Why can't farmers find good mates? (Christian, girl, family, kids)
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Oh and what type of farming are you doing? crops, cattle? Crops are boring and depend too much on the weather, cows stink, chickens really stink, hogs really really stink I'm teasing!
If your raising crops see if you can get her involved with a bake off at the fair (best blueberry pie kind of thing) If your raising animals get her one of her own-not to kill but to have as a pet, love jersey cows-she could try making cheese, most women love horses, maybe a pot bellied pig, or even an old coon hound, give her something on the farm to be proud of. I did this with a young horse, let my boyfriend train her. Of course I showed him what to do, but he got to do most of the riding. He learned to be a better rider, she got broke. He loves that horse (this was my ex btw) He still comes and visits that horse and we broke up almost 2 years ago.
It's not farming or ranching, but my wife loves boating, fishing and shooting her rifle AND NFL football......da*n I'm lucky!! She liked Squaredancing and Country dancing and looked HOT in Western clothes that included her Resistol cowboy hat and Laceup Ropers (just like what I wore......Wranglers, Resistol and Laceups). She also liked wearing a baseball cap and I thought that was totally cool. Now, this is all coming from a gal that was raised in a suburb of Detroit, Mich, not anywhere close to farms/ranches.
There are ladies out there for farmers and ranchers, but those farmers and ranchers just have to make sure the lady it the RIGHT one!! "City Slickers" that meet/marry a farmer or rancher (male or female) and move out to those areas can end up missing the "city" life and that happens a lot.
Both of my parents grew up on ranches and when I grew up in Montana I spent quite a bit of time visiting relatives who owned them and from everything I could see it was neverending physical labor even if you have farm machinery. Unfortunately the family farm is becoming a thing of the past as more and more farmers and ranchers have to sell off their land because they can't make a go of it financially. Also, society has changed dramatically from a half century ago when farming was much more common as an occupation. I doubt that many women would find the physically demanding lifestyle and isolation to be very attractive in this day and age. Then there's the ever present risk that a drought or other weather condition will wipe out your income for the year as well as the uncertainly of prices for crops and many other problems that are always hanging over your head. Farmers certainly do find wives so it's obviously not impossible but it's not a lifestyle that would appeal to most women or even men for that matter.
I agree with several of the posters here - you can't expect her to be a farmer just because she is married to one.
I dated a farmer...we even had the marriage talk...but I would have gone crazy living in the middle of nowhere (45 minutes to the nearest real grocery store). But he did work long hours and the farm came first - always. His parents farmed - and his mom apparently loved it. She worked part time in the small town but did 'household' chores (mowing, ect - that any homeowner would have) but I don't think she actually did any FARM work.
For me the biggest thing was income. There are rich farmers and there are those that basically live season to season. I knew if the relationship progressed, any money he made would go back into the farm and I would basically be supporting both of us and any potential kids on my income. What woman wants to raise the kids and run the house all by herself? This isn't 1800.
Basically - it's just a hard occupation to deal with. Not saying it can't be done, but you can't expect a woman to fit into your mold of 'farm wife'...there has to be compromise. Let farming be your job, not your life.
First, I do applaud you and every other farmer out there, because farming is hard work. It is not a job, it is a lifestyle. Which brings me to my point. I think the whole lifestyle is the sticking point. You almost have to be born into it. Especially with the world changing the way it is the whole farming life just isn't appealing to most people. I couldn't do it. It doesn't sound like you are the problem, you just need to find somebody that is willing to embrace that lifestyle. One last thing, I can't blame anybody for wanting to go out once in awhile on Friday or Saturday night, nothing wrong with that at all.
The first time I wed, it was with my high school sweetheart who just loved where I lived, loved the farm, cows, my family, etc. After 11 years together...nine of which was in marriage, it ended in divorce.
Towards the end of it she really started to loathe farm life. She hated the endless work, wanted to always go out somewhere, and on weekends would often say its Friday Night, or its Saturday Night we have to go out. She started to hate the house I built for her too (yes from felling the trees to building the cabinets) and even the fun things like snowmobiling and 4 wheeling bored her.
So then I met my current wife. The first weekend together she blew me away when she said she just wanted to stay home for the weekend. "Oh this one is perfect" I thought. Nope, not so. 4 Years later she hates this place too. Oh she brags about the cows and sheep, tractors, acreage and our new Amish neighbors...but she cannot stand to spend a moment at home anymore. She goes endlessly shopping, hates the fact that I always have to work, really hates spending money on farm related things, etc. She will help with the cows/sheep when I really need help, but I don't think she is really into it. That's not good when you are a farm wife.
A cousin of mine is a farmer as well and manages one of the farms in the family. He is a workaholic by any standard and can spend 18-20 hours a day on the farm. At 50 years old he would make for a great husband. Nice guy, seldom gets mad, good sense of humor and just adores kids. I bet he has potty trained at least 10 kids over the years because we tend to use the farm as a babysitter. He's also got morals of the highest order...never been with a lady if you know what I mean. It's true. Even when we forced him to go out to Vegas for a vacation, he would not go to any kind of establishment where the women aren't so reputable. Wanted nothing to do with them, but admits he would love to be married.
I can't figure it out. We are good people. We don't hit women by any means, and we certainly don't demean them. We aren't promiscuous either, are good with kids, do more work in a day then most people do in a week, and can carry on conversations about soil amendments for pansies, or discuss antibiotics for dogs and anything in between. That is saying nothing about fixing stuff around the house, building stuff and are home all the time in case you need something. Holy cow, compared to most husbands I think we are pretty good fish to catch. But atlas not so...
Why?
Well, for starters, you probably shouldn't generalize about the qualities of farmers in such broad strokes. This involves you, as an individual. You have to be the good fish, to hell with the rest. What you have to offer is good.
If you are a businessperson from wall street or a farmer in middle America, you just have to get down to business on what motivates you and seek the similar values in a mate. Don't take stock in the "nice guys finish last" stuff. If you are in an environment where guys outnumber girls 2 to 1, the chances of you finding a decent mate are slimmer than say, a guy in NYC. You are going to have to figure out how to meet women in a targetless environment. Maybe you try online dating? Then, there is Church, supermarkets, etc. You have to figure out how to get your best qualities out there so they are known and appreciated.
Either way, people still have a rough time making it work. There's no formula.
My advice. Don't end up with a hoe. (sorry, couldn't resist)
I understand this guy's challenges, and although this post was from 2009- it doesn't change the difficulty people who desire the rural lifestyle have in finding someone. I'm a single 40 yr old female, never married, no children, have a Masters degree, work in the city, but I have my own small farm where I have my horses. I hated living in the city, grew up in a rural area, and honestly I would walk away from corporate america in a heartbeat- but for now its an evil necessity to pay the bills. Guys I meet out where I live tend to think because I work "in the city" that I can support them. Or, guys in the city just simply do not "get" the rural lifestyle. Don't ask me to give up what I love just to be with someone. I would support someone else's interests, etc... just the same as I would want them to support mine. Most guys don't know what to think of me. Yes, I can appear a little rough around the edges, but I can't be all things to all people. I'm comfortable with who I am, and if I'm destined to finding someone- great. If not, that's ok too.
The first time I wed, it was with my high school sweetheart who just loved where I lived, loved the farm, cows, my family, etc. After 11 years together...nine of which was in marriage, it ended in divorce.
Towards the end of it she really started to loathe farm life. She hated the endless work, wanted to always go out somewhere, and on weekends would often say its Friday Night, or its Saturday Night we have to go out. She started to hate the house I built for her too (yes from felling the trees to building the cabinets) and even the fun things like snowmobiling and 4 wheeling bored her.
So then I met my current wife. The first weekend together she blew me away when she said she just wanted to stay home for the weekend. "Oh this one is perfect" I thought. Nope, not so. 4 Years later she hates this place too. Oh she brags about the cows and sheep, tractors, acreage and our new Amish neighbors...but she cannot stand to spend a moment at home anymore. She goes endlessly shopping, hates the fact that I always have to work, really hates spending money on farm related things, etc. She will help with the cows/sheep when I really need help, but I don't think she is really into it. That's not good when you are a farm wife.
A cousin of mine is a farmer as well and manages one of the farms in the family. He is a workaholic by any standard and can spend 18-20 hours a day on the farm. At 50 years old he would make for a great husband. Nice guy, seldom gets mad, good sense of humor and just adores kids. I bet he has potty trained at least 10 kids over the years because we tend to use the farm as a babysitter. He's also got morals of the highest order...never been with a lady if you know what I mean. It's true. Even when we forced him to go out to Vegas for a vacation, he would not go to any kind of establishment where the women aren't so reputable. Wanted nothing to do with them, but admits he would love to be married.
I can't figure it out. We are good people. We don't hit women by any means, and we certainly don't demean them. We aren't promiscuous either, are good with kids, do more work in a day then most people do in a week, and can carry on conversations about soil amendments for pansies, or discuss antibiotics for dogs and anything in between. That is saying nothing about fixing stuff around the house, building stuff and are home all the time in case you need something. Holy cow, compared to most husbands I think we are pretty good fish to catch. But atlas not so...
Why?
Your first wife put in 11 years with you of endless work....she probably began to loathe the farm life because she had finally realized it would always be that way, and that her needs (an occasional outing with you would be nice, and that doesn't mean snow mobiling to the back 40 to check the fence-line) was probably never going to happen and her time with you would always be second on your list of priorities...after the "endless" farm work,...... then after you've finished building a house which you claim was for her, (not you too?).........the fact that she went 11 years tells me that SHE tried really hard to be the wife you wanted....but you just weren"t interested in being the kind of husband she wanted.....the second wife just came to realize that a little sooner.....sure farming can be hard work...you've made that very clear, as clear as you've made the fact that instead of a little more "tending" to the desires/needs of the one you love...the FARM comes first.....all work and no play makes for a dull and boring day....A farm wife needs to know that she is a valued assett not only to the farm but to her husband as well...you've mentioned a lot of the things you do for the wives....curious what it is you feel they do for you?
Farm work is hard, takes long hours, involves planning, preparation, sweat, and gambling - so is being a firefighter, EMT, mechanic, etc. Most folks want a 9-5, go-home-and-chill, weekends-off , holidays-free, vacations-every-year, existence. Since DH and I have never had that, when we "bought the farm" we shared responsibilities right down the line. He can cook and bake, I can fix fence and rope the cows. Whomever is the best at a thing at any given moment does that thing, and we are constantly learning new experiences and broadening our horizons. This next year I'll take a beekeeping course at the University, and we've ordered 125 fruit and nut trees from the co-op - which all mean more work for both of us. But we have mutual goals and are not afraid to say, "Here, I'll do that".
I've met a lot of divorced farmers and ranchers who have married pretty women who think that they will be a decorative bit of arm-candy - or who think that the next farmer or rancher they marry will be rich enough to give them all that they want. They see the big tractors, the 4WD pickups, the massive land, and think, "He must be rich!" - and don't understand that these things are tools, not mere possessions. I am watching one woman right now, who moved to the country because her mother told her "There are a lot of rich ranchers out here!". She just kicked her third (rancher) husband out because she has taken up with a son of still another "rich rancher" and thinks that she will marry him and "get it all". I have seen women marry ranchers and then take the cattle sale money to go off on six-week 'vacations' while leaving their DH on the ranch to tend the cattle and mow the hay.
These women are not ranch wives - they are gold diggers, in it for what they can get. They are not much different from the gold diggers of the cities, who chase after the Wall Street suit or the Mercedes-convertible owner, thinking that they can trade their face and figure for what they want. They are usually right - at least for awhile. They know what to say, and how to move - it is a big chess game to them.
Men who have spent most of their lives working on ranches often have no idea how to seperate the 'milk cow' from the 'cull'. Well-formed udders, a soft and cooing moo, and an attractive walk don't make a good cow any more than they make a good farm wife.
He's also got morals of the highest order...never been with a lady if you know what I mean.
just because he hasn't been with a lady doesn't mean he has "morals of the highest order". your friend could well be gay (not implying here that being gay precludes one from having "morals of the highest order" - just that the reason he hasn't been with a woman could be that he's gay or has some issues).
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I'm teasing!
(sorry, couldn't resist)
