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Old 05-17-2009, 10:29 AM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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Just curious as to what has happen to the day where the man opens the door for the lady or he sets her down at the table? And / or when the lady sets back and expects that type of behavior? or has this been lost in time? Who's at fault or what has disolved these value's? Men do you behave this way and preserve these values and ladies is this something you expect or have you forgotten?
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Old 05-17-2009, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Delaware...Oi
1,293 posts, read 3,043,155 times
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I still have them for the most part.

Car door, not so much after date 1 or 2.

And being the general bastid that I am, I do get a kick out of locking doors or holding one closed for a couple of seconds ahead of her if we've established a repore. But being a bastid, that's part of how I show affection.
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Old 05-17-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,275,589 times
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After 40+ years of feminism what do you expect?
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Old 05-17-2009, 10:44 AM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,481 posts, read 6,733,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland View Post
After 40+ years of feminism what do you expect?
See this is what I am looking for, who's to blame?
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:07 AM
 
Location: North America
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dbl-r View Post
See this is what I am looking for, who's to blame?
There are really two sides of society that have changed radically over the years and blame can be laid on both.

1. Things like civility and courtesy have come to be viewed as weak and aren't taught to children anymore.
2. Feminism teaches that it is condescending and unwelcome for a man to show these sorts of kindnesses to a woman.

So you have a guy who was never taught to be chivalrous to begin with and then add that even if he wanted to show consideration to the woman he's with he's been told that it will get him in trouble.
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:13 AM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,481 posts, read 6,733,691 times
Reputation: 29789
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland View Post
There are really two sides of society that have changed radically over the years and blame can be laid on both.

1. Things like civility and courtesy have come to be viewed as weak and aren't taught to children anymore.
2. Feminism teaches that it is condescending and unwelcome for a man to show these sorts of kindnesses to a woman.

So you have a guy who was never taught to be chivalrous to begin with and then add that even if he wanted to show consideration to the woman he's with he's been told that it will get him in trouble.
I hear what your saying but is that right? When I view older folks that have preserved those values it shows (in my opinion) a much higher level of respect. I guess I should ask why you wouldn't want that?
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:22 AM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,275,589 times
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I was talking in general societal terms.

For me personally, I will do those kinds of things for a girl if I know it will be welcomed. I also expect some level of reciprocation. Example: A building with two sets of doors, I open one for her, she opens the other for me.

Unfortunately it would be very dangerous these days for a guy to go totally old school on the first date. Picking her up, bringing flowers, opening and closing all doors, pulling out her seat, paying for everything. That's a recipe for getting taken advantage of.

But if you have been with a woman for awhile and know she's not the sort to use you and that she enjoys the treatment. I think it's fine to do at least some of those things some of the time to show her she's special to you.
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:25 AM
 
Location: The Ranch in Olam Haba
23,715 posts, read 28,141,850 times
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Chivelry is not dead, its only been watered down. Probably 1 -2 more generations it will be gone. Its not taught in school (high end private schools still do) and its not being passed down from generartion to generation. People are only learning about it through visually seeing it being done and thus thinking it to be the norm. The last stand out is holding the door open for someone or assiting them with thier coat. But the older ones like a man walking up stairs behind her, walking down stairs in front of her, man walking on the edge of sidewalk, man adjusting chair for women while sitting at table, man opening car door seating her and then closing door and assisting people to cross streets are nearly gone. Its not really a who question but rather a what question. IMHO it started with the "ME" generation and probably is being killed off by the digital generation.
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Ocean Shores, WA
5,080 posts, read 13,984,229 times
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Rituals and customs are usually relics of past attitudes and survive much longer than the circumstances in which they served a socially useful purpose.

"Chivalrous" manners are not part of a lost value system, but are remnants of archaic male/female attitudes.

It's because of these attitudes that people have such difficulty relating to the opposite sex.
For proof, one need look no further than the thousands of posts here on the Relationship Forum.

Men and women will never be able to relate easily and naturally until we are able to accept each other as individuals within an egalitarian framework.
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Delaware...Oi
1,293 posts, read 3,043,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Freddy View Post
For proof, one need look no further than the thousands of posts here on the Relationship Forum.
While you might make a semi-valid point, I'd hardly consider these boards proof of anything other than that the internet can actually be used for something other than porn. Shocking!
Our mutual clueless blundering and wondering about the opposite sex will continue throughout the eons I have no doubt. Just because there was not a blog/forum to point to doesn't mean it's existence was not previously established.
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