Keeping/not keeping maiden name after marriage (name change, romantic, social)

[TheImportersWife]

I took my husband's name, but didn't actually change any legal documents until I got pregnant with our first daughter. All of my financials are still in my maiden name...mostly because I'm lazy.

I know a couple of women who hyphenated their names, which baffles me because they're stay-at-home moms. I could see doing this if you had an established career/profession, but they don't or didn't. I'm very attached to my maiden name and it has a bit of recognition & pull for me in my town, but for my kids' sake (and convenience), I figured it was best if I had my husband's last name.

Besides I never know how to address them or their cards/invites. When I introduce or refer to them by their "last" name, am I supposed to say "Mrs. Smith-Jones"? (Yeah...try getting a 3 yr old to say hyphenated names!) And invites, is it "The Smith-Jones Family"? It's a pain in the butt.


If we were ever to divorce (fortunately it's not in our plans), I don't know what I would do. On the one hand I would want my maiden name back, but I wouldn't want to complicate things for my kids. If they were older, then I'd probably change it back.

[LibertysFate]

Originally Posted by TheImportersWife

I took my husband's name, but didn't actually change any legal documents until I got pregnant with our first daughter. All of my financials are still in my maiden name...mostly because I'm lazy.

I know a couple of women who hyphenated their names, which baffles me because they're stay-at-home moms. I could see doing this if you had an established career/profession, but they don't or didn't. I'm very attached to my maiden name and it has a bit of recognition & pull for me in my town, but for my kids' sake (and convenience), I figured it was best if I had my husband's last name.

Besides I never know how to address them or their cards/invites. When I introduce or refer to them by their "last" name, am I supposed to say "Mrs. Smith-Jones"? (Yeah...try getting a 3 yr old to say hyphenated names!) And invites, is it "The Smith-Jones Family"? It's a pain in the butt.


If we were ever to divorce (fortunately it's not in our plans), I don't know what I would do. On the one hand I would want my maiden name back, but I wouldn't want to complicate things for my kids. If they were older, then I'd probably change it back.

That's funny. My cousin, his wife and son all have different last names. He was raised by our grandparents (mother's side), but has his dad's name. He doesn't want it but wants to wait until his service is up to change it to his mom's name. His wife still has her maiden but thinking about changing it or hyphen. His son has his mom's name.

Hyphening doesn't always have to be about career. Just because they're stay at home mom's now doesn't mean they'll be forever, that aside it's part of their identity. Some people would rather just keep it.

As for the kids part. I think a lot of women who hyphen their names just let their kids take the father's name. The hyphening part is really just for the wives.

Regarding the card/invite thing it makes it easier if you just address them as a family. Like the "Jones Family." If they don't have kids, well...I don't know. I would just Mr./Mrs. Jones it.

Usually with divorces I just assume the kids keep their names (which is usually the dad's). The only person who needs to think about changing their name is the wife. If she chooses to do so. My boyfriend and his mom don't have the same last name. She went back to her maiden name after her divorce.

[TheImportersWife]

Originally Posted by LibertysFate

That's funny. My cousin, his wife and son all have different last names. He was raised by our grandparents (mother's side), but has his dad's name. He doesn't want it but wants to wait until his service is up to change it to his mom's name. His wife still has her maiden but thinking about changing it or hyphen. His son has his mom's name.

Hyphening doesn't always have to be about career. Just because they're stay at home mom's now doesn't mean they'll be forever, that aside it's part of their identity. Some people would rather just keep it.

As for the kids part. I think a lot of women who hyphen their names just let their kids take the father's name. The hyphening part is really just for the wives.

Regarding the card/invite thing it makes it easier if you just address them as a family. Like the "Jones Family." If they don't have kids, well...I don't know. I would just Mr./Mrs. Jones it.

Usually with divorces I just assume the kids keep their names (which is usually the dad's). The only person who needs to think about changing their name is the wife. If she chooses to do so. My boyfriend and his mom don't have the same last name. She went back to her maiden name after her divorce.

The kids have hyphenated names as well. I'm always afraid of insulting the women if I just write "The Jones Family" because I know a number of women who get really sensitive about it.

I understand liking one's maiden name. Believe me, I love my maiden name and would much prefer that to my husband's, but we are a team and a family and I see the last name as an expression of unity.

[Chowhound]

My SO has a cool, kind of rare Hispanic surname. I like it better than my whitebread last name.

[queenlisa]

When I get married I count it as an honor to take my husbands last name and completely dropping my maiden name however my sister who has no middle name kept her maiden name and used her marriage name

[pers]

I took his name when we got married. After the divorce, I went back to my maiden name socially and legally but still use my married name professionally and plan to keep it as long as I'm in my current position because it's easier. At the time of our divorce, I no longer wanted his name but I've since accepted it and sort of wish I had just kept it legally and socially. It's awkward to explain why I would want it but basically, my married name reflected a change and going back to my maiden name didn't undo that change. There were good things in our marriage (no kids, other stuff) and now I view returning to my maiden name as a petty way of me saying the marriage didn't count or mean anything.

Should I marry again, I most likely would retain my maiden name legally and professionally while using his name socially. If we were to have children, I would consider changing my name or hyphenating.

[nat_at772]

I'll keep my maiden name but I'll answer if someone calls me by his.

[Ceece]

I took my husbands last name and made my maiden name my "new" middle name, dropping the one I was given at birth.

I'm getting divorced now and I'll be keeping his name since it's the same as our adult kids and I've had it much longer than I had my maiden name. LOL. If I ever remarry I'll take my new husbands name just because it would be a new beginning for me.

[netwit]

I kept my maiden name and can't think of a single reason why anyone wouldn't keep their name. It is part of my identity and if a man had a problem with that, I'd assume he was "just not that into"me and didn't understand the slightest thing about me.

[Cherie Tebo]

I took my late husband's name will continue to use it.