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It is my ultimate goal to move somewhere else, preferrably somewhere more liberal and more transplant oriented. However, the recession and finances among other things have me tied down right now. Moving away is a long term solution that is MUCH easier said than done. If you've ever tried to just pack up and relocate you know what I am talking about. A short-term solution is needed also.
Nothing is more important than your happiness and well-being. Please don't sell yourself short. As you take steps to honor yourself, doors fly open, opportunities appear, the world rushes in to assist and support you. You will be amazed and surprised and thrilled at not only how much better you feel, but at how much more success you experience.
It sounds like the only thing stopping you is you. People do leave at the drop of a hat. Moving away happens when you do it. There are jobs, there are temp jobs, there is opportunity to work. It takes courage and believing in yourself and a willingness to trust life to take good care of you, and once you do it you will see it is the best thing you ever did for yourself.
(PS I am someone who HAS just picked up and relocated, who HAS moved sight unseen halfway across the country, to a place I had never even visited, without knowing anyone, with no job or job prospects. I had money to live on for about 2 months, and that was borrowed money. You are worth it. Please honor yourself.)
Interesting thread, though, I admit I didn't read it all (don't have the time right now).
Im not gay. 100% straight. Trust me on this. Im also very masculine. But I've noticed that im more attracted (in terms of friendship) to gay males than straight males. All through-out high school and even today in college 75% of my friends are female, 20% are gay males and 5% are straight males.
Again i'm not gay, which makes it difficult for me to have so many female friends and gay male friends because other people assume im gay. I think my mother even suspects I may be gay (ironically, just due to my lack of male friends). Even some of my gay friends ask me if Im 'secretly gay'.... Imagine how hard it is to meet a nice young lady when I have so many female and gay male friends.
The reason I have so many female and gay friends is because its really hard to build any kind of substantial male friendships because a lot of men are afraid of appearing "gay". Even my 'good' straight male friends that I've known from pre-k rarely go beyond superficial displays of masculine friendship like sports talk and picking up girls, etc.
Mathguy, that is cool but what do you do at the gym 5+ days out of the week with your buddy?? That is a lot of working out. I used to just go twice a week or three times at the most.
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Originally Posted by Mathguy
I have a strong streak of dont-give-a-fck in me with regards to stuff like this. I used to work out with my buddy 5+ days a week in a gym where we were damn near the only straight guys. Everyone thought we were a couple, I was about 23 I didn't care. <shrug>.
Today I have a couple kids,I date, I will go do stuff with my guy friends anytime and not give it a second thought.
Some people are more mature and have far more depth than others. You might have outgrown your pre-k friend. When I look back at my best friends from elementary I now realize as an adult I have nothing in common. And I have many different interests and a much different personality.
It's far easier to find people with bland and shallow personalities than mature people with depth and interesting traits and talents.
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Originally Posted by 540_804
Interesting thread, though, I admit I didn't read it all (don't have the time right now).
Im not gay. 100% straight. Trust me on this. Im also very masculine. But I've noticed that im more attracted (in terms of friendship) to gay males than straight males. All through-out high school and even today in college 75% of my friends are female, 20% are gay males and 5% are straight males.
Again i'm not gay, which makes it difficult for me to have so many female friends and gay male friends because other people assume im gay. I think my mother even suspects I may be gay (ironically, just due to my lack of male friends). Even some of my gay friends ask me if Im 'secretly gay'.... Imagine how hard it is to meet a nice young lady when I have so many female and gay male friends.
The reason I have so many female and gay friends is because its really hard to build any kind of substantial male friendships because a lot of men are afraid of appearing "gay". Even my 'good' straight male friends that I've known from pre-k rarely go beyond superficial displays of masculine friendship like sports talk and picking up girls, etc.
The reason I have so many female and gay friends is because its really hard to build any kind of substantial male friendships because a lot of men are afraid of appearing "gay". Even my 'good' straight male friends that I've known from pre-k rarely go beyond superficial displays of masculine friendship like sports talk and picking up girls, etc.
Great post! This is exactly the kind of stuff I am talking about. I am not really talking about displays of affection such as hugging as much as I am talking about depth of friendship. It's difficult to find a straight guy that will take the male friendship beyond sports talk, sex talk, or just general gossip. Let me ask you, do you live in the Bible Belt?
It seems like guys these days are so afraid of "looking gay" it makes forming new friendships difficult, especially among adults. For instance, two guys can't go out to eat together unless they have known each other for a long time, and if they do, it needs to be either fast food or a sports bar kind of place - no nice restaurants because that looks ghey. Two guys can't go to the movies together - if they do it has to be either a large group or the guys have to sit apart so a theater full of strangers don't think they are a couple. Heaven forbid any guys show physical affection for each other in a non-joking way or start talking to each other about their personal lives or any kind of serious conversation. Now sports, hunting, fishing, etc are all acceptable but what if I am not into these things? I don't consider myself gay but I sometimes wonder because I desire close, companion-style male friendship and most straight guys seem deathly afraid of this (with the exception of with their best friend they grew up with). Other cultures don't struggle with this, so why do Americans? Does me living in the rural South have anything to do with this or is this phenomenon nationwide?
Uh oh! I must look REALLY gay. 'Cause I definitely break all those rules with some regularity. My best buddy and I go out to eat together somewhat regularly. We go to nice places. We definitely discuss our personal lives. And we are both quite straight - we are just very close friends. I go to dinner and such with other male friends too, though not as often, and with less discussion of personal lives .
I enjoy big groups as much as anyone. But sometimes, in my view, you need some time in a small group (e.g., 4 or fewer), or even one-on-one, to really re-connect so to speak. This is less an issue with purely social friends, but when you are dealing with close friends, people you share important things with, that time to me is rather important. Big groups are fun, but friendships rarely deepen in big groups. You can't spend enough attention on any one person to accomplish that.
And you know what? I don't really give a **** what people think about it. I'm sure some misinformed idiots might have decided I was gay somewhere down the line (the waiter who wanted to bring two spoons when my buddy ordered dessert comes to mind LOL). But that's their problem. Everyone who knows me knows I'm quite straight, and anyone with any sense doesn't make sexuality judgments based on such things anyway.
It seems like guys these days are so afraid of "looking gay" it makes forming new friendships difficult, especially among adults. For instance, two guys can't go out to eat together unless they have known each other for a long time, and if they do, it needs to be either fast food or a sports bar kind of place - no nice restaurants because that looks ghey. Two guys can't go to the movies together - if they do it has to be either a large group or the guys have to sit apart so a theater full of strangers don't think they are a couple. Heaven forbid any guys show physical affection for each other in a non-joking way or start talking to each other about their personal lives or any kind of serious conversation. Now sports, hunting, fishing, etc are all acceptable but what if I am not into these things? I don't consider myself gay but I sometimes wonder because I desire close, companion-style male friendship and most straight guys seem deathly afraid of this (with the exception of with their best friend they grew up with). Other cultures don't struggle with this, so why do Americans? Does me living in the rural South have anything to do with this or is this phenomenon nationwide?
It's the rural part, i suspect. At least where I live, in the DC Metro Area, guys aren't like that at all, but as you go into the more rural parts of VA (past northern VA) and rural MD (out by the Eastern Shore), the guys tend to get more like how you're describing.
oh, and it's been my experience that most of the hetero guys I know that come across as gay, eventually end up having some bi tendencies. not addressing the OP, just an offshoot I had.
It reminds me of how some immature guys act in high school and junior high.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett
It's the rural part, i suspect. At least where I live, in the DC Metro Area, guys aren't like that at all, but as you go into the more rural parts of VA (past northern VA) and rural MD (out by the Eastern Shore), the guys tend to get more like how you're describing.
Great post! This is exactly the kind of stuff I am talking about. I am not really talking about displays of affection such as hugging as much as I am talking about depth of friendship. It's difficult to find a straight guy that will take the male friendship beyond sports talk, sex talk, or just general gossip. Let me ask you, do you live in the Bible Belt?
This is so unfortunate. And you are right, it's common. A lot of men take this attitude of, I need no one, and I certainly don't need guys. If you ask them, they'll tell you the lowliest female acquaintance they have is more important to them than their closest guy friend. All in some asinine attempt to appear to be some kind of sex king or lady's man.
But you know what? I need other men. There, I said it. TRULY close male friendships are absolutely essential to my well-being and happiness. I think this is true of all men, just none of them want to admit it, so they go through life putting up a superficial bulls*** shield and being far less happier than they could be.
Now, I agree a man should, generally speaking be in control of his emotions. I agree that a man shouldn't be a gossip, or disseminate stories of his personal life far and wide. But I do need someone I can occasionally be vulnerable to - another guy I can discuss important and personal things with. And a woman doesn't work, because you know what, women and men are different in some ways.
I guess I am lucky to have a best buddy I feel I can share virtually anything with. And to have other very close male friends that I share less with but am still quite close to. I think this used to be more common. Something in modern society has caused a lot of guys to be extremely homophobic and extremely insecure in their sexuality, and they act accordingly. And again, its unfortunate. People need to stop obsessing over appearances and live their lives!
It reminds me of how some immature guys act in high school and junior high.
The thing is, a lot of them get stuck in these little podunk towns and their mindset never changes. They never evolve past it. I could NEVER marry I guy like that, his ego couldn't handle me and his backwardness would drive me crazy.
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