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Divorced mothers with children are obviously not the same types as those who intentionally have children with men who would never marry them but there is also "baggage" in that situation also.
Some friends of mine were both in second marriages. She had 4 children and an ex who wasn't paying child support or seeing his kids. Her second husband had 3 children of his own and an ex-wife with a serious drinking problem. It was better that he had children of his own because her children didn't appreciate that he was supporting 7 kids including the 4 that were not his own, and act like they didn't have to listen to him or respect him pulling that "You're not my father, you can't tell me what to do", but as he understood children because he had his own, he was understanding about that reaction and a defensiveness they had about their dead beat dad. A man with no children of his own would likely have more difficulty with some of that.
ok this is how i see it. A mother should take care of her kids first and foremost. And she needs to find a man that will understand that this child is going to be a BIG part of their lives! If he doesn't then he's just not worth your time!
I am an unmarried mother, in a relationship, but this is how I would feel if i was single!
And to all the men out there, i totally get why you are not interested in single parent women, but just tell them that straight up, so nobody will waste time.
A single mother has already proven she doesn't mind being just for sexual pleasure. (I'm not talking about divorcees or widows) Often they're looking for a cash supplement to a welfare check and a live in babysitter and what man wants to be that?
yeah maybe that's the type of females you know because my so had a child with i met her and i didn't get her into bed on the first, second, third, fourth or fifth date. she wasn't on welfare; a manager at Kohls may not sound like a great job but she makes good money and she was recently promoted to general manager. I didn't even meet her daughter until we'd been dating for six months. stereotypes are ugly you shouldn't breathe life into them
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Originally Posted by katerinaver
ok this is how i see it. A mother should take care of her kids first and foremost.
i dson't think i would ever date a woman who put her kids before me because that means if we ever had children she would do the same with mine
ok this is how i see it. A mother should take care of her kids first and foremost.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ATLater
i dson't think i would ever date a woman who put her kids before me because that means if we ever had children she would do the same with mine
She said take care of the kids first & foremost not put first. I think that's one of the problems with alot of marriages today, families in general. In fact I did my college english paper on it. I call it children worship.
I put my wife before my kids. I think it's better for them to see their parents doting over each other than neglecting each other to satisfy their every whim. My kids are spoiled rotten, materialistically speaking. My daugther got her own laptop for her b-day for petes sake, but they know their role.
Great point. In marriage, spouses need to put each other first before children and "other family." I am a divorced mother of four and don't mind that a man isn't interested in dating me because of the kids. The reality is that I don't have the time and I don't do sleepovers. Now that I'm alone, I put my kids first and focus on giving them the stability they deserve. I can date when my youngest is in high school. Until then I fill my spare time working on me.
She said take care of the kids first & foremost not put first. I think that's one of the problems with alot of marriages today, families in general. In fact I did my college english paper on it. I call it children worship.
I put my wife before my kids. I think it's better for them to see their parents doting over each other than neglecting each other to satisfy their every whim. My kids are spoiled rotten, materialistically speaking. My daugther got her own laptop for her b-day for petes sake, but they know their role.
that's your wife though, I think it's different when you're just dating. I would never date a guy who put me before his kids; I remember one guy took me to the fair and we ran into his son's mother there and she read him the riot act because he hadn't given her money that week because he claimed he was broke but yet he had money to take me to the fair. I know some women who will jump through hoops of fire to appease a man but wouldn't walk to the corner for their child- it's not a good look.
don't confuse not taking care of your kids needs with not putting them first. you're right though, it's harder for single moms.
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Originally Posted by natalayjones
that's your wife though, I think it's different when you're just dating. I would never date a guy who put me before his kids; I remember one guy took me to the fair and we ran into his son's mother there and she read him the riot act because he hadn't given her money that week because he claimed he was broke but yet he had money to take me to the fair. I know some women who will jump through hoops of fire to appease a man but wouldn't walk to the corner for their child- it's not a good look.
Say if you are browsing a dating site or a social networking community and see a woman that you are attracted to but also find out that she has a child(ren) you click on and keep going?
That is judging the book by it's cover without discovering what's behind it.
All single mothers do not carry baggage and are quite independent.
There are two types of single moms. Ones that never married and had their children out of wedlock, and the other kind, the divorced single mothers.
I think that if there is child support payments and the father of the children is actively and maturely participating in the raising of the kids, then that's not such a bad situation. Especially if the custody is shared. But no single man would be thrilled to date a woman that already has kids, and is looking for a man to help her raise them, financially or emotionally. And with the majority of couples, the men are usually the breadwinners in the relationship... so with a single mother, the man is eventually going to be spending his money on her kids, and that's not really fair to him.
Your kids have better be beautiful, smart and well-behaved children and they need to be truly supportive of their mom's dating excursions.
Otherwise, as a woman that would never date a man with children, my six main reasons for avoiding a situation like that would be:
1. I don't like children, let alone want a ready made family.
2. I disapprove of the way most kids are being raised by others.
3. I would find it very frustrating to not like the way the kids are being raised and to not have any say in the matter as I am not their parent, nor would I ever want to replace their mom. But who wants to be stuck in that gray area of being a spouse that has no parental authority over the kids?
4. In all fairness to the children, I would have to decide much sooner if I wanted to be serious about the relationship, instead of treating it as a casual situation that I wanted to take my time thinking about taking it to the next level.
5. Right away, there would be a lack of privacy for us as a romantic couple.
6. Right away, I would have to share my man's attention with his kids. With dating a man without kids, at least in the beginning, I would get all his love and attention.
real simple answer: if i wasn't there to make it then i'm not there to take care of it!!
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Great point. In marriage, spouses need to put each other first before children and "other family." I am a divorced mother of four and don't mind that a man isn't interested in dating me because of the kids. The reality is that I don't have the time and I don't do sleepovers. Now that I'm alone, I put my kids first and focus on giving them the stability they deserve. I can date when my youngest is in high school. Until then I fill my spare time working on me.
Single Moms and Dating
