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I thought this was a hypothetical scenario? I don't understand the point of this post unless, we're talking about real people. 'Fess up. Who we talkin' bout?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MuscogeeButterfly
I thought this was a hypothetical scenario? I don't understand the point of this post unless, we're talking about real people. 'Fess up. Who we talkin' bout?
I was thinking about a situation I know of. Too much for me. I'm not married.
That's not monogamy, that's celibacy.
Another person doesn't have the right to demand or expect a vow of celibacy from you. That would be a vow you made with yourself, for yourself. If you broke it, the only one you would be "cheating on" would be yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613
And 10 years? Seriously? If your still agreeing to being monogamous after that long a time, it's cheating regardless, although you'd both need to be on some serious meds or otherwise have some majorly flawed reasoning going for that even hypothetically to happen.
Well, I lived it. For 10 years. Seriously. Although as Jane72 points out, we didn't take vows of celibacy. And as Waynec613 points out, there were some major flaws. I wrote a very long-winded post about it well over a year ago, so I won't go into it here. I will just say that it is happening all around us, and is far more common than you'd think.
I have come to terms with how I managed (or didn't..)...forgiven myself for my transgressions, and forgiven my husband for any of his. He's gone now; it was inevitable that his illness would take him....but I often can't shake the question of how much longer I would have stayed had he lived.
Me too, for longer than that, from my mid-30s to late 40s. And I asked myself the same question. If I were to "cheat," what would I be cheating my wife out of? Certainly not my love or affection, for she wanted none of that.
In the end, I knew I'd be breaking a solemn vow, and that I'd have a hard time justifying it to my kids, my parents, and most of all, to myself. Instead I broke another vow and filed for divorce, but I think that's socially more acceptable and a better long-term fix for an unhappy married life.
My honest feelings, however, are that if one partner in a relationship unilaterally, for no given reason, decides that sex is no longer on the menu, it's not cheating if the other partner orders from a different menu.
I think it depends on the fact that if you vowed monogamy to the person. If that person was being monogamous and you promised to be the same then I consider it cheating. If you aren't in a serious relationship then it isn't cheating at all.
When a relationship is devoid of sex, some times a lot of kissing , touching and affection is also not there. Sometimes its easier to understand some one who doesn't want to have sex with you ,than it is to wonder why they wont touch you at all in an affectionate way, (usually they fear it will lead to sex) cheating begins when you know in your heart that you are willing to plow through the difficulty of separation, and divorce, if the right person came along IMO
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)...forgiven myself for my transgressions, and forgiven my husband for any of his. He's gone now; it was inevitable that his illness would take him....but I often can't shake the question of how much longer I would have stayed had he lived.
