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When I started dating my bf he had recently broke up. When she found out he was dating she started calling and texting everytime we were together. While she was on the phone with him one evening I said, hey ask her if she wants to come over and join us for a 3-some. She stopped calling after that.
Heck, I wouldn't give up my friends for someone I was marrying! Again, absent some compelling reason, I just think there is something very wrong and unhealthy when a romantic partner attempts to force his or her SO to give up friends. Just like there's something wrong (usually jealousy) when a friend tries to make you choose between them and your SO....
I've got a rule and I think it works about 95% of the time. Whenever someone forces you to choose between them and someone else, your best bet is to "choose" the person who isn't asking you to choose. That's the person you have a healthy relationship with.
I don't think he should give up his friends, but the other girl is texting him for hours while he is with her? That would offend me even if it was a male friend!
You hit the nail on the head....he's not your boyfriend, never was. He is just getting what he needs from you (like he does all women) and why not? If you are willing- he will take.
This hasn't been stated on this site for a few months but if a women desires the type of man that most women crave, be prepared to share him. Maybe not today, but if the going gets tough in your relationship, guess where he'll go to get some comfort.
Monogamy is also difficult for men with a way with women. Its boring for them.
Finally, there will be plenty of his old flames who think that he made a mistake selecting you. They will be eager to prove this theory correct.
I don't think he should give up his friends, but the other girl is texting him for hours while he is with her? That would offend me even if it was a male friend!
Oh, that's a different issue. That has nothing to do with giving up a friend or not. And to some extent that's on the guy. If I were him, and a friend started texting me, I'd write back with "Hey, I'm on a date right now, I'll hit you up tomorrow."
Ive been dating a guy for about 1 month. He texts me / calls me a lot , sees me a lot and is very affectionate with me. I knew he had a lot of female friends, one in particular bothered me , (becasue I know she is a person who, as she stated, becasue of past sexual abuse, has to have sex everyday.), and now she is breaking up with her boyfriend.
So, he wanted to see her when he came to see me yesterday. , her and I live on the same side of town, about a mile apart. So anyways, I agreed to go to her house, encouraged it even becasue I wanted to see the 2 of them together. There wasn't anything there, though being that they both seem to need somone in thier lives , (when they are single) I could see them together at some point. (After him and I split, of course ,perhaps the reason him and I split.....)
I say that (the reason him & I split) is because what did disturb me about the visit is that he treated her just like he treats me. Compliments (the same ones) etc. I felt so unspecial. Almost like his female friend , but I happen to be the one who has sex with him. She also has a history of men being a little violent with her and is a disturbed (a little off mentally, on meds) person in general and her aura along with the disappointment of not feeling special to my boyfriend b/c he treated her as well as he treats me, made me sick. I am still sick to my stomach.
What is you guys take on all of this? I did not sleep with him last night (as he didn't even bring his stuff to stay over!) and I was disturbed. He wanted to have sex but I wasn't into it.
I'm going to tell you, what people told me years ago
Trust your gut instincts...
I said this very thing to him a couple weeks ago after we first slept together. (that he seems to like me less than I like him) I don't hink he's playing games with me, honestly, if anything, I am the one guilty of that becasue I wanted to see them together. Why did I want that? To hurt myself? I imagine I knew it would hurt. I just felt Id know if I had to worry about her or not if I saw them together. I wish I had been honest the other night when his roommate said to him, you're on a date with your girlfriend, you shouldn't be texting another girl. This friend of his texted non-stop for a couple of hours when we were together the night before last. I told him it was ok , becasue I could feel her pain and she needed him, he can't just ignor her. But now I am thinking I am being ignored some of the time for her. Only so much attention 1 person has. I should worry about getting my needs met, not hers , or his so much right? Maybe be straight up that I need undivided attention when we are together.......... BTW, this is my first relationship after a divorce. (no kids, alcoholic ex husband)
I'm quessing, is it possible he did this to test you, your jealousy or insecurity, or pehaps even worse, a way to control you? Perhaps make you feel inferior. I dated a real jerk that used to do that, and 2nd quess everything...he loved to make you feel less then he...it boosted his ego.
So are you suggesting a man in a monogamous relationship should not have female friends?
No I am not. I am stating that when a man enters into a relationship with a woman he is introducing as his girlfriend, THINGS CHANGE. Female friends will then need to know their role, and play their position.As a female, its all about respecting my male friend's new woman. It has nothing to do with the OP being insecure. Its about RESPECT,which means you need not be calling him and texting him as regularly as you did when he was single. And, he needs to realize that now that he is in a relationship, that things will also need to change on his end, as well. If anything, think the OP is naive, more than insecure.
Last edited by Little Mizz Pittsburgh; 05-28-2009 at 02:15 PM..
OP here. I am sure Im both naieve and insecure. I never asked him to give up any of his female friends, in fact, I encourage him to remain in touch with them becasue I think it's wrong to drop your friends when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend. This woman made me feel funny because she is very sexual and men have a reputaion for not being able to turn that down. I do trust my gut and that is why I wanted to see them together. I don't think anything will go on sexually with the 2 of them. So many responses here I don't know wher to start to reply to you all and I apprecieate all the imput. He is a great guy and I don't feel mistreated , though I do feel some undivided attention would be nice. I figured if we are together a lot, he will have to talk and text when I am around. The only thing that rubs me the wrong way with him is his arrogance on how much I love sex with him. His roommate (also female) said to him the same night she told him to quit the texting while we were on a "date" (usually hang out more than go out) that there's some wine in the fridge if you want to get her drunk (as a joke, I m not a drinker) and he said "I don't need to get her drunk", Then he says things like he's sure we'll be doing it again soon- just a little too cocky, as I think men tend to be once they sleep with you.
OP here. I am sure Im both naieve and insecure. I never asked him to give up any of his female friends, in fact, I encourage him to remain in touch with them becasue I think it's wrong to drop your friends when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend. This woman made me feel funny because she is very sexual and men have a reputaion for not being able to turn that down. I do trust my gut and that is why I wanted to see them together. I don't think anything will go on sexually with the 2 of them. So many responses here I don't know wher to start to reply to you all and I apprecieate all the imput. He is a great guy and I don't feel mistreated , though I do feel some undivided attention would be nice. I figured if we are together a lot, he will have to talk and text when I am around. The only thing that rubs me the wrong way with him is his arrogance on how much I love sex with him. His roommate (also female) said to him the same night she told him to quit the texting while we were on a "date" (usually hang out more than go out) that there's some wine in the fridge if you want to get her drunk (as a joke, I m not a drinker) and he said "I don't need to get her drunk", Then he says things like he's sure we'll be doing it again soon- just a little too cocky, as I think men tend to be once they sleep with you.
I still say you need to tell him to KICK ROCKS and that you need to move on to something bigger and better. Any man, that's texting another female, for hours on end, while he's spending time with his girlfriend, is shady. What really is there to talk about for HOURS like that? Plus the fact that you KNOW she's very sexual. HELL NAW. Call me insecure all you want, but it wouldn't be MY man doing that when he's spending time with ME.
On top of that, he sounds like a jerk. Most men who brag about how good the are in bed and are big headed like that when it comes to sex, have little wieners.
Little Mizz Pittsburgh
U R 2 funny. ANd I do appreciate the good advice, I can see it is good advice. Just really overly concerned about things in a new relationship. Don't want to be taken for granted, if he needs reassurance, I want to give him that too. I want to be a good girlfriend and I expect him to be a good boyfriend, which, U R right, does include NOT texting extensively with someone else when he is with me. I think I will let him know my feelings on that. I just don't want to be the type who makes him change his life. I was upset last night. Upset he doesn't want to sleep over , too. What's up with that?
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