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05-29-2009, 07:35 AM
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5 posts, read 37,507 times
Reputation: 11
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I've a date on Saturday, the first I've had in about 10 years. We met incidentally through mutual friends and she effectively asked me out a week ago. While flattered enough, she's now sending out rather clear signals that she expects to come back to my place to spend the night. I've not encouraged her thinking in this regard, it's just that she's clearly more on the bold side (more than I intuited originally) and attractive so I think she's use to dates going this way for her.
Obviously this makes me uneasy on a number of accounts. Part of me feels like cancelling because we're simply not on even terms with respect to sex; I'm potentially walking into a situation where I'll have to turn her down (which might offend her) or I'll following through with potentially very awkward results.
On the other hand, she is bright and ready-witted and we have some rapport. (And, amazingly, she asked me out.)
The other option, I suppose, is to tell her my "status" but this feels particularly embarrassing given her personality- perhaps with another woman of a less aggressive temperament and after a series of no expectation dates this would be possible.
While I could write more, my description outlines the contours of the matter.
Thus: cancel? date?
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05-29-2009, 07:40 AM
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5,823 posts, read 11,363,141 times
Reputation: 4642
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Don't cancel, man, don't!
Do it for me!
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05-29-2009, 07:47 AM
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Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 17,811,283 times
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Oh! Go on the date!!!!! She sounds like she would be the perfect "teacher" for you. Certainly be honest with her. This is a wonderful opportunity for you if you are ready to "lose it!" Go out and have a great time and if it does happen that she she wants to "rock your world" just let it happen and dont worry about any awkwardness. Thats to be expected the first time. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!  |
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05-29-2009, 08:08 AM
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1,402 posts, read 3,388,116 times
Reputation: 1313
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For the love of pete....go on that date!
Chances are you've built up sex to be a much bigger deal than it really is....Despite everything we are read/hear/see about sex, its not that big of a deal. Really.
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05-29-2009, 10:34 AM
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18,131 posts, read 10,572,604 times
Reputation: 23113
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Cancel. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
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05-29-2009, 10:43 AM
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Location: Incognito
7,004 posts, read 20,508,148 times
Reputation: 5504
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Go out on a date and I'll have sex with her. Just a thought.
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05-29-2009, 10:45 AM
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Location: Mountain View, CA
1,152 posts, read 3,097,018 times
Reputation: 1064
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pi'op
I've a date on Saturday, the first I've had in about 10 years. We met incidentally through mutual friends and she effectively asked me out a week ago. While flattered enough, she's now sending out rather clear signals that she expects to come back to my place to spend the night. I've not encouraged her thinking in this regard, it's just that she's clearly more on the bold side (more than I intuited originally) and attractive so I think she's use to dates going this way for her.
Obviously this makes me uneasy on a number of accounts. Part of me feels like cancelling because we're simply not on even terms with respect to sex; I'm potentially walking into a situation where I'll have to turn her down (which might offend her) or I'll following through with potentially very awkward results.
On the other hand, she is bright and ready-witted and we have some rapport. (And, amazingly, she asked me out.)
The other option, I suppose, is to tell her my "status" but this feels particularly embarrassing given her personality- perhaps with another woman of a less aggressive temperament and after a series of no expectation dates this would be possible.
While I could write more, my description outlines the contours of the matter.
Thus: cancel? date?
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Go on the date. Whether or not to follow through with sex is your decision. There's certainly nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex on the first date, regardless of one's "status" sexually. Just tell her you appreciate the thought, and are *very* interested, but would like to get to know her better first. But only say that if its true, obviously. If your sole reason for wanting to put off sex, is that you are nervous about it, then you should probably have the sex.
As for what to tell her - if you two decide to wait until you know each other better before doing the deed, then you don't need to tell her anything yet. If you get closer / start steadily dating, I'd probably go ahead and tell her the truth when it does come time to have sex.
On the other hand, if you decide to do it on the first dare, I'd probably say
something along the lines of "I am very inexperienced" and then not provide details. That is a true statement, and will serve the purpose of letting her know not to expect a porn star, but isn't as "loaded" as telling her the full deal.
But whatever you do, go on the date if you think you may like this woman. Its just a date!
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05-29-2009, 10:49 AM
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Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,706,381 times
Reputation: 1664
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pi'op
I've a date on Saturday, the first I've had in about 10 years. We met incidentally through mutual friends and she effectively asked me out a week ago. While flattered enough, she's now sending out rather clear signals that she expects to come back to my place to spend the night. I've not encouraged her thinking in this regard, it's just that she's clearly more on the bold side (more than I intuited originally) and attractive so I think she's use to dates going this way for her.Obviously this makes me uneasy on a number of accounts. Part of me feels like cancelling because we're simply not on even terms with respect to sex; I'm potentially walking into a situation where I'll have to turn her down (which might offend her) or I'll following through with potentially very awkward results. On the other hand, she is bright and ready-witted and we have some rapport. (And, amazingly, she asked me out.)The other option, I suppose, is to tell her my "status" but this feels particularly embarrassing given her personality- perhaps with another woman of a less aggressive temperament and after a series of no expectation dates this would be possible.While I could write more, my description outlines the contours of the matter. Thus: cancel? date?
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If this woman asked you out, then she is obviously interested in you and perhaps you are getting the wrong signals from her. Is there any reason in particular that you are still a virgin at 42 other than by choice? A loving physical relationship is a thing of beauty between two adults who care for each other so I can understand that part of it but why do you speak like it is something you are afraid of?? Don't cancel your date. Simply explain to her if she starts coming on strong that you would like to get to know her better and spend more time with her prior to making a big commitment like having sex with her.
I don't understand why you are fretting about this so much....sex is a very normal healthy thing to have and waiting a bit to have it is not a bad thing but at age 42, you should at least have dabbled in it somewhat.
Relax and let nature take its course. Have a great date with this lady, it might be the beginning of a loving, fun and healthy relationship for you...it's about time, no??
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05-29-2009, 10:57 AM
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Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 17,811,283 times
Reputation: 10129
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Really! At 42 years old your hand MUST be tired! Go for it and give your hand a break already!  |
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05-29-2009, 10:59 AM
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Location: Center of the universe
24,657 posts, read 37,390,527 times
Reputation: 11780
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