this takes a few years to build) then the communication becomes easier as you learn each other.

It starts with you. Do you love this person? Can you see yourself without this person for the rest of your life? If the thoughts keep coming faster each day of being elsewhere or out of this relationship, that was my telltale sign I had already made up my mind.

With my DH, the thought of leaving him never crossed my mind. Not once. My first thought was "there has to be a way to solve this" and usually through communication and laughter we solved a lot of our issues.

So if you are secure in your ideas, if you know what YOU want, the rest kinda handles itself sometimes. You can't please another person. You can and should take care of yourself. You must take care of your happiness and security, and like a ripple in the pond, it affects those around you. (I know that was totally corny but its what popped into my head.)

If your S.O. isn't in the same place as you, you again must make the decision, "Can I help this person find what they need? Are they wanting my help? " Open the lines of communication and find out.

They have to want to be on the same page as you are, and that's not easy for some to see. Pride, anger, resentment, financial strain, and regret seemed to me to be the big burdens on relationships that I've had. When you're with the right person, everything seems to flow. Not always seemlessly, but its those rugged times where something's out of whack that we learn so much about life and each other. Those are golden times for us in our marriage. We look to the rough spots as a chance for change, growth, and adventure.
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Old 04-28-2009, 09:52 AM
 
16,308 posts, read 15,210,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
When to fight ......For your relationship? Another poster said that "ppl just give up way too easy these days". What do you think of this? If one party wants out of the relationship do you fight for the relationship or let it go? When do you fight and when do you move one and let it go?
It has to do with a person's world view.

If a person approaches life, or relationships, or anything else in life as something they have to "fight for" then they are setting themself up for battles, fights, and an adversarial relationship with people and life and things in life.

Life does not have to be a "fight" or a "battle" or a "struggle" or any of those things. Especially in relationship, but also in other areas of life, a more peaceful, productive, satisfying, approach is one of harmony and respect and peaceful participation.

It's like what we were taught as kids, are we taught to believe that we have to "fight" to get what is ours, because there is a "limited" supply of money, love, jobs, food, whatever, and if there is not enough to go around. Or do we believe that there is an unlimited supply of money, love, jobs, happiness, and that since there is enough for everyone, we don't have to fight or grab to get what is ours.

It is possible to go through life and grow through joy and peace and harmony; instead of through struggle, battle, fighting. That's the difference between approaching life situations as "win-win" rather than as "win-lose".
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Old 04-28-2009, 09:56 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 27,800,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
It has to do with a person's world view.

If a person approaches life, or relationships, or anything else in life as something they have to "fight for" then they are setting themself up for battles, fights, and an adversarial relationship with people and life and things in life.

Life does not have to be a "fight" or a "battle" or a "struggle" or any of those things. Especially in relationship, but also in other areas of life, a more peaceful, productive, satisfying, approach is one of harmony and respect and peaceful participation.

It's like what we were taught as kids, are we taught to believe that we have to "fight" to get what is ours, because there is a "limited" supply of money, love, jobs, food, whatever, and if there is not enough to go around. Or do we believe that there is an unlimited supply of money, love, jobs, happiness, and that since there is enough for everyone, we don't have to fight or grab to get what is ours?
It is a figure of speech; "Fighting for" something does not necessarily include fighting. In this case it can be a euphemism for expending effort, "working it out", compromising.
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