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Old 05-27-2009, 07:07 AM
 
54 posts, read 224,692 times
Reputation: 35

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RichardW View Post
Love the hypocrisy on this forum

Huge bias against men on here, always trying to find a way to blame them either if it is a woman complaining about a man or a man complaining about a woman. Relationships are mutual by the way, matters of sex should be mutual an not just when "she feels like it", if it is as selfish as that ditch the woman and good luck with finding someone who actually cares.

God your post is pathetic, SKP440, surely it is normal for lovers to WANT to make love, not all the time for god's sake, but you have to be judgemental enough to accuse this guy looking for solutions of being arrogant already? You should be totally ashamed of your lame nonsense on this board.
I think SKP440 was being sarcastic. I think?? I hope, gezz. lol.
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
1,851 posts, read 2,144,350 times
Reputation: 1082
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck
Its OK for women to watch porn so why would they care. Its approaching a capital offense - with 483 responses - otherwise.
Yeah, I think you get my point.

The hypocrisy is quite interesting.
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,253,590 times
Reputation: 53065
If somebody's replacing a real-life sex life with an imaginary one, they have problems that need to be dealt with. Whatever their gender. Liking porn is fine. Substituting porn for a sex life when a sex life is readibly available is a sign of emotional problems, for men AND women. The porn isn't the issue, the choosing it over real sex is.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,223 posts, read 1,680,546 times
Reputation: 1235
Quote:
Originally Posted by RichardW View Post
Love the hypocrisy on this forum

Huge bias against men on here, always trying to find a way to blame them either if it is a woman complaining about a man or a man complaining about a woman. Relationships are mutual by the way, matters of sex should be mutual an not just when "she feels like it", if it is as selfish as that ditch the woman and good luck with finding someone who actually cares.

God your post is pathetic, SKP440, surely it is normal for lovers to WANT to make love, not all the time for god's sake, but you have to be judgmental enough to accuse this guy looking for solutions of being arrogant already? You should be totally ashamed of your lame nonsense on this board.

I was being sarcastic. I think if you read my other posts on this same topic you'll see what I was talking about. To those that understood where I was coming from with that post Thank You!!
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:40 PM
 
Location: USA
4,978 posts, read 9,483,612 times
Reputation: 2506
I think she is looking for something she isn't getting at home.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
2,203 posts, read 5,064,119 times
Reputation: 3832
Quote:
Originally Posted by bif24701 View Post
I do pay the bills. She just started a job however she doesn't make enough to support even our modest life style.

How would I know if this is the case? That she wants me only for the financial security?
Because she refuses to have sex with you! It's clear as day to me now..should be to you as well.
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Old 05-28-2009, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,223 posts, read 1,680,546 times
Reputation: 1235
Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
Because she refuses to have sex with you! It's clear as day to me now..should be to you as well.

For your sake I hope this is not the case. I don't get where women (OTHER THAN THOSE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP) who are in a marriage (I say marriage because the two people in this type of relationship are supposed to be committed to each other) can just decide one day to not be intimate with their SO, or "ration intimacy as if were some special "prize" for doing what they want you to do. Men are now being called on the carpet for their misogynist behavior, yet it seems that the guys who do the right thing have to put up with more BS that they themselves would NEVER be allowed to get away with. I empathize with you because my wife doesn't want me to possess porn (nothing on the computer, and no DVDs) which I did comply with until I discovered that she had her own stash of porn (6 DVDs). Hearing how she was offended by it, how she felt I was going to porn instead of her. Now mind you up till this point in our relationship this was something we would occasionally look at together, or she would view on her own. I explained to her that I was viewing it because (although since I'm a male there is no such thing as a justifiable reason or excuse) she wanted to be intimate only once every 7 or 8 weeks at a time. I understood she was getting pressure from her job, and I was stepping up around the house (even though we are lucky enough to have a person do the cooking, cleaning, and help take care of the children during the week 24 hours a day), and checking in with her to even see what else I could do. Yet I was still responsible and I had to be the one to change my behavior. I did. I dumped the porn, got into therapy, started to speak up more when I was feeling a certain way, and I did notice the relationship getting better. Then I discovered her own stash of porn. No it was not leftover from what I had. All the porn I had was under a secure lock and key. WE BOTH had access to that. What I discovered was her own little select group of movies which to this very day she is still in possession of. She does not know that I'm aware of her collection, and I deal with it by talking to my therapist about the hypocrisy in her behavior. I thought the "magic wand" vibrator she keeps tucked next to her side of mattress was a smack in the face, but the DVDs were the icing on the cake. Still I do admit I love her, and while some may not understand it I deal with it and NOT let this cloud our entire relationship. I know if the shoe was on the other foot and she found out I still had a collection of porn she would look to kick me out of the house and divorce me. But that's the difference in (some) men and women. What you might be able to live with and move on from your SO can't, and (IMO) must either have total control (and yes I think to some degree its about control with my wife) over a situation or they're ready to pack it in.
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,877,052 times
Reputation: 1848
I can tell you that the commentS on here couldn't possibly be reversed for gender, because men and women behave in certain ways for different reasons. My advise would be to seek counseling immediately. I am FEMALE, BTW.

I currently left my marriage of 7 years, and can tell you for the last couple of years it was very much like you're describing. It was because I had basicly decided the marriage was over for me, but I didn't want to hurt him or my kids. I thought I could just "pretend" and things would get better. Counseling was suggested, but in our case the trust is gone and there really wasn't any getting it back.

Another possibility is that your wife really isn't in to you, or possibly men in general. She's doing what she feels she has to to keep you, but no more. Whether it's for money or because she doesn't want to hurt you, who knows.

If you haven't insisted on counseling at this point, I'm guessing it's because you really don't WANT to know and prefer to bury your head in the sand and just HOPE it changes. Which of course it WILL NOT.

FYI- In most states, one has to be married for a certain number of years to get alimony. Maybe that is what she's waiting for?
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:27 AM
 
55 posts, read 136,487 times
Reputation: 47
this is all VERY SAD AND PATHETIC. She clearly is very unhappy with the marriage and present circumstances, if she isn't working it's more likely to be depression than stress, it certainly hasn't impacted her libido since she is watching porn, but it seems that she is very passive aggressive and feels that she has lost control over the relationship, so what is the cheapest and quickest way to gain the upper hand, deny your partner intimacy. If only she knew that she was DESTROYING YOUR MARRIAGE and I just hope that it's not already too late for your guys. Always follow the signs, usually when you have a poor sex life, or poor communication the lifeline of your relationship has already been cut off and depending on the people involved, it may ALREADY HAVE BEEN OVER FOR A LONG TIME.
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Old 05-29-2009, 06:17 AM
 
54 posts, read 224,692 times
Reputation: 35
I have decided to cut off my wife completely. Meaning: talks, favores, chores, etc..... I think aleast this will get her attention.

What do you think?
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