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Old 06-01-2009, 02:40 AM
 
Location: Dallas
1,004 posts, read 545,805 times
Reputation: 1227

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I work in the IT department of a Houston oil company as a network engineer and with the exception of the Geophysics/Engineering Exploration floors, I'm generally in the presence of quite a few females old and young. Now word has gotten back to me that most women who have seen me believe that I'm gay because of the way that I dress and I keep my hair cut consistently. Turns out the chick that has everyone thinking this is a chick that saw me at a club with about 5 other females and no guys (she has also complained to me about her husband not wanting to sleep with her but i blew it off because of work that needed to be done). She assumed that since I came to the club with a group of women that I am gay which is weird, I would think it to be the opposite. Reason for me going out with this group of female companions was to celebrate me being free of an awful relationship I was in with a female from the Virgin Islands. I like to go out and have a good time dancing and the guys I hang around are all wall-flowers, I do have a gay friend that I go out with from time to time but that's just to hang out and talk, vent about work and relationship issues or just to chill.

My question is should I actually bring it to their attention that I'm not gay or just go on about my business and let them assume until they see me tonguing some chick down in a nightclub somewhere?

Ladies, how would you define a guys as dressing gay?

Just to give you an idea of how I typically dress, I ususally wear a pair of slim/boot-cut Express jeans with an Express T-Shirt or Lacoste Polo, matching belt and a pair of Onitsuka Tigers (The colors on these shoes are sometimes wierd and I have just about all 68 pair).



Last edited by ayahuasca_mike; 06-01-2009 at 02:49 AM..
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Old 06-01-2009, 02:42 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,690 posts, read 90,540,850 times
Reputation: 29499
Must be a cake boy.
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Old 06-01-2009, 02:49 AM
 
Location: New Orleans
1,976 posts, read 3,185,412 times
Reputation: 2789
Mike, the way you dress has nothing to do with it. Those ladies must be wondering why you aren't hitting on them/making passes or suggestive dialogue towards them lol!
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Old 06-01-2009, 02:54 AM
 
Location: Dallas
1,004 posts, read 545,805 times
Reputation: 1227
Quote:
Originally Posted by skywatcher75 View Post
Mike, the way you dress has nothing to do with it. Those ladies must be wondering why you aren't hitting on them/making passes or suggestive dialogue towards them lol!
I kind of figured that but its hard to believe that grown women think that EVERY guy is attracted to them, I like more of a nerdy/Gothic type chick myself.
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Old 06-01-2009, 02:58 AM
 
9,912 posts, read 12,631,499 times
Reputation: 7290
Well....it's a win for your workplace professionalism I guess, you could always look at it that way.

It's pretty off that your sexual orientation has become such a topic of conversation and gossip and I'm pretty sure from what you've described that here it would be something that was in breach of the equal opportunities guidelines.

I'm not sure that bringing it to their attention is the way to go, they've obviously been way off base so far so any attempt to clarify might just end up in a big mess I'm thinking.

Your sexual orientation has no relevence in the work place and I'm guessing that you are either very professional at work (ie you're focused on the work so you've not given away personal details) OR you're dealing with some incredibly unprofessional people. It's probably a bit of both.

Either way I guess I'm saying you're now aware this is going on but unless you're confidant that some small hint will end it I'm not sure you would be wanting to get embroiled in some great drama and it's quite possible you're dealing with dramatic types. I say keep doing what you're doing, be professional but keep an eye and ear out and if it turns into something bigger then I'd be wanting to speak to whomever is in charge (human resources or your boss). I don't think it has anything to do with what you're wearing. So yeah, for now go about your business but be on guard.
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:00 AM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,888,046 times
Reputation: 2398
Quote:
Originally Posted by moddestmike View Post
I work in the IT department of a Houston oil company as a network engineer and with the exception of the Geophysics/Engineering Exploration floors, I'm generally in the presence of quite a few females old and young. Now word has gotten back to me that most women who have seen me believe that I'm gay because of the way that I dress and I keep my hair cut consistently. Turns out the chick that has everyone thinking this is a chick that saw me at a club with about 5 other females and no guys (she has also complained to me about her husband not wanting to sleep with her but i blew it off because of work that needed to be done). She assumed that since I came to the club with a group of women that I am gay which is weird, I would think it to be the opposite. Reason for me going out with this group of female companions was to celebrate me being free of an awful relationship I was in with a female from the Virgin Islands. I like to go out and have a good time dancing and the guys I hang around are all wall-flowers, I do have a gay friend that I go out with from time to time but that's just to hang out and talk, vent about work and relationship issues or just to chill.

My question is should I actually bring it to their attention that I'm not gay or just go on about my business and let them assume until they see me tonguing some chick down in a nightclub somewhere?
I would let something about your "awful" past heterosexual relationship slip to the original chick. "oh, so and so does that. I couldn't stand when my ex-girlfriend used to do that."

Quote:
Originally Posted by moddestmike View Post
Ladies, how would you define a guys as dressing gay?

Just to give you an idea of how I typically dress, I ususally wear a pair of slim/boot-cut Express jeans with an Express T-Shirt or Lacoste Polo, matching belt and a pair of Onitsuka Tigers (The colors on these shoes are sometimes wierd and I have just about all 68 pair).
You have heard of metrosexuals, right?

Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically related to gay men.

Metrosexual - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


I'd like to know what about women thinking you're gay is most bothersome to you? Are you afraid that they see you as weak and effeminate?
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:07 AM
 
Location: Dallas
1,004 posts, read 545,805 times
Reputation: 1227
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I would let something about your "awful" past heterosexual relationship slip to the original chick. "oh, so and so does that. I couldn't stand when my ex-girlfriend used to do that."



You have heard of metrosexuals, right?

Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically related to gay men.

Metrosexual - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


I'd like to know what about women thinking you're gay is most bothersome to you? Are you afraid that they see you as weak and effeminate?
Not at all, it was just more of an initial shock to me. I never gave it any thought. No one has ever said that to me or about me so I guess it was just the first time hearing it that threw me off. It may work in my favor so that they won't bother me at work. I tend to be really busy and to keep from taking my work home with me, I go in and get the job done. No distractions, I just don't want these chicks (who are less than attractive attitude wise) pushing up on me thinking they can "turn me out". My job can be quite stress and the added nonsense will just make it even more difficult.
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:08 AM
 
232 posts, read 541,644 times
Reputation: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I'd like to know what about women thinking you're gay is most bothersome to you? Are you afraid that they see you as weak and effeminate?
Wow, are you serious?

You really can't see why a straight man (someone who is attracted to women) would be bothered if said-women were to think he was gay?

Would you ever be attracted to and want to date a gay man?
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:11 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,739 posts, read 32,234,100 times
Reputation: 6810
I think you should have a badge made up that says "I am not gay" and wear it too work. I should imagine it would get alot of laughs.

I have known gay guys who LOOK straight and straight guys who LOOK gay. There is far more to Gaydar then how a person looks, unfortunately alot of people don't realize that.
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:13 AM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,888,046 times
Reputation: 2398
Quote:
Originally Posted by moddestmike View Post
Not at all, it was just more of an initial shock to me. I never gave it any thought. No one has ever said that to me or about me so I guess it was just the first time hearing it that threw me off. It may work in my favor so that they won't bother me at work. I tend to be really busy and to keep from taking my work home with me, I go in and get the job done. No distractions, I just don't want these chicks (who are less than attractive attitude wise) pushing up on me thinking they can "turn me out". My job can be quite stress and the added nonsense will just make it even more difficult.
I've never known any woman who made it her goal to de-gay a man, so I think you're pretty safe.

There are other ways you could let them know not to bother you without letting them think you are or aren't gay. I would think just telling them that you are busy would lead to less drama and be simpler than any other methods.
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