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Old 05-27-2009, 12:50 PM
 
943 posts, read 3,160,401 times
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I talk to many women and men who are happily married but are still attracted to other people. Others though tell me that they no longer will feel attracted to someone now that they are happily married. I wonder who is telling the truth.

I know that I have been attracted to a few men I have worked with or interact with on a regular basis. I have to force myself to stop interacting with them so often because it is just so great to be with them. If I spend alot of time with them I start thinking about him alot. Yes, I told my husband about these guys and he understands.

So, if married, how do you fight the attraction you have with someone of the opposite sex?
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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You consider the issue rationally. What is your marriage worth to you and what are you willing to sacrifice for it? It's perfectly normal to be attracted to others and to feel flattered by their attention -- but if you value your marriage, you pass on other potential mates, the same way as if you value your svelte figure, you pass on doughnuts.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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Someone can help me with statistics, but I would say if it were that simple a lot less than the 60% of married males and 40% of married females, last time I heard the numbers, would have weakened. Are we all vulnerable? Might be a good question. And I won't even go into the obesity epidemic sweeping the U.S.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:31 PM
 
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If you are in a marriage and in a supposed bond with your soulmate i dont understand how you would look at anyone whos attractive and has a nice personality as anything more then a friend regardless..

Perhaps if any good looking charming guy you get along with can sweep you of your feet maybe marriage isnt for you
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,651,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
If you are in a marriage and in a supposed bond with your soulmate i dont understand how you would look at anyone whos attractive and has a nice personality as anything more then a friend regardless..

Perhaps if any good looking charming guy you get along with can sweep you of your feet maybe marriage isnt for you
That's how it is with me. Everyone, including my wife, knows I love women. Everyone knows I check out women. I find myself attracted to women all the time. But I have never, ever hit on a woman since I have been married, and she knows I never will.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:42 PM
 
943 posts, read 3,160,401 times
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Default I don't buy it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunil's Dad View Post
That's how it is with me. Everyone, including my wife, knows I love women. Everyone knows I check out women. I find myself attracted to women all the time. But I have never, ever hit on a woman since I have been married, and she knows I never will.
By the fact that such a large number of people get involved in affairs tells me that people can not resist the temptation of someone who has sex appeal and seems so much more interesting than the boring spouse you currently have.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:45 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 5,684,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
By the fact that such a large number of people get involved in affairs tells me that people can not resist the temptation of someone who has sex appeal and seems so much more interesting than the boring spouse you currently have.
I think there is more to most affairs than just temptation or boredom. There is frequently an underlying problem in the marriage -- lack of affection, bickering, long-term sex denial, etc. Not saying cheating is okay, but I believe if it's just physical attraction, most people are perfectly capable of controlling themselves.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,651,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
By the fact that such a large number of people get involved in affairs tells me that people can not resist the temptation of someone who has sex appeal and seems so much more interesting than the boring spouse you currently have.

Well, my wife is many things, some great, some not so great, but she is not boring. And I am not saying that I haven't thought about what it might be like to pursue some of the women I have been attracted to. What I am telling you is that I have not done so.

Also, it's pretty easy for me to stay faithful since I get the impression that the women I am attracted to are not attracted to me.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:49 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
283 posts, read 738,580 times
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I honestly find my husband more attractive than any other man I have met, worked with, been friends with, etc. Maybe I am just one of the lucky percentage of people that really found "the one" and can't see anyone else as attractive. I wouldn't say I will never be attracted to another man, but my marriage and commitment means more. To the OP, I would say that if you feel you need to limit contact with other men so that you are not finding something more appealing about them then your husband, and you value your marriage, you need to figure out why they are so much more appealing and see if you can't find what made you that excited about you husband in the first place. It is there... you just may have to dig deeper.
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Old 05-27-2009, 02:57 PM
 
168 posts, read 532,010 times
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Everyone has experienced this dilemma some time in their lives. Basically, you limit the contact you have with that person and don't encourage your feelings or theirs and building up your self-control. Secondly, keep in mind what's at stake if you give in ... your marriage, your family and possibly even your job. People choose whether or not to give in to these extra-marital attractions. Giving in doesn't just "happen" no matter how much we like to think it does. We have total control over it.
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