Keeping/not keeping maiden name after marriage (female, children, divorced)

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Waynec613

Yeah, there are plenty of personal and professional reasons to not do it.

My family fell short of grasping this.

I will admit I tend to view it much like marriage, I could give a damn really, I'm only going to do it because it shows a level of commitment to the other and a further sense of unity in most cases for the woman and the family overall. As such, I consider that gesture much in the same vein, but if she were abjectly against it for whatever reason I don't think it bother me tremendously. You either love someone enough to accept 'em, or ya don't.

Excellent. My husband doesn't even like his last name, which is Irish, because he relates to his Dutch side far more. And he loves Italian everything (me included), so my having an Irish last name wouldn't make sense. Now, if he had his way, we'd have a Van-something opposed to a Mcsomething last name in order to be a family of pirates lol. Well, that's what I think of when I hear Van-soandso. But not Van dyke!

[coldwine]

I'd keep my name. For me it's just a simple answer. I would never change my name to someone else's. It's an antiquated tradition to declare yourself property.

The other really interesting thing that came up recently was the realization that changing my name to my fiance's would suddenly make me sound extremely... ethnic. He's Brazilian. I'm pure Italian, but my family changed their name as soon as they emigrated from Milan. We're fair-skinned, light-eyed blond people with a seemingly "All American" name. And the first thing that occurred to me was, if I took his name, people would suddenly consider me very differently on paper. Their first impression, should it come through my name, would be slightly different.

I still don't know how I feel about that.

[Waynec613]

Originally Posted by coldwine

I'd keep my name. For me it's just a simple answer. I would never change my name to someone else's. It's an antiquated tradition to declare yourself property.

In that vein so is marriage, it's original purpose was more of a declaration of the woman's right to the husband's estate and properties should the male die.
*shrug*

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Jane72

That's rather presumptuous of you.

You wouldn't take you husbands name?

BTW you don't even know a thing about me so saying something like that is a little presumptuous yourself.

[Jane72]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

You wouldn't take you husbands name?

No, I've already stated that I would not, and did not.
I have a perfectly good name.

BTW you don't even know a thing about me so saying something like that is a little presumptuous yourself.

I know that you stated you expect a woman to give up her name in order to marry you. You offer no explanation for why you think she should.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Jane72

No, I've already stated that I would not, and did not.
I have a perfectly good name.



I know that you stated you expect a woman to give up her name in order to marry you. You offer no explanation for why you think she should.

Jane72 I'm probably one of the nicest and kind guys you'd ever want to meet, honestly. Me saying that about taking my name was just a gut thing. If a woman didn't want to take my name, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I just feel like sometimes we should follow traditions, not a slam to women just a tradition.

[Ivorytickler]

I took his name but if we divorce, I give it back. My problem would be what to do with my children's names. I think they should have both parents last names not just his in event of a divorce.

20/20 hindsight, I should have hyphenated their names at birth.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

I took his name but if we divorce, I give it back. My problem would be what to do with my children's names. I think they should have both parents last names not just his in event of a divorce.

20/20 hindsight, I should have hyphenated their names at birth.

My dh and I discussed this, but what if everyone did it? Our last names would be quite long! I'm not sure what we're going to do.

[CMMom]

I use my maiden name professionally and my married name legally and socially. Reason? Because I started my business before I got married and it would have been difficult for clients who knew me by that name to find me with a new name.

When I was in grad school (admittedly a fairly liberal environment), there were two professor couples who did the following. Say John Smith marries Jane Jones. They then both hyphenated both names (took each others' names), so you then had John Smith-Jones and Jane Smith-Jones. Interesting choice, I thought!

[Tropical Trouble]

I would change my name in a heartbeat. I can't stand my last name; nobody can spell it correctly, pronounce it, and it was the reason behind a lot of teasing as a child. Yup, I'd ditch my name and if the marriage ended I'd keep my new name.