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Why is her weight and how people treat her because of her appearance my fault?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Hey OP,
There's another thread going on right now about "Alpha males". It may be beneficial to you to read some of the comments there, about how real men act when in social situations.
This is your *sister*. While you may not like her attitude or the way that she looks, shouldn't you do what you can to protect her while she's out in these social situations with you? No, I'm not talking about beating someone up who looks at her funny, or getting into people's faces about it. I'm talking about losing this "embarrassment" that you feel. Who the heck cares what other people think about YOU being with her? Honestly, now. I would wager that if you lost this attitude, that many of the reactions that you see would change in an instant. By thinking to yourself, "gee, people are looking at ME like there's something wrong with ME because I'm with her", you are inviting these reactions from other people.
And, to boot, you'd be doing your sister a great service by showing her that she's "worth it" to be seen out in public with you. And that you *know* who she is, which is so much more than people see on the outside.
It takes a MAN of pretty substantial character to be able to handle this. If you cannot, you're not alone, because many males can't handle stuff like this. But, I do believe that if you can accomplish this, your other inter-personal relationships will benefit as well.
Why is her weight and how people treat her because of her appearance my fault?
I think it's more of an issue of how you treat her, I don't know about you but most people can sense when someone else is embarrassed or uncomfortable - does she even like going out in public with you? I don't think I would enjoy being around someone who not only was embarrassed to be seen with me but thought of me as fat, frumpy, ugly, and homely.
Last edited by nat_at772; 06-06-2009 at 08:14 PM..
One of my sisters is extremely overweight. She is close to 300 pounds and in all honesty she is just plain ugly. When she is out in public I notice that people tend to stare, giggle and are just plain rude to her. It must be terrible to be her because I can just feel the hostility.
I notice that when I am with her some of the negative vibes that are directed at her because of her weight and general appearance is also directed at me. It is almost like people are saying, "what are you doing with her"
So, are you embarrassed to be seen with people who are fat, frumpy and ugly?
Why is her weight and how people treat her because of her appearance my fault?
Why are you looking for fault and blame?
SUCH a waste of energy.
If you don't like your sister and you can't get past how you see her and it's embarassing for you to be in public with her then it's easily fixed just don't go out with her.
I'd also say if you're not able to love her and be respectful of her despite what other people say and do that you stay away from her.
But by far the biggest issue I see here is not what other people are saying and doing it's what you're saying and doing. If you are unable to examine your own thoughts and feelings enough to realize that you're allowing the cruel and judgemental attitudes of perfect strangers to impact and shape the relationship you have with someone that SHOULD be of significantly more importance to you, and you're taking the advice you've received regarding that as BLAME or FAULT, then my suggestion is that you need to spend a little more time examining yourself and your priorities and loyalties.
One of my sisters is extremely overweight. She is close to 300 pounds and in all honesty she is just plain ugly. When she is out in public I notice that people tend to stare, giggle and are just plain rude to her. It must be terrible to be her because I can just feel the hostility.
I notice that when I am with her some of the negative vibes that are directed at her because of her weight and general appearance is also directed at me. It is almost like people are saying, "what are you doing with her"
So, are you embarrassed to be seen with people who are fat, frumpy and ugly?
Not especially, no. I'm who I am...not the people I'm with.
I would be more embarrassed to take a judgmental, shallow fool, for instance, to a party than I would be to take an overweight actual adult.
She is not overweight, she is just obese! She is huge and waddles when she walks. She is greatly affected by her weight and has no social skills. People pick up on her troubles and give her some extremely negative vibes, and they link anyone with her to her situation.
Justifying your own battles with weight and political correctness telling us that you love the world and all fat people have not to do with my OP.
So...lack of social skills must run in your family then.
You're the same person trolling the Portland forum moaning about the quality of the homeless population there; they aren't picturesque enough for you these days and therefor not so much of a tourist attraction.
Appearance discrimination is alive and well and we are judged by who we are seen with. When I go to the shopping mall and people watch I always mention to my husband when I see a pack of real pretty girls walking together how clonish they are. They all look alike. They would not be caught dead with someone who looks like my sister. It would destroy their standing and reputation. That is what gave me the idea for the question, the observation that people will not be seen with someone who is really fat and ugly unless they are really secure with themselves or look that way to, even if they are the same sex.I am not embarrassed to be with my grossly overweight sister who is so out of shape that she waddles when she walks and has just let her self go completely. I just mention that I constantly pick up the negative vibes that she gets and they are directed at me also for being with someone like her. Of course it is non verbal- so I can not lash back.
I am still amazed at how mean spirited you are about your own sister. Why do you have to even care what other people think about your sister and why does it embarass YOU? Are you so shallow that you are more concerned about what people think about YOU than you do about your sister's health? Why can't you try to help her??? Don't tell me that you have tried because unless you have tried to help her with love in your heart for her then that was no help at all. Do you understand that unless someone who loves your sister steps in and talks with her in a loving manner she will die from obesity? Hell, I wish I lived closer to her because I would be more than willing to help her and I don't even know her but feel sorry that she has a sister who is embarassed to be with her and is mean.
When my husband and I see a heavy person bike riding, walking or doing any activity....I always say, look at that...that is what half of America needs to be doing and good for them. If I pass one on the street or see a heavy person in restaurant, I say hello and smile....I am apalled at your attitude towards your sister and think you need to work on saving her life not trashing it.
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So people treat her rudely and it is my fault?
