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Old 06-04-2009, 06:23 AM
 
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In most cases if someone does not like me I do not mind and just put my attention on someone who does. But in some cases it is important to get certain people to like us. They may be a key coworker, clients, customers, people in committees/groups you belong to, a boss, relatives you are going to spend alot of time with, roommates, etc.

If you get bad vibes and the important person tries to ignore you or gives you negative body language but no cross words are exchanged, what do you do? Do you ever say, why don't you like me? Or I feel negative vibes and want to get along, lets talk it out.
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Old 06-04-2009, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,178 posts, read 16,971,750 times
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I wasn't put here just for everyone to like.

I don't like everyone so why should everyone like me?

You don't have to like me to work with me. As long as both of us know our jobs and do our jobs that's all the matters.

I had a boss once I didn't like but I respected her knowledge. And vice Versa.

Bottom line....I don't care if someone doesn't like me.
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh's 'EAST SIDE'
2,043 posts, read 4,606,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post

If you get bad vibes and the important person tries to ignore you or gives you negative body language but no cross words are exchanged, what do you do? Do you ever say, why don't you like me? Or I feel negative vibes and want to get along, lets talk it out.
....YEAH RIGHT, picture that....
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:22 AM
 
943 posts, read 2,856,728 times
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The business of life is getting along and there are some people that for a variety of reasons it is to our advantage to get along with. I am not talking about a forced frosty relationship but a friendly one. If the other person is in the drivers seat and in a position of power over you because of peer pressure or influence, I do not see what would be wrong with asking why the two of you are not speaking. Just how to bring it up is a good question.
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:23 AM
 
1,950 posts, read 4,095,195 times
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No.

Even if I've done nothing wrong, it may be that I rub that person the wrong way. Maybe my mannerisms, the way I speak, or even my views might make somebody dislike me - even if I have always been nice, polite, etc on the times I interacted w/ that person.

Human interaction is complex. We all like to keep it simple, but sometimes there are people who simply do not get along no matter what. I accept that; I don't like some people and if someone doesn't like me, fine - as long as they don't start problems as a result of that dislike.

Peaceful coexistence, it's what I call it.
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:23 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,686,274 times
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i couldn't care less either.

is there a reason i have to care?
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 18,283,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
In most cases if someone does not like me I do not mind and just put my attention on someone who does. But in some cases it is important to get certain people to like us. They may be a key coworker, clients, customers, people in committees/groups you belong to, a boss, relatives you are going to spend alot of time with, roommates, etc.

If you get bad vibes and the important person tries to ignore you or gives you negative body language but no cross words are exchanged, what do you do? Do you ever say, why don't you like me? Or I feel negative vibes and want to get along, lets talk it out.
I honestly can't think of a single case where it's important for someone to like me and I'm not particularly interested in their reason for not because it's most likely a misconception of me anyway. Not my problem.
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,474,959 times
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I don't think I'd ever put it in those words. We all know that it's not possible for everyone to like us, etc. Usually, you know why someone dosen't like you. But if I had someone I had to work with - or someone who didn't like me a I really needed to know why - and assuming I didn't know why he/she didn't like me, I'd try to find out. Again, I don't think I'd ask in so many words.
I think I'd try to learn what the real propblem was; I've experianced women who didn't like me becasue I wasn't married w/ children .. I was single and living the "free and easy life" (or so they thought). In such a case, I'm certainly not going to change my life to be liked - but I did attempt to show that my life was no threat to hers nor did I disapprove of her life as a housewife, etc. I tried to focus on what we had in common. That's really all I can do.
I can't change who or what I am - nor would I want to. However sometimes it can be helpful to learn how people perceive us.
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:43 AM
 
943 posts, read 2,856,728 times
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I tried to rep you because I thought your ideas were great. Yes, there may be nothing you can do because it just a clash of personalities but in my original posting I described situations where it was impossible to just ignore or avoid the the person and the cold, distant and frosty relationship with the rolling eyes, sighs and one word responses are just so challenging.

Maybe if you expressed a concern that the personal connection was not there, and if he or she realized that some type of friendly relationship is necessary due to work and or family issues, a compromise or understanding could be reached. Exactly how to do that without making it worse is the difficult question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
No.

Even if I've done nothing wrong, it may be that I rub that person the wrong way. Maybe my mannerisms, the way I speak, or even my views might make somebody dislike me - even if I have always been nice, polite, etc on the times I interacted w/ that person.

Human interaction is complex. We all like to keep it simple, but sometimes there are people who simply do not get along no matter what. I accept that; I don't like some people and if someone doesn't like me, fine - as long as they don't start problems as a result of that dislike.

Peaceful coexistence, it's what I call it.
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:46 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 8,050,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
Do you ever ask someone point blank: why don't you like me?


what do you do? Do you ever say, why don't you like me?
Its unlikely you'd get an honest answer. Instead of trying for a direct answer, get your answer indirectly.

For the 15 to 35 age group, where this is most commonly an issue, this is primarily due to physical appearance. A small percentage of the time, its a dislike of someone better looking but in most cases, its due to a bias against people who aren't as good looking. Such people will not say it to the face of their victim, but are often quite blunt about it with others.

Anything else they use as a justification, is primarily just an attempt to justify their initial "impression". Another person could behave exactly the same or say the same things and it wouldn't be an issue.

Fortunately such activity fades with age and just being a decent sort becomes the asset, it should always have been. However, by then, the damage is generally done. This is especially true in work places where the good looking people get a pass on their performance in a rush to promote them before some other employer snags them.
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