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Old 04-30-2009, 09:41 PM
 
283 posts, read 863,082 times
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Ive been out on my 1st and 2nd date since getting divorced. The first date we went to the movies. The 2nd we went to a car dealership (he bought a car b/c his wasn't running) and then back to his place to watch a movie. I think this is ok, but a friend told me it's not acceptable, that a man should take me out on a proper date, not back to his place (nothing happened) , is hanging out and being comfortable probably too soon "wrong"? What must this man think of me? My friend says he won't think too much (as in too highly of me)as I am so easy, I am not easy sexually, of course becasue he is taking it slow (and prefers it as do I) , but easy as far as I don't make him spend money or take me somewhere impressive- he doesn't have a lot of money and I am fine with that. What do you guys think?
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:47 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,671,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
Ive been out on my 1st and 2nd date since getting divorced. The first date we went to the movies. The 2nd we went to a car dealership (he bought a car b/c his wasn't running) and then back to his place to watch a movie. I think this is ok, but a friend told me it's not acceptable, that a man should take me out on a proper date, not back to his place (nothing happened) , is hanging out and being comfortable probably too soon "wrong"? What must this man think of me? My friend says he won't think too much (as in too highly of me)as I am so easy, I am not easy sexually, of course becasue he is taking it slow (and prefers it as do I) , but easy as far as I don't make him spend money or take me somewhere impressive- he doesn't have a lot of money and I am fine with that. What do you guys think?
I think you should do what makes you comfortable, & if you have doubts about where he's at on the subject just ask him
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,521,640 times
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Not that I'm some experienced "dater" by any means, but this scenario sounds odd to me... Did you mean JUST a movie as a first date? You can't even talk... or even see each other for that matter... A 2nd date in a car dealership is also pretty bizarre. This is something a somewhat established couple does. Of course, it doesn't matter one bit what we think. Since you're asking, though, I'd imagine you don't feel quite right about it, either.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:54 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,671,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Not that I'm some experienced "dater" by any means, but this scenario sounds odd to me... Did you mean JUST a movie as a first date? You can't even talk... or even see each other for that matter... A 2nd date in a car dealership is also pretty bizarre. This is something a somewhat established couple does. Of course, it doesn't matter one bit what we think. Since you're asking, though, I'd imagine you don't feel quite right about it, either.
or if she's listening more to her friend than to her own instincts
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:56 PM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,812,567 times
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I found a lot of men thought when you consented to come in their house, they thought you were consenting to a whole lot more. Just be aware that is how some of them think..
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,521,640 times
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Originally Posted by gatitosmommy View Post
or if she's listening more to her friend than to her own instincts
That's a possibility, too.
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Old 04-30-2009, 10:00 PM
 
283 posts, read 863,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Not that I'm some experienced "dater" by any means, but this scenario sounds odd to me... Did you mean JUST a movie as a first date? You can't even talk... or even see each other for that matter... A 2nd date in a car dealership is also pretty bizarre. This is something a somewhat established couple does. Of course, it doesn't matter one bit what we think. Since you're asking, though, I'd imagine you don't feel quite right about it, either.
On the first date, we were able to talk (and I knew him from before , like an aquaintance), becasue we ended up choosing a movie that started an hour after we got the the theatre. We also had a snack after. The 2nd date, I know car dealership a little odd, but his deal was done, he was doing paperwork and picking up the car. we wern't there too long, then we went on our "date" in his car. We went to blockbuster , got a movie and watched it at his house.(exactally, something an established couple does, so on one hand, moving slow (we've kissed- not made out even) and on the other maybe too comfortable, too soon? This is why Im a little puzzled. Plus my friend saying this was not a good scenario. (im just curious if it seems REALLY strange, Im ok w/ it.) That is why I came to CD with the question. thank-you 4 the replies .
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Old 04-30-2009, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,521,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
On the first date, we were able to talk (and I knew him from before , like an aquaintance), becasue we ended up choosing a movie that started an hour after we got the the theatre. We also had a snack after. The 2nd date, I know car dealership a little odd, but his deal was done, he was doing paperwork and picking up the car. we wern't there too long, then we went on our "date" in his car. We went to blockbuster , got a movie and watched it at his house.(exactally, something an established couple does, so on one hand, moving slow (we've kissed- not made out even) and on the other maybe too comfortable, too soon? This is why Im a little puzzled. Plus my friend saying this was not a good scenario. (im just curious if it seems REALLY strange, Im ok w/ it.) That is why I came to CD with the question. thank-you 4 the replies .
Well, for one thing he isn't putting ANY effort into it! We all know that efforts often go away soon enough, but hey, if there's no effort at all at the very beginning, how much downhill is it gonna go... It's hard to say without knowing the person. It could be a down-to-earth guy who will always be good and dependable, if not particularly exciting. Sometimes this can be better than a flashy beginning that goes up in smoke shortly thereafter. Your gut should tell you...
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Old 04-30-2009, 10:48 PM
 
468 posts, read 1,110,711 times
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I thought the buy-a-car-then-rent-a-movie-watch-it-at-his-place date sounded like he was a smooth operator until you mentioned you didnt even make out. what! what's the world coming to nowadays. where's the romance. where's the spontaneity. (It actually sounds fine, the guy is probably shy about kissing girls or something, like most.)

Movie dates are pretty boring I think, whether going out to see one or renting one, even if they include before + after hang out talking. Hiking dates are good. Shopping dates are good (browsing, not buying, looking at stuff & seeing what each other thinks). hanging out looking at nature is good. anywhere where you can quickly go to make out in relative privacy is good. Anywhere you can talk & joke around is good, especially if this lends to getting a bit physical (with yourself & with each other), like roller blading or even playing wii. Big ticket dates (fancy dinners or expensive concerts or amusement parks) are usually bad. Dates are supposed to be about getting to know each other & getting comfortable (physically) with each other, so go with whatever does that. A lot of my dates previously involved a certain park bench. Have a girl meet at the coffee shop, instantly walk over to the park bench. Sometimes she'd ask when we were "going on the date," lol. then later she'd say it was the best date she's had because there was no stress, and plenty of time to talk & get to know each other. (& makeout, lol) Of course this only works if the guy has some personality, otherwise I guess it would get very boring -- hence why most people go on some "distraction" date, like see a movie or see a game, because then their boring personality doesn't kill everything.

BTW ignore your friend who says "it's too comfortable too soon". They're not giving you good advice.
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Old 04-30-2009, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,521,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeSmartHippies View Post
Of course this only works if the guy has some personality, otherwise I guess it would get very boring -- hence why most people go on some "distraction" date, like see a movie or see a game, because then their boring personality doesn't kill everything.
I agree with you; however, "distraction" is a way of life here. Everybody has to always "do" something, preferably a few things at a time! Otherwise they may have to think, God forbid!
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