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Old 05-27-2009, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,859,620 times
Reputation: 1668

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingNCircles View Post
I am so frustrated. I rushed into marriage 3 years ago with this guy. I knew what I was getting into in a way but I wanted a family so bad my judgment was very clouded. Over the past 3 years he has not kept a job longer than a few months and is always on probation. He has 3 probation in three different counties. And he smokes weed and cigarettes every day and hangs out at a music studio all day. We have moved liked 3 times cause I never make enough money to support us. In march I got laid off of my job and I haven't worked. I can't pay anything or even buy diapers for our son or food for us to eat. Our car is broken down (while his was driving it..out bs'ng around) and has no insurance and i still have to pay the note next week and all the bills. Only by Gods grace have we made it thus far. I'm so fed up with him, the only thing he does is wash dishes and sweeps, our house is a mess. I never clean because I feel like that is the least he can do when he is chillin all day. He uses his criminal record as an excuse when he doesn't find a job. When I confront him about it he gets verbally abusive and threatens to brake stuff,.... wreck the car....and treats our son very mean.And with all this ....no matter how bad things are he thinks I'm supposed to want to have sex and I owe that to him cause I'm his wife. Like its my duty to please him sexually. And he says I'm a sh**ty wife cause I don't ever give it up. I'm not trying to keep sex from him though I'm not in the mood to do it AT ALL. Its like he escapes from the stress through his weed and his friends at the studio. I have no escape. When my son is hungry and all i have is Ramen to feed him all day everyday. Why should he feel the pleasure of that sexual release and making him feel like a "man." He says all I want is money, and if he had a thousand dollars then I'd give it up all day long.If that's being a wife then I can't be a wife right now cause our situation is so bad that I could care less about his needs. If I don't work hard to make things better I know he never will. Sometimes I just want to let things get worse and not pay for anything maybe he'll wake the hell up but then me and my son will suffer. My parents would love for me to leave him and come live with them. If I try he will try his best to destroy my life.... damage my car, my camera equipment (i do photography), my computer ... he'll cry and he may even go out and get a lil job but it wont last. He's so immature and childish I'm so sick of struggling getting evicted and having our utilities cut off. I can't afford a divorce.... I've been married before ... I can't believe I'm in another failed marriage....I'm a christian.... so I do pray for him but I feel like I should just leave...I don't want it to be 10 years from now and I'm still going through the same thing. Me and my son deserve better.
If what you say is true, then why are you still with this man? What is he doing for you that keeps you from leaving him? You claim to be a Christian, well the Christian thing to do here is to be kind to yourself and your son and leave this guy. I stayed married the first time to a guy who smoked weed, sold weed, wouldn't work, I was the sole support of our family for a long, long time. Oh, my ex also liked other women..all kinds of other women and eventually took off with a married woman who was just as ridiculous as he was and is. Why we as women feel compelled to stay with a bad spouse in hopes that he will "get better"..."find a job"...etc, is a mystery I have yet to figure out. I can read in your post that he is making you feel obligated to him and that is exactly what my ex did. I stayed with my ex for 11 almost 12 very long years and put up with his crap that whole time....no money, no food, mortgage never paid, lights always being threatened to be shut off, no oil for heat, no running hot water, house falling apart and for what...LOVE??? Love doesn't hurt and Love is taking care of each other not just you taking care of him. If ths guy cannot love you back and take care of his child the way he should then you need to get the hell out of Dodge...for sure.

I left my ex when my son was 11 and have never looked back and did put over 500 miles between us. He had taken off with his married girlfriend and when he came back and found me gone he was in tears, shocked all upset...sucked to be him. It was the absolute final straw on this camel's back and hell would have frozen over before I even would look at his putrid face again. Hate him? Yes I do and God forgive me because I know we are not suppose to hate but this man dumped on me from day one then destroyed another man's marriage and didn't care. I have no use for him. Now, he doesn't even see his 40 year old son and hasn't for the last 25 years..he is a jerk and will probably die with his son not speaking to him ever again.

So.............if you think he is going to change....you will grow old waiting for it to happen. Some guys just can't give up the single life and even though he may profess to love you and cry real tears..don't be fooled. The only reason he is showing emotion is that he is scared he will have to fend for himself...his meal ticket is on the way out. Think it over, please...don't waste anymore of your time or your childs with this loser..run as fast as you can and make a good life for yourself and your child's. Good Luck
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:26 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,253,323 times
Reputation: 55556
if he was a hard working financially secure sir frances drake kind of guy like your mom said to marry you would know what to do, like any other red blooded american girl-- you would make that phone call and get a nice big fat settlement. but you didnt do that so you are putting up with lots of baloney.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 05-27-2009 at 01:26 PM..
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Old 05-27-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,494 posts, read 4,541,382 times
Reputation: 3026
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingNCircles View Post
You are right I did make the choice. It was not a smart one but I cannot live a life a regret I have to think about the future at this point. If you can't understand my frustration that's fine, everyone circumstances are different. I suffered 3 miscarriages back to back and suffered from depression and feelings of unworthiness so deep. I thought maybe if we get married then God would bless me with a child. I got married and got pregnant with my son a month later. I wish I had not have done it, in hindsight. I knew how he was your right, I wasnt fully happy then but you have to understand where my mind was. Besides now that I am a mother I have changed. I am a different person than the one he married. I have done all I can do.

Also I want to explain... I'm not the one that feels it is a "duty" .. he apparently feels that way I am assuming ....by the why he treats me. I don't feel intimate with someone who is treating me that way so why would i want to share my body with them? I dont accept him being a bum.
Well, show you have really changed and at this point for your child. No, you have not done all you can. The moment you leave him as many here have suggested I may then agree with you. Once you take action then I stand up and take my hat off to you for doing what you must do.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:51 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,568,944 times
Reputation: 3294
Eegads, woman! Why have you waited this long to leave him? Because you are a Christian? It would be a very cold day in hell before I let any man waste my money to the point of feeding my animals commercial, grain & by-product-ridden food...but to feed your child Ramen every day is horrific. AND this guy is mean to your son? If you did not have the strength to leave this loser, you should have at least let your parents take your son in and provide him with actual nutrition and love! NO it is not your duty to have sex with your idiot loser of a husband, but it IS your duty to get your kid the hell out of there so he has a shot at a healthy body & mental state!!! Sorry to sound so harsh, but you have to wake up and realize how damaging all this will be for your child...his best interest must come before everything else, even your own depression, anxiety, and fear.
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Old 05-27-2009, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,166,877 times
Reputation: 3072
Quote:
Originally Posted by onegreatnurse View Post
Leave. Go to your parents. Start over...
Go. NOW. Tonight...stealthy..middle of the night...
I agree entirely. Leave him immediately. He obviously is very selfish and does not love oyu (if he did, he would not try to wreck your life for leaving him). Go to your parents...if not for yourself, do it for your child, who deserves much better.

Don't remain trapped with Mr. Loser. Hit the road. DTMFA.
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
41,325 posts, read 44,874,903 times
Reputation: 7118
Why did you choose to bring a child into this kind of environment?

And don't give me the crap that he wasn't like this before. There are ALWAYS signs and clues and red flags smacking you in the face.

I feel sorry for your child.
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:51 PM
 
18,345 posts, read 18,963,331 times
Reputation: 15657
don't worry about any one "understanding, you have given him enough chances to do the right thing. leave and restart your life. nothing could be worse than what you are describing for your child or you. big hugs
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Delaware...Oi
1,293 posts, read 3,186,067 times
Reputation: 547
Feel sorry for the poor sap that gets sucked into that mess down the road.
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Old 05-28-2009, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,181,434 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat View Post
Eegads, woman! Why have you waited this long to leave him? Because you are a Christian? It would be a very cold day in hell before I let any man waste my money to the point of feeding my animals commercial, grain & by-product-ridden food...but to feed your child Ramen every day is horrific. AND this guy is mean to your son? If you did not have the strength to leave this loser, you should have at least let your parents take your son in and provide him with actual nutrition and love! NO it is not your duty to have sex with your idiot loser of a husband, but it IS your duty to get your kid the hell out of there so he has a shot at a healthy body & mental state!!! Sorry to sound so harsh, but you have to wake up and realize how damaging all this will be for your child...his best interest must come before everything else, even your own depression, anxiety, and fear.
it is also her duty to get herself into counseling to find out why she accepts so little, and at the cost of her son. I believe feeding him ramen noodles everyday is border line abuse? My God, what could she be thinking? And you should be harsh, b/c she is not using her head and making the right decsions concerning the mental welfare of her son, not to mention, the lack of nutrician in his body. His entire health system could be at stake, bone growth, mental ability to focus, blood circulation, eyes, heart, etc.

I know a women who refuses to learn how to cook. She feeds her son all kinds of junk food, and she wonders why he is having mental difficulties. He has not for years, been getting the right nutrician. So, she takes him to fast food resturants, and gives him basically, junk to eat all the time, hardly any vegtables, etc.

What can these women be thinking?

Bad judgement and a lack of common sense, when it comes to their children.

I'm not sorry for being so harsh, as I won't mince words...sometimes you gotta hit people with a 2 x 4 to get their attention,
but lady, I'm going to say this right out. If someone reported you, they could probably find enough evidence to take your son away and put him in foster care. Your choosing a real jeark over your son's well being. Bad move.
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:58 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,567,744 times
Reputation: 26727
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingNCircles View Post
Yes exactly... my point is that I want to provide not only a better meal but a better life for my son.
Then do it.
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